Saying goodbye to a friend

Person_one

Peter333 wrote: »

If you mean this

No, it was more this one.

top_drawer wrote: »

It seems to be the people round here are just ... like that!
Difficult to explain but I think I need a big city to meet more like-minded people who want to do stuff / don't expect everything to include their children etc.

I love a bit of genuine debate / discussion, its very difficult to find though.

luckbox

OP. I think you nailed it when you said you think you require a big city to meet more like minded people. It can be difficult living in quiet areas sometimes.

Your friend may have come to the same conclusion hence getting a job away from where you are living.

Sounds like you have no problem meeting people, so might be something to consider more seriously?

top_drawer_2

Thanks everyone for putting me right. I was thinking of it all from my point of view as her move will likely mean that I won't "see her around" as I have for the past few months (declined to meet up) and she is unlikely to return to come to book group. It is also likely to signify the beginning of the end for me attending the book group, my other "friend" left after a fall-out over how to deal with a situation with one of the W.I churchy type individuals. I'm only generalising here as I can't use names and I am the last person who would judge but these are the characteristics that are most common / defined among this group of people.

Maybe I do seem a little bit superior to say that we read a particular type of book. However, I really don't mean it in that manner, I want something in particular from a book group and others seem to want a relaxing, non-committal (and so do I sometimes) read.

I attended a number of different groups to eventually find this one who were able / willing to do discussion in a bit more depth. Its not usual in either of the places I've lived most recently, I wish it was. Maybe in a bigger city it wouldn't matter quite so much that this or that group / friend doesn't work out but here you have only a few choices and you have to make things work for you.

Quidsy - We emailed back and forth up until around March when they petered out, I've a terrible memory so I keep each one to refer to for my next email making sure I ask after some things (not to be overbearing) and not others, referring / relating back. I may be quite wrapped up in myself to some extent but I have been careful to draft them first before sending to edit out anything too needy (I've had a REALLY bad 18 months).

I used to love having a pen friend but despite efforts found that doesn't seem to be something another adult wants.

Person_One - Its not a case of people being good enough - I read that same thread thinking that it sounds a lot like the person leaving the small town is just a bit starstruck - the range of choices seem phenomenal!. I left my small ex-cotton mill town where unemployment is enormous and having a baby / ending up single / living on benefits or on the wage of a menial job is the expectation and moved to a larger town (pretend City!) for university. I was amazed at the choice of shoe shops / clothes shops / handbag shops / choices of things to do in the area / people commuting to work for hours (everybody expects a walk or short journey here) and entrepreneurship that were available. I had never been to a coffee shop such as Starbucks or Subway or had so much choice in terms of eating out. I think I've now outgrown it again though. I think we just want / accept different things.

PurpleShoes - I have looked into Meetup and am in a number of groups, unfortunately any that are in my town tend to be badly attended and eventually collapse. The nearest place where they seem to be more successful is Manchester. I don't drive and trains are infrequent (through train as opposed to a destination).

Luckbox - In the quiet areas I've found things tend to revolve around a pub(s) and you just have to settle for what there is due to transport / people restrictions.

I'm really hoping I'm successful in my application to work abroad although today I've been told the recruiting has been temporarily paused for one of the districts I've applied for and I've only got one other recruiter who is putting me forward for 2 positions in the same country. I was kind of hoping for the latter to come off though as it sounded a better prospect though. I will have to get applying for individual positions instead.

Eastie77

I read somewhere that friendships are for a reason or a season which I think is very true. I’ve made friends who have drifted in and out of my life for various reasons. Friendships do tend to ebb and flow. I have great friends who I see maybe 2-3 times a year. We lead busy lives and in some cases live far apart so do not see each other too often but the bonds of friendship are still very strong and I know I can rely on them if the chips are down and/or I was in a dire emergency.

On the other hand, I was friends with a group of girls from the age of about 15 who still live very close to me. Around five years ago two of them (the two I was closest to in the group) stopped communicating with me. Genuinely have no idea why. I called, sent text messages, e-mails etc about meeting up and was met with silence or a series of cancelled meet-ups with barely credible excuses. I just let it go. We hadn’t fallen out or anything, I think they just moved on.

When I had my baby last year they both separately got in touch after years of silence and left lovely messages on Facebook congratulating me and suggesting we meet up. I replied saying it was lovely to hear from them and suggested times/places to meet but both failed to respond. They still occasionally send me messages asking after me and the little one but it is clear to me that they just want to keep it at that and not actually see me. One still ends her messages with “we have to meet up soon, it’s been ages..” but I know it’s lip service. I reply with a friendly, breezy message and we keep it at that. I do feel a bit sad occasionally as they have known me for so long and there are not many people who I can share memories with that far back in my life. But I think if they were ‘meant’ to be in my life right now they would be (sorry if that sounds a bit new age-ish!)

dandelionclock30

I wouldnt waste another moment thinking about it OP, shes moved on and thats it.
If you want send her a good luck card like the others say, if you dont then no sweat. Concentrate instead on meeting new people and doing new things.
Life is too short to be thinking about people who dont want to be friends anymore. Friends come and go and its all part of life.

pollypenny

OP, maybe your local library has a book group which chooses more challenging reads.

top_drawer_2

pollypenny wrote: »

OP, maybe your local library has a book group which chooses more challenging reads.

The local library here only opens on restricted opening hours (10-4pm / 10-3pm), nothing in the evening anymore.

Person_one

Why don't you start a new book group if there isn't one available that suits?

top_drawer_2

Person_one wrote: »

Why don't you start a new book group if there isn't one available that suits?

I suspect it wouldn't be well attended, there is no call for it. Its a shame for me but I guess that veggies don't tend to look for their sustenance around a barbecue (lol dodgy comparison by a friend).

Person_one

top_drawer wrote: »

I suspect it wouldn't be well attended, there is no call for it. Its a shame for me but I guess that veggies don't tend to look for their sustenance around a barbecue (lol dodgy comparison by a friend).

But there was call for it before, wasn't there? The group where you met your friend and that you originally enjoyed?

Don't fall into the trap of writing off everybody who lives in a certain place, thinking they all fit a stereotypical mould. After all, you live there and you don't fit it!