Single Dad, working nights!

elsien

My brothers and I regularly stayed at home on our own at that age - pre-mobile phone and ipad days. If daughter is genuinely ok with it, with all the safeguards in place and dad being able to get home in a few minutes I don't see it as a biggy.

Mojisola

silvercar wrote: »

I wouldn't feel safe as a 12 year old in a house alone at night with or without iphone/ ipad/ cctv.

That's why it depends on the 12 year old.

I would have liked being thought grown-up enough to be left (even though I knew help was only minutes away in an emergency).

quidsy

Just make sure your daughter is well prepared in case of emergency, such as fire drill in case of fire, hiding drill in case of possible intruder. When SS come round show them the security in place, how often you check in, IPAD, secutiry cams etc & that your daughter is well versed & trained ( do a few run throughs on fire & saftey drill) and when they speak to your daughter, she will back up the support you have in place.

My mum worked away 5 nights a week when I was 12, my 18 yo sis was "supposed" to look after me but was mostly out with mates or bf. I pretty much took care of myself & we never bothered mum with it as she had a hard enough job keeping a roof over our heads anyway.

Skulls

Thanks everyone, just wanted to know it wasn't just me belittling the situation and as I have said my daughter has absolutely no problem with the set up. She has finally agreed to going to see her mum once a week. Directly after school for a couple of hours, them will catch a bus back to mine or Nanny's, depending on which day, her exact words, not mine!

quidsy

At nearly 13 years old your daughter has a voice of her own that ss "should" take into account. If the worse thing about staying with you is your night work & her being left alone with you 3-4 minutes away a couple of days a week then it really shouldn't be an issue. You are doing everything you can to ensure your child is safe & she is fine with the set up. SS will likely realise mum is just being spiteful due to loss of CB

Confusedandneedhelp

I'd say there is absolutely no problem leaving a level headed 12 year old alone at night. Uve taken precautions. As long as she can contact u, I don't see the problem.

It seems likely that SS are monitoring your daughter, rather than u, due to attendance etc ( might be wrong ofcourse)

BucksLady

OP, although I do empathise with you, your situation does concern me. Earlier this year I was at home on my own and had an attempted break-in at my property. It was really scary and I wouldn't wish anyone to go through that. However, I'm an adult and had the maturity to act in a way that a Minor may not. My fear would be that the same might happen to your daughter. We have very high security here - but it didn't matter to the guys concerned.
I do wish you well for the future

toffifee

What you're doing seems fine to me.

Just one thought though - what if there's a power cut and the CCTV stops working? I guess you'd return home to check everything's OK, but then what would you do if the power is off for a while? Not expecting an answer, just wanted to give you another scenario you might need to plan for.

Confusedandneedhelp

BucksLady wrote: »

OP, although I do empathise with you, your situation does concern me. Earlier this year I was at home on my own and had an attempted break-in at my property. It was really scary and I wouldn't wish anyone to go through that. However, I'm an adult and had the maturity to act in a way that a Minor may not. My fear would be that the same might happen to your daughter. We have very high security here - but it didn't matter to the guys concerned.
I do wish you well for the future

I see your point and obviously am glad to hear you are ok. These things do happen and as adults and parents we cannot monitor children 24/7. A 12 year old likely will go out with friends - without adult supervision. That leaves the possibility of mugging, assault, drink drivers, etc. it's life's risks.

I was mugged when I was 13, twice actually, and whilst not a pleasant experience, my parents could not have prevented it unless they were with me 24/7.

Whilst absolutely horrible, a burglary does happen to a low percentage of the population. Not necessarily just at night. And this again would require adult attendance 24/7 to prevent.

Life is a risk, minimise the risk ofcourse, when possible. But it's impractical to remove the risk altogether.

rpc

Skulls wrote: »

RAS is could be neglect but her mum insists it's abuse!

Neglect is abuse. It's actually the most common form.

It sounds like you are taking a sensible approach, so let SS see that. Don't make them think you are hiding from them - be open about it.

SS have to investigate. That doesn't mean that there is actually anything wrong.