Saying goodbye to a friend

skattykatty

aah...i see...a beat 'em/join 'em situation. run away!!!

i have very few friends. always have. perhaps that's why my friend leaving me behind hurt so much. I am a few friends but true kind of person and have finally accepted that in me, i don't have the energy for lots of friends! and that's ok.

you will find your way too, and you will lose it and find it again...i think you hit the nail on the head: enjoy things now.

Mojisola

top_drawer wrote: »

One in particular has seen me through some really dreadful times in the past 18 months

I'd go for a Good Luck card as well but also add a brief note thanking her for being such a good friend to you when you needed one.

Soleil_lune

You poor thing topdrawer. Believe it or not, many people don't have that many friends, even though they would never admit to it. I have found friends somewhat over-rated over the years, (in most cases,) and have found that when I have confided in them my hopes and fears and the bad stuff that has happened: they use it against me when the relationship dissolves. I have had people fall out with me and tell all my private stuff to other people, and it hurt really badly.

Not only that, but I have had several friends who get very competitive and quite jealous, and turn a bit b1tchy, and gossipy. I am sure that I am not perfect, but I'm just saying it form my point of view.

I have just two friends and I have known them for many years. They live miles from me now, and I see them every few months. I have NONE at work, (only friendly acquaintances,) and a couple of people in the place where I live who I call friends because me and my husband meet them at the pub twice a month, and we can depend on them if we needed a lift, or someone to look after the pets.

I don't have a 'bezzie,' and I don't have anyone I tell everything to, and this is the way I like it, because I don't 100% trust anyone now after previous bad experiences, and frankly, I am not sure that I would want a BFF who is in your face and your life every day.

Although I must admit to feeling slightly envious of people who *do* have the same kind of friendships as those people on the tv show 'FRIENDS,' but I believe they're few and far between. I am also envious of people of 60 y.o. or older who have friends that they have known since they were 5, and they are still friends with. (Like I said, I do have 2 friends that go way back, like more than 25 years, but we only see each other 3 or 4 times a year.)

So don't feel too blue about it, because you're not alone: I have few friends, and some people have even less than me.

I would just send her a good luck card yes, and ask her to forward her new address to you so you can keep in touch. If she doesn't send it on, then I would just put it down to her not wanting to keep in touch. I'm sure it's not you, and it's not personal. Sometimes people have reasons for moving on and not keeping in touch.

I know it sounds awful, but in the last house we were in, my old neighbour was fairly pleasant and chatty and invited me to BBQs and parties and chatted over the fence etc, but her family were SO LOUD! They had BBQs every other weekend, with loud music and 2 dozen family members and acquaintances, and her young adult children were really loud and frankly, quite horrible: always screaming and effing and blinding. I will probably receive criticism for this, but frankly, they were chavs.

After several years there, my husband and I moved house to the outer fringes of a small town, where it was very middle class/upper middle class, and she must have asked me half a dozen times for my new address, and said 'we'll come and see you,' and 'don't forget to tell us where you're going.' She even sent her 10 y.o. daughter around on the day we were moving to get our address. I said I would post it to her, as I don't have the postcode!

There was no WAY I was keeping in touch with her, because I did not want her and her brood of yobbos coming to my home swearing and screeching. What's more, she and her daughter were acquaintances with someone who I did NOT want to know my new address, (long story,) and I felt sure that they would tell them.

I have no idea why she was so desperate to know where I was moving. We went to the odd BBQ and exchanged pleasantries across the garden fence now and again, but I didn't class her as a friend; just a neighbour, and no WAY was I keeping in touch.

I am sure none of my experience applies to you, but I just thought I'd tell my story.

Hope you will feel better soon, and that you find some new friends. Some friends are here for life, some for only a season, and some stay for a length of time in between, but often, someone does come along when we need them, and when they leave, someone else comes along soon after.

Be happy.

pollypenny

As said, just a good luck card.

You won't like this, but you seem a bit superior with your comment about 'not the usual sort of books' read.

I'd say the examples you gave are typical.

LandyAndy

pollypenny wrote: »

As said, just a good luck card.

You won't like this, but you seen a bit superior with your comment about 'not the usual sort of books' read.

Is say the examples you gave are typical.

You are right.


What an unpleasant and irrelevant thing to say.

Bangton

I don't think it's an unpleasant thing to say. perhaps OP has attended other book groups that were a bit more 'wishy washy'.

I'd send a good luck and leave it there. Don't let it upset you too much. I'm the sort of person who doesn't have friends from long ago. I made friends at school/then went to college and made then lost some school friends. I started work and made friends/they left/I moved departments - we list touch etc. Now I've had a baby my non baby friends are harder to stay in touch with. We're drifting apart really. along the way I've kept friend don't get me wrong but I'd only count 5 as true friends these days.

point is - it happens x

quidsy

How about asking her if she is ok, she sounds like shemight have some problems, things going on & she might need a friend rather than be the one you lean on for support & friendship.

A call to her like "Hi, Just thought I'd give you a quick call & see if you are ok, you've seemed a bit distant lately & I know you have a lot on witht he move & whatnot so wanted to see if there is anything I can do to help, if you need it"

Sometimes the friendship can be too one sided & not to sound harsh but from what you have written you do seem a tad needy in your own isolation, moving back home etc. So maybe, just maybe you have been taking too much from her & she needs someone to give back at a time she is dealing with a lot of change.

Person_one

pollypenny wrote: »

As said, just a good luck card.

You won't like this, but you seem a bit superior with your comment about 'not the usual sort of books' read.

I'd say the examples you gave are typical.

I agree. There's a similar attitude in the comments about the local people not being quite good enough for the OP to socialise with, and her needing 'big city' people.

There are lovely people everywhere TD, but prejudice like that won't help with finding friends at all.

Peter333

Person_one wrote: »

I agree. There's a similar attitude in the comments about the local people not being quite good enough for the OP to socialise with, and her needing 'big city' people.

There are lovely people everywhere TD, but prejudice like that won't help with finding friends at all.

If you mean this

top_drawer wrote: »

I do feel quite lonesome often, I've had to move back into my parents to the small town that I grew up in and there is definitely a difference in outlook / ambition / attitude to life here - lol I'm considered "odd" for being 31 and having no children!

Thanks - please be nice. My parents are a negative blackhole in terms of advice on anything and I don't know anyone who would be able to offer me anything useful.

I would not say this statement was saying that the small town people are not good enough for her. She just said that they have a different outlook to her, and they they find her odd for not being married with kids at 31. I didn't see any prejudice at all. I didn't see anything bad in what she said about books either. She was just saying what books she reads. :huh:

It's amazing how some people find negativity in everything. Even when there's none there. It's like people look for things and if they're not there, they invent them.

And to the OP, I can only echo the advice given; maybe drop her a good luck note, and ask her to keep in touch if she can, but don't worry too much, as you will eventually find new friends.

purpleshoes_2

If you have any meet up groups near you, you might find a book club, theres one local to me, if there arent, why not consider starting one.

The wider issue is that if you meet more people you have things in common with one friend moving away wont seem such a big deal.