Single Dad, working nights!

Skulls

I'm after a bit of advice. My daughter, who is 12yrs 5mths, has recently been living with me due to various problems with her Mum, not sending her to school (70% attendance). She is, I think, a fairly bright girl (past Kent test attending grammar school) 5'5" tall. She has been able to drive my car since she was 10yrs, I have some big fields! and has been riding horses since she was 6.

My problem is I work nights, only 3-4 mins away (2.3 miles) and have free reign of when I take my breaks (every 2hrs 40 mins). I return home at least twice every shift to check on her/house. I have also installed cctv which I have a live stream on my phone/iPad at work, the phone/iPad is on my desk right in front of me, the cctv also alerts me if it picks up any sound, movement or change in temperature. When I first set cctv up it was picking up sound and motion from fridge freezer coming on/off, it's very sensitive.

My daughter spends 2 night every week with her Nanny and the other 5 with me, 2 of which I'm off for and 3 I am working.

I've been informed Social Services are investigating me for child abuse! I've done quite a bit of research and there are only guidelines. The law says that parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’.

As far as I'm concerned my daughter is being supervised to a higher standard than most 12 year olds. Her mobile is next to her bed when sleeping, there is a home-phone if mobile loses signal. She has my works number, my mobