What would you, as a parent, do about sons like these?

kingslayer

Okay, so I have this friend who lives with his family; he has two older brothers, an uncle, and his parents who all live under the same roof. He, as well as his eldest brother, are two really lazy individuals.

My friend just sits playing video games; watching t.v. or browsing the internet everyday, but at least he is receiving benefits, whereas his eldest brother is very, very lazy. His eldest brother is 33 years old and refuses to claim jobseekers; he sits on his bum everyday and watches t.v. and doesn't help out at home at all.

Their dad and uncle are almost as useless (my friends mum's words, not mine), but at least their dad goes out to work as a bus driver for long hours, but their uncle only works two days a week, but seems just as lazy.

Their mum works like a dog. She grew up on a small island in the Caribbean and therefore learned to work hard and earn her living the hard way. She constantly has to gear them up or try to motivate them, all to no avail, and she gets really angry that they won't do anything with their lives.

I feel her frustration when i'm there, so i help out with garden work, housework and other such duties. She cooks me dinner every time I visit, so it's the least i can do. But the thing is, it frustrates and annoys me too, as I'm there and see how much their mum has to do everyday. She cleans, tends to the tennants and housework on a letted property she has, then comes home and cooks dinner (with no help) for the guys of the house, rinse and repeat. I feel really bad for her and I don't understand why the men of the house don't do more to help her out.

The middle brother works and is out most of the day, but even when he's home off work, he does exactly the same as the other two brothers, meanwhile their mum is slaving away 7 days a week, all non-sleeping hours of the day.

She refuses to kick them out, though, because they are her children and she understandably cares/loves them, but that's why she wants to see them do better for themselves.

What would you guys do if you had children like that?

pollypenny

They are not 'children' but grown men! Lazy slobs, in fact. However, looks like she has made them like that and there's not much you can do about it.

Morglin

Personally, I wouldn't feed and look after family members who weren't contributing to the home, whether from benefits or employment.

But, it's her fault, as she has obviously reared her kids to be idle wastrels, so that's what she's got to live with. :doh:

I would stay right out of it, stop helping, and let them sort themselves out.

Lin

susieq87

seems to me like shes an enabler. she cooks and cleans after them, why? when they have been home all day on the xbox/ps.
also, nothing irks me more than a person that claims JSA and is not actually looking for work! you're better off not claiming it if you know you're not going to be looking for work because the whole purpose of it is to sustain while you are seeking employment, not just have pocket money while you play video games!

duchy

I'd mind my own business -It's their family and if she chooses to enable their behaviour it's up to her.

I'd be concerned my son had a "friend" who thought so little of him and his family though.

bagpussbear

Nothing will change unless the parents issue an ultimatum - get work, pull your weight around the house or get out.

The mum may be the one that's running around like a dog after them, but what about their father. He needs to grow a pair and stop letting his family treat his wife so badly.

Alikay

I wouldn't be in the same situation because it wouldn't happen in our family. The older I get, the more variation I see in the dynamics of different families/couples.

Your friend's mum hasn't been captured and enslaved by the idle males in her family: The situation will have evolved over many years, led by the different personalities within the family, and if she really wanted to cut her work-load I expect she is resourceful enough to find the means. I'm sure she must appreciate you helping out when you visit though .

sassyblue

I think you have to make sure they don't grow into adults like that! It's too late now the 33 year old is never going to find any ambition, l suspect laziness is ingrained in them now.

It's sad for your friend but then she is sadly one reason they grew up like this.

StuC75

Of the two I actually have the most respect for the 33yr Old that isn't claiming Jobseekers, since hes not actually seeking out a job but preferring and actually able to sponge off the parents..

So the one that 'at least he is receiving benefits' is by far the laziest and work shy..

what would I do if my sons were like that - they wouldn't have ever got to be like that. They are only that way because the parents have tolerated that, so it would need something huge for them to even think of changing from that... That ought to be your motivation to get out and do more kingslayer so you don't fall (deeper) into that lifestyle!

kingslayer wrote: »

My friend just sits playing video games; watching t.v. or browsing the internet everyday, but at least he is receiving benefits, whereas his eldest brother is very, very lazy. His eldest brother is 33 years old and refuses to claim jobseekers; he sits on his bum everyday and watches t.v. and doesn't help out at home at all.

Errata

The lot of them are disfunctual, including the mother whose life is as chaotic as the rest of them

Saint_Chris

you reap what you sow................the mother has allowed this to go on and on and on, as it's not just happened overnight.