Change of Names after Wedding

whodathunkit

This is what happens when people stick to outdated traditions like having the woman take her husband's name on marriage.

kitty_kins

Hi

My mum remarried back in 2000 when I was 9 and so she was then a Smith while I remained a Jensen. It was never a problem when we travelled briefly considered changing my name when I was older (and no longer needed Dad's permission) but I thought S Smith was a bit much

Hope this helps

Mojisola

graemecomp wrote: »

My fiancee and I have both been married before and are planning a simple ceremony later this year.

However, I feel quite strongly (it turns out, hadn't thought about it before) that I don't really want to have her still having any connection to her ex's name.

whodathunkit wrote: »

This is what happens when people stick to outdated traditions like having the woman take her husband's name on marriage.

The old tradition was part of the thinking that a woman went into her husband's ownership when she married but that attitude still seems to be colouring graeme's thinking.

Presumably he got to know his future wife under her previous married name - he needs to stop thinking of her surname as "her ex's name" - it's been her name since her previous marriage.

Morglin

whodathunkit wrote: »

This is what happens when people stick to outdated traditions like having the woman take her husband's name on marriage.

I was happy to take DH's name, and think it's actually a nice tradition.

Lin

moneysniffer

I think the problem is you are thinking of it has her ex's name.

She is probably just thinking of it as her children's name - hence the attachment.

Perhaps you need to try and let go of the insecurity surrounding her ex - I think it is perfectly reasonable that she wants to maintain the familial name link with her kids.

TBagpuss

Shushannah wrote: »

Please don't change the children's names. Some of the poor things I have taught have had 3 changes of names in 5 years.:(

If she was married the the father, she cannot change the children's name without father's consent even if she wanted to!

If your fiancee is happy to take your name, then she should go ahead and do so. Passport control is unlikely to be an issue and she can guard against this by taking a copy of her decree absolute and marriage certificate with her if she is concerned.

I agree with others who have said this is not her ex's name - it is hers. Does she want to change it?

If she wants to change, then she should, and deal with any issues regarding passports if and when they arise.

If she doesn't want to, and the concerns about passports are just a way of rationalising that, then the real issue is about you overcoming your jealousy of her ex. And the best way to do that is to focus on that fact that it is you she is marrying.

maybe you could change you name to hers, so that you, she, and the children all share a name.

Mojisola

TBagpuss wrote: »

If she was married the the father, she cannot change the children's name without father's consent even if she wanted to!

Being married is irrelevant. If the children were given the father's name, he has to give permission before it can be changed.

cazziebo

TBagpuss wrote: »

If she was married the the father, she cannot change the children's name without father's consent even if she wanted to!

Nonsense! I changed my children to my maiden name and didn't need any permission. (although ex was supportive; he understood I wanted us all to have same name)

I still had issues at customs, especially Canada. I travelled several times a year as my family live there. I carried a letter from my lawyer saying I was legally able to travel with them.

Mojisola

cazziebo wrote: »

Nonsense! I changed my children to my maiden name and didn't need any permission. (although ex was supportive; he understood I wanted us all to have same name)

If the father has parental responsibility, he has to give his permission.

You can do it - just like you can break any laws - but you shouldn't and if the father objects, the names would have to be changed back.

GobbledyGook

cazziebo wrote: »

Nonsense! I changed my children to my maiden name and didn't need any permission. (although ex was supportive; he understood I wanted us all to have same name)

I still had issues at customs, especially Canada. I travelled several times a year as my family live there. I carried a letter from my lawyer saying I was legally able to travel with them.

Therein lies the difference. If your ex hadn't been supportive you'd have discovered the issues in changing their names without his permission.