Removing negativity from my life

tillyenna

Firstly - let me tell you with good authority, it will all be OK :-)


Mindfullness exercises are awesome - there's a few 'happiness' mindfulness exercises that I've been taught.


The first one is really simple, it takes a few seconds each day - get a little notebook and on day 1, write one thing you like about yourself on it (it can be really petty e.g. My hair looks neat), on day 2, write two things... and gradually increasing, trying not to repeat yourself too much.


The second one takes a little time - get a piece of paper and write down all of the important areas of your life (family, health, money... whatever) and then write down next to them what you are doing WELL in that area, and what you could do better - it might help to use the "Three stars and a wish" method (i.e. three things you recognise as having done well, and one thing you'd like to do better) to save having massive lists of what to do at the start.


I find complimenting people really good. Pick a different person in your life each day to compliment - it can be the lady in the shop, or your bank teller - you'd be surprised how much happier you feel.


Lastly - have a good spring clean, Susan Doolidge wrote that you can't get better if you're living in a drab room - so clean up, open the curtains and let some sunshine into your house - you'll be amazed at how much this can do!


(And yes, I am sickeningly positive and cheerful... I also have depression... so it totally can be done :-D)

krustylouise

tillyenna wrote: »

Firstly - let me tell you with good authority, it will all be OK :-)


Mindfullness exercises are awesome - there's a few 'happiness' mindfulness exercises that I've been taught.


The first one is really simple, it takes a few seconds each day - get a little notebook and on day 1, write one thing you like about yourself on it (it can be really petty e.g. My hair looks neat), on day 2, write two things... and gradually increasing, trying not to repeat yourself too much.


The second one takes a little time - get a piece of paper and write down all of the important areas of your life (family, health, money... whatever) and then write down next to them what you are doing WELL in that area, and what you could do better - it might help to use the "Three stars and a wish" method (i.e. three things you recognise as having done well, and one thing you'd like to do better) to save having massive lists of what to do at the start.


I find complimenting people really good. Pick a different person in your life each day to compliment - it can be the lady in the shop, or your bank teller - you'd be surprised how much happier you feel.


Lastly - have a good spring clean, Susan Doolidge wrote that you can't get better if you're living in a drab room - so clean up, open the curtains and let some sunshine into your house - you'll be amazed at how much this can do!


(And yes, I am sickeningly positive and cheerful... I also have depression... so it totally can be done :-D)

Thank you Tillyenna - I really appreciate your post and I will definitely try out those list things {having a touch of OCD I love lists!}

tillyenna

Also, with only a few months away from W-Day (it's like D-Day but worse...) - stay away from pinterest and pinterest people... because whatever YOU decide to do will be perfect for YOU

krustylouise

Ha you're not wrong! I feel like it should be "perfect" and "picturesque" but at the end of the day is it important?

sassyblue

krustylouise wrote: »

Thank you for your lovely reply Sassyblue, it's always nice to know you're not the only one in the boat!
I have come a long way with regards to my agoraphobia and can go pretty much anywhere, it's just the self punishment I guess I'm trying to escape. Life's tough enough from outside influences let alone beating yourself up too, but for some reason I just can't be proud of myself and nothing I do ever seems "enough" if you know what I mean?

Thanks again. PS how did your interview go? x

Well done on getting this far with the agoraphobia. The negative thoughts you just need to retrain yourself to think positive, why can't you be proud of yourself - you should be! You are too hard on yourself, are you a perfectionist? I think we're all guilty of it though, it gives you the drive to do things but we have to draw a line.....

Thanks for asking, the interview went really well and l will hear Thursday. X

krustylouise

yes i think i'm a perfectionist I see other people living life and doing things and think I can do better and when I can't its constant failing. It's wrong of me to compare myself all the time, but I can't help it.

I'm really pleased your interview went well x

BigAunty

Unfortunately, comparing yourself with others is a corrosive activity. A person with an unbalanced view of themselves will invariably focus on how other people seem to thrive while not being privvy to when they don't or the fact that these same people may harbour the same negative thoughts towards themselves as the OP does.

The meditation, mindfulness and secular buddhism I am researching and practicing trains a person to focus on and accept impermanence, the way that everything (experiences, emotions, etc) continually shift and flux. We continue to grow old, our income goes up and down, our health swings between good and bad, we gain and lose friends and family.

It is said that when you accept there is no such things as permanence and stability, the fretting stops.

Mindfulness in Plain English:-

Be gentle with yourself: Be kind to yourself. You may not be perfect, but you are all you’ve got to work with. The process of becoming who you will be begins first with the total acceptance of who you are.

Don’t dwell upon contrasts: Differences do exist between people, but dwelling upon then is a dangerous process. Unless carefully handled, it leads directly to egotism. Ordinary human thinking is full of greed, jealousy and pride. A man seeing another man on the street may immediately think, “He is better looking than I am.” The instant result is envy or shame. A girl seeing another girl may think, “I am prettier than she is.” The instant result is pride. This sort of comparison is a mental habit, and it leads directly to ill feeling of one sort or another: greed, envy, pride, jealousy, hatred. It is an unskillful mental state, but we do it all the time. We compare our looks with others, our success, our accomplishments, our wealth, possessions, or I.Q. and all these lead to the same place—estrangement, barriers between people, and ill feeling.....Rather than noticing differences between self and others, the meditator trains himself to notice similarities.

tillyenna

I know how you feel about being a perfectionist - I am SO hard on myself and I hold myself to such a high standard... so I've taught myself this little trick:

If I am being hard on myself about failing to do something, or not looking as great... first I think... what would I say if it had been my best friend who did that, or wore that... The answer is always, I'd be nice about it... but then I think 'would I be telling the truth... or would I be secretly judging' and 9 times out of 10, I'd be telling the truth - I'm super hard on myself and keep myself to such high standards, beating myself up about stuff that if other people did it, I'd just brush it away and tell them to forget about it... so, um, try thinking about yourself in the third person a bit!

krustylouise

Thank you BA - I really will take on board your comments and I like the thought of seeing similarities rather than differences.

I always thought "this is the way I am - no changing it" but I'm hoping if I make little steps everyday I can change my mindset and the way I've been perceiving myself and others.

Thanks again

krustylouise

tillyenna wrote: »

I know how you feel about being a perfectionist - I am SO hard on myself and I hold myself to such a high standard... so I've taught myself this little trick:

If I am being hard on myself about failing to do something, or not looking as great... first I think... what would I say if it had been my best friend who did that, or wore that... The answer is always, I'd be nice about it... but then I think 'would I be telling the truth... or would I be secretly judging' and 9 times out of 10, I'd be telling the truth - I'm super hard on myself and keep myself to such high standards, beating myself up about stuff that if other people did it, I'd just brush it away and tell them to forget about it... so, um, try thinking about yourself in the third person a bit!

I've started trying to do this when I worry about my health. Automatically I assume I'm dying and then I have to take a step back and think what would I say to a friend?