Removing negativity from my life

good_advice

Hello Krusty, life is a bumpy road and we are all on it making choices.
How do you live life to the fullest? Small steps.
Accept what we have.

I have never had councilors so can't really say of an experience there.
We do have patients departing when we were young in common.

i take great comfort in a neckless I have. It has x2 charms on it.
a St. Christopher and a guardian angel.
When I am worried or unsure I ware it.

Set goals for the day.To fill the hours.
Many on here craft, garden, chat to each other,
Clean a room in your house each day.
Get outside.

There is no magic answer! do your best.

Hermia

I imagine you will need a combination of things. Maybe CBT, meditation (which can be useful if you have a 'noisy' mind), trying some new activities, making friends etc.

One thing I find useful is to try and surround yourself with positive people. I naturally have a glass half empty, slightly cynical personality. I used to hang around with people who were similar and it took me a long time to realise how much it was dragging me down. I really try to interact with positive people now and it is amazing how your perspective on life changes when you are surrounded by people who have a "you can do it!" attitude. If it is hard to meet people in RL, there can be some great groups online.

jacques_chirac

ava_adore wrote: »

I live with social anxiety and PTSD, I get all sorts of unwelcome thoughts, and flashbacks about stuff. I had a good few rough years and I did some stuff I'm not proud of which I tend to emotionally beat myself over the head with.

The best bit of advice I got was "live in the moment" and I've started training myself not to look back at anything from my past.

From an outside perspective, all that life experience can only make you an even better Mum than you already are. You recognised where you had issues, you dealt with them, and you're getting better.

I don't have kids so I can't really advise much more than that, but I hope that you find your peace, and find a way to move on.

What you have described touches on Mindfulness, which may be helpful to the OP. kl there are some excellent books on the subject, and you can also go on courses to learn from someone. The success in mindfulness lies in managing symptoms before they overwhelm you, so preventing future episodes. Those that practise mindfulness are half as likely to relapse then those who have just had CBT.

jacques_chirac

http://franticworld.com/

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X

These may help.

cydney65

I have found this very helpful

http://selfcompassion.org/

CydneyX

BigAunty

krustylouise wrote: »

My question is.... How do I let go of the past? How do I stop punishing myself feeling like I was a terrible Mum all this time? How do I start looking for the positive in my life and have the energy each day to have a "seize the day" attitude?

You might not have exhausted the counselling route, perhaps you've just not really established the right relationship or type.

I would question your need for positivity, energy and 'seizing the day'. I am in the pursuit of 'equanimity', emotional balance, inspired by buddhist philosophy (I'm not religious) which is actually about being even in mood rather than getting swept away and craving particular emotions.

Forgive me the long post, I often post this information in response to similar questions so it's built up over time:-

I am a fan of activities like mindfulness, meditation and yoga which I see as a form of mental training, giving the person insight into how the mind creates chaos and negativity, giving skills in how to live at ease in the present moment rather than dwelling on past miseries and the fear of the future.

It allows the person to be able to accept bad experiences and thoughts without being swept away by them - it is the avoidance strategies, the resistence, that creates additional suffering on top of the pain.

It's about emotional balance, learning how to enjoy the 95% of life which is mundane, ordinary and routine without suffering from cravings which either can't be met or don't stop future cravings but also to stop aversion, fleeing from situations, experiences and thoughts that uncomfortable but facing them.

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.” Eckhart Tolle.

I also admire secular buddhism for the way that it emphasises compassion for others, a way of living where you are kind to yourself (without being self absorbed) while learning how to be kinder to others. (Secular buddhism is about viewing it as a philosophy, a guide to life, a handbook to happiness, a set of values and not as a religion. Secular Buddhists believe that Buddha, an actual real person, wasn't trying to found a religion but promote a more civilised way and happier way of living).

Many people have observed that there is a strong correlation between Buddhist teaching and practices and the discipline of Psychology. In fact, some medicallly based counselling and treatments are very directly taken from Buddhism but are secularised (have the religious rituals, references, etc, removed). There are even academics, scientists and psychologists, who study the benefits of meditation and mindfulness, how it changes behaviour and brain patterns.

There are lots of free local or cheap online courses in mindfulness and meditation, even yoga. Seek out some structured courses. Many local buddhist or yoga centres will have guided sessions. You should find some books in your local library.

Here are some links for you

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandst...nitive-therapy

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-it-be...ty-depression/

Suggested reading - The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Mindfulness in Plain English (free pdf online), Shinzen Young.

http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe.html

Suggested cheap online meditation programme - Headspace (free initial sessions) and free guided meditation by Jon Kabat-Zinn can be found on youtube posted by admirers.

You could look into free/cheap apps relating to Hynotherapy for social anxiety and confidence for your phone.

It is easy to get frustrated at the techniques if you aren't guided in them by experts and if you have unrealistic expectations about how quickly they can resolve your issues or if you simply wrongly expect them to be a cure for specific mental problems. It is better to see them as a suite of tools for general well-being rather than a fix for mental health.

Meditation, for example, exposes the person to the chaos in their mind (the 'mindless monkey chatter') and is considerably more gruelling than people expect.

There is a stereotype that all the practitioner does is close their eyes and peace descends upon them. In fact, until a person gains a lot of experience (and this is why guidance and practice is necessary), the meditator is bombarded with voices and images that they struggle to 'control' until they learn that it is about 'being' rather than 'doing' and you can't force your mind to be still.

I've heard it described as being forced to watch a bad movie that you can't switch off or turn the volume down. I imagine quite a lot of people are shocked at the mental agitation they first feel when they meditate and give up prematurely.

But mindfulness and meditation do show you how to be kind to yourself, compassionate to others, mental stillness and resilience, being able to silence self criticism and so on.

duchy

You remind yourself that you did your best and that you started from further back than most most and now are back where you should be and doing a good job. Congratulate yourself on that and remind yourself we can't change the past we can only influence today and the tomorrows to come.
Don't waste energy on regrets for the past -use that energy more effectively on moving forward instead of looking back.

krustylouise

Thank you so much for all of your replies, sorry I for the late reply, I went to bed and then had a mad rush to work this morning!

I have tried meditation, which I find very helpful, but silly me loses motivation or finds some reason why I haven't the time. I will try harder, starting from tonight. The meditation and yoga I try does touch on mindfulness too, and I find that very grounding.

Thanks again for your kind words - I appreciate them alot

sassyblue

mumonashoestring wrote: »

Baby steps - don't feel bad because you're not out doing parachute jumps and wrestling alligators . Go to a new childrens centre with your DD and try to talk to 3 people you don't know, find out if you have a local community centre running events or classes you could be interested in. Hop on the bus to a town you've not been to before on market day and have a poke round. Buy an ingredient you're not 100% sure what to do with and find a recipe to try. Little things can make you feel like you're breaking the mould without overstretching yourself. Above all, be kind to yourself. Recognise that once in a while everyone has a quiet day, an off day, a day when they just want to eat sausages whilst hiding under a blanket and that's okay too x

Absolutely this ^^^

I went through panic attacks and agoraphobia too in my teens. First thing is to learn deep breathing, breath in slowly (and for longer than you would normally breath in) then slowly breath out through your nose. That controls the panic.

Do something little everyday, for me it was walking a little bit further away from home everyday, even if it was only another few steps. And yes, BE KIND TO YOURSELF, slowly, slowly does it. I imagined l was building a solid brick wall and everyday was just another brick to put in. Your counsellor has done a great job of giving you foundations now it's time for you to work on those.

You can and will get over this, l now go abroad and am never sitting still. It's still in the back of my mind but l don't worry about long journeys or trips to the shops now.there's always a toilet somewhere you can go to compose yourself.

As for the past, it doesn't need to define you or your future. It's gone and can't be changed so make sure you make a difference for your future. You were NOT a terrible mum, the fact you are worried shows how much you care! Your little one won't remember it anyway, it's the future that counts.

Good luck xx

krustylouise

Thank you for your lovely reply Sassyblue, it's always nice to know you're not the only one in the boat!
I have come a long way with regards to my agoraphobia and can go pretty much anywhere, it's just the self punishment I guess I'm trying to escape. Life's tough enough from outside influences let alone beating yourself up too, but for some reason I just can't be proud of myself and nothing I do ever seems "enough" if you know what I mean?

Thanks again. PS how did your interview go? x