Removing negativity from my life

krustylouise

Hi all,

I'm after some advice on how I start to live life to its fullest? I had a pretty rough childhood which resulted in me losing my alcoholic Mum when I was 18. I have lived with panic and anxiety attacks since the age of 11. I have seen counsellor after counsellor, and just ending my last session with my counsellor, who is fantastic and has been a great help with me overcoming panic attacks whilst driving.

After I had DD I suffered postnatal depression and shortly after (18months after) I split from her Dad. I then went through agoraphobia and social anxiety. Luckily I moved through this and 5years later I'm nowhere near as bad as that.

My question is.... How do I let go of the past? How do I stop punishing myself feeling like I was a terrible Mum all this time? How do I start looking for the positive in my life and have the energy each day to have a "seize the day" attitude? I feel like I'm always ill, which I put down to anxiety, which I put down to being ill! It's a vicious cycle!

Before anyone mentions, I'm no longer depressed and wouldn't entertain medication. I feel I've come as far as I can with counsellors, so where now?

Sorry for the long garbled message, and thanks for reading

Carl31

Have you had cbt? My wife is just finishing a course after counselling and meditation etc... It's noticeably the most effective treatment she's had

its taught her how to deal with her anxieties

just to add. It's not really counselling, it's more learning that everyone has problems, but how you manage them is what's important. The notes I have seen look very interesting

Bluebell68

I cant help with telling you how to let go of the past I wish I Could

All we can do is except it not nice not easy BUT WE Can not change it unfortunately

So I try to lift my head up and Smile even when I really don't want to

Shoulders back smile and on we go 1 foot in front of the other
I hope in doing this the smile will be real
we will be us again

thinking of you
xx

krustylouise

Carl31 wrote: »

Have you had cbt? My wife is just finishing a course after counselling and meditation etc... It's noticeably the most effective treatment she's had

its taught her how to deal with her anxieties

just to add. It's not really counselling, it's more learning that everyone has problems, but how you manage them is what's important. The notes I have seen look very interesting

Hi,

Thank you for your reply.

Yes I went through CBT, that's how I got through my social anxiety and driving related panic attacks.

I'm really pleased it has worked for your wife

krustylouise

Bluebell68 wrote: »

I cant help with telling you how to let go of the past I wish I Could

All we can do is except it not nice not easy BUT WE Can not change it unfortunately

So I try to lift my head up and Smile even when I really don't want to

Shoulders back smile and on we go 1 foot in front of the other
I hope in doing this the smile will be real
we will be us again

thinking of you
xx

Thank you very much for your kind words bluebell. I do always plod on, but I don't want to exist, I want to truly live. I want to take my little girl to the park, not out of obligation but because I enjoy it. I seem to have lost the passion I once had.

mumonashoestring

Baby steps - don't feel bad because you're not out doing parachute jumps and wrestling alligators . Go to a new childrens centre with your DD and try to talk to 3 people you don't know, find out if you have a local community centre running events or classes you could be interested in. Hop on the bus to a town you've not been to before on market day and have a poke round. Buy an ingredient you're not 100% sure what to do with and find a recipe to try. Little things can make you feel like you're breaking the mould without overstretching yourself. Above all, be kind to yourself. Recognise that once in a while everyone has a quiet day, an off day, a day when they just want to eat sausages whilst hiding under a blanket and that's okay too x

ava_adore

I live with social anxiety and PTSD, I get all sorts of unwelcome thoughts, and flashbacks about stuff. I had a good few rough years and I did some stuff I'm not proud of which I tend to emotionally beat myself over the head with.

The best bit of advice I got was "live in the moment" and I've started training myself not to look back at anything from my past.

From an outside perspective, all that life experience can only make you an even better Mum than you already are. You recognised where you had issues, you dealt with them, and you're getting better.

I don't have kids so I can't really advise much more than that, but I hope that you find your peace, and find a way to move on.

krustylouise

mumonashoestring wrote: »

Baby steps - don't feel bad because you're not out doing parachute jumps and wrestling alligators . Go to a new childrens centre with your DD and try to talk to 3 people you don't know, find out if you have a local community centre running events or classes you could be interested in. Hop on the bus to a town you've not been to before on market day and have a poke round. Buy an ingredient you're not 100% sure what to do with and find a recipe to try. Little things can make you feel like you're breaking the mould without overstretching yourself. Above all, be kind to yourself. Recognise that once in a while everyone has a quiet day, an off day, a day when they just want to eat sausages whilst hiding under a blanket and that's okay too x

Thank you so much for this inspiring post - I really appreciate it I will definitely be getting on a bus to a random place x

oldestgnome

I have no personal experience however there are some very inspiring people I have come across on these forums with mental and physical health issues and the underlying message I have seen from reading their experiences seems to be "be kind to yourself"

krustylouise

ava_adore wrote: »

I live with social anxiety and PTSD, I get all sorts of unwelcome thoughts, and flashbacks about stuff. I had a good few rough years and I did some stuff I'm not proud of which I tend to emotionally beat myself over the head with.

The best bit of advice I got was "live in the moment" and I've started training myself not to look back at anything from my past.

From an outside perspective, all that life experience can only make you an even better Mum than you already are. You recognised where you had issues, you dealt with them, and you're getting better.

I don't have kids so I can't really advise much more than that, but I hope that you find your peace, and find a way to move on.

Thank you so so much for your reply. It's nice to know you're not alone in circumstances such as this. I'm pleased you're learning to live in the moment and those words are definitely words I'll take with me

krustylouise

oldestgnome wrote: »

I have no personal experience however there are some very inspiring people I have come across on these forums with mental and physical health issues and the underlying message I have seen from reading their experiences seems to be "be kind to yourself"

I have heard that before! My counsellor said I have zero self compassion, it's something that needs serious tweaking! I've gone from not being able to go out in the back garden to peg out the washing to now driving DD to school 6 miles away, leaving the house when I want, to go where I want and I work full time. But I see these as things everybody does so I don't see how far is come.