Positive steps thread 2014

giblet1979

Hey Kayleigh (and others),

Just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your motivation for this journey, and I hope you are very proud of what you have achieved so far. To have gone through all that, and remain focused on your ultimate goals, and be seeking ways to get there is very inspirational. I'm sending as much motivation as I can to you, and looking forward to seeing your progress - be kind to yourself, you're doing great x

ghostmadlittlemiss

giblet1979 wrote: »

Hey Kayleigh (and others),

Just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your motivation for this journey, and I hope you are very proud of what you have achieved so far. To have gone through all that, and remain focused on your ultimate goals, and be seeking ways to get there is very inspirational. I'm sending as much motivation as I can to you, and looking forward to seeing your progress - be kind to yourself, you're doing great x

Thank you so much for this. I'll admit, I was blinking back tears a bit when I read it, it's very hard for me to be kind to myself sometimes as I get stuck in the mindset of "Oh, I should've done more." I think I definitely need to take some time out to think about how far I've come sometimes.
Kayleigh

ghostmadlittlemiss

Sorry for disappearing on you guys again, I ended up not posting for a day or so due to lack of time and then just let it slide. Plus, it's been quite hard to get back into a routine for the last few days as I've got new neighbours who've settled in now and started playing music and learning the keyboard from about midday to the evening with barely any break. I'm not sure what to do about it as it's daytime noise, although it can get really loud at times, and it can really sap your motivation to do anything when there's just this constant background noise going on all the time. You end up just lying there waiting for it to stop sometimes and it never does.

Although to be fair on them, they are great about stopping when it gets late, I've only had to talk to them about noise late at night once (last night and I'm really proud of myself for having done it as I was scared to death :T). I've certainly had worse neighbours, much worse, but it's still kind of annoying.
Kayleigh

ghostmadlittlemiss

So, my list for today (what's left of it):

[STRIKE]Make Do Not Disturb sight for door (so I can listen to my hypnosis when my OH is asleep without worrying that he'll wake up and then come in).[/STRIKE] Done.
Listen to motivational hypnosis MP3.
Wash bedding.
Put out recycling.
Drop cleaning ads through letterboxes.
Food shopping at Sainsburys.
Make Vegetable Masala for dinner.

Kayleigh

ghostmadlittlemiss

Well, tonight is a write off, I'm afraid. Occasionally, I get these mental episodes that I don't have a name for where I can't cope with doing anything at all. I end up frozen in bed and when I think about getting up and doing something, it's like my mind runs into a brick wall. I haven't had one since I left my job and started working for myself and I know the neighbours are to blame. They're lovely people, they really are, they just don't realise how much noise travels in this house and if I'm honest, I'm ridiculously over-sensitive to noise. They're talking in their kitchen at the moment and every time one of them laughs, I jump, that's how worked up I am.

Anyway, it doesn't really matter whose fault it is, if anyone's. The point is that I refuse to lose months of my life to these neighbours, the way I did to some truly hellish ones a few years ago (that's how I know these ones aren't that bad). The year I lived with those horrible people in the flat above me was my last year at university before they kicked me out and in hindsight, I think my nervous breakdown may have happened a year earlier than I normally say it did, as I missed most of my lectures because of just being so panicky that I couldn't leave the house.

So, I've had a look online and found a special offer on two hypnosis mp3s, one for noisy neighbours and one for noise sensitivity. I'm going to listen to the noisy neighbours one tonight before I go to sleep and if they're loud tomorrow and it's still bothering me, I'll listen to the noise sensitivity one. I might well listen to the second one tomorrow anyway, just as a preventive measure. Either way, I'm not going to let this beat me.
Kayleigh
PS After having made a plan and written about it, I've actually found that the frozen feeling has gone almost completely. This is the first time I've ever been able to calm myself down that much that quickly. :T

Cwtchie

Anxiety causes anxiety, that's how I feel. The more anxious I become the more I let smaller things make me more anxious. I find that thinking about something completely different for about 5 minutes, preferably positive, chanting positive things lessens it considerably at that moment. Once you find something that lessens it for you, it is easier to remember what to do in an anxiety moment. Breathe

ghostmadlittlemiss

Cwtchie wrote: »

Anxiety causes anxiety, that's how I feel. The more anxious I become the more I let smaller things make me more anxious. I find that thinking about something completely different for about 5 minutes, preferably positive, chanting positive things lessens it considerably at that moment. Once you find something that lessens it for you, it is easier to remember what to do in an anxiety moment. Breathe

It's definitely the way, yes. If I get really anxious about one thing, it can make it nearly impossible to do things that would just be a mild inconvenience otherwise. I really need to work on methods for calming myself down that don't distract me from everything else though. I've been using playing games or watching videos on my phone as a distraction but whenever I do that, the next thing I know it's an hour later and I'm no further forward! :eek:

I really need to do something about this mess that I'm in. I've fallen into the worse rut that I've been in since my breakdown and I have to drive 6 hours to my OH's family on Thurs, volunteer at a music festival for nearly as long on the Sat and then drive back on the Mon! :eek: I honestly thought that I was getting somewhere, even to the extent that I e-mailed to discuss my options for going back again as I'd read an NUS article saying that if you left a degree due to illness, that meant you could take it again later with full funding. They said that they'd look into it and get back to me but I'm starting to wish that I'd never got in touch with them in the first place. I feel like I'm just setting myself up for a fall again.

Anyway, complaining won't get me anywhere. I'll just keep going with the lists and wait and see what they say.
Kayleigh
(List to follow in next post)

ghostmadlittlemiss

List for later today:

Listen to motivational hypnosis mp3. (M/mw)
[STRIKE]Shower. (Misc)[/STRIKE] Done.
Get steamer out of cupboard and clean if needed. (Misc)
[STRIKE]Search boot of car for road map. (Misc)[/STRIKE] Done.
[STRIKE]Fill petrol tank up and buy map if needed. (Misc)[/STRIKE] Done.
See if 2nd hand shop will buy steamer. If not, drop off at charity shop.
[STRIKE]Go to drop in session at doctor's between 2pm and 4pm (take book). (Misc) [/STRIKE] Done.
[STRIKE]Pick up meds from chemist. (Misc)[/STRIKE] Done.
Sort out box in hallway with OH. (Misc)
Pack bag for travelling the next day. (Misc)

I'd better get to sleep, I've got a lot to get done.
Kayleigh

ghostmadlittlemiss

Hi,

The OH decided that we didn't need the box in the hallway cleared after all so there was no need to tick that or clearing the kitchen cupboard to make room for what was in the box off the list. Other than that, I think I've done quite well. I won't be back until Mon evening at the earliest because of the trip up north so I'll see you all then.
Kayleigh

ghostmadlittlemiss

Hi everyone,

I got back from the trip up north yesterday, we ended up staying an extra day as I wasn't well enough to drive back on the Mon. I had to rush out earlier today so I couldn't write a list today.

I'm having a bit of a rough night, I'm afraid. It's just hit me that I honestly don't have any real friends. I have some people that I know from my Slimming World group and from playing badminton but nearly all of them are at least a decade older than me and not people that I'd socialise with outside of where I know them from. I'm seriously lonely and I'm not sure what to do about it. At uni, it was easy to meet new people, they were all around you. You either met them in lectures or through societies or socials. Now, I'm really not sure how to go about meeting anyone new.

On the plus side, I've found out recently that as I left my university course owing to illness (technically, they were the ones in charge of the leaving but never mind that...), it might be possible for me to get student loans again, as if I hadn't had any previously. So I might actually be able to afford to go back to university some time soon! :j And that really should be a more important fact to focus on than my lack of friends. So I'm in the process of sending frantic e-mails to anyone that I can think of to gather the required evidence. I'm using my usual technique when asked to provide medical evidence to support an application, which is to swamp the people in question with such detailed paperwork that they approve my application just to shut me up. It's always worked so far. :rotfl:
Kayleigh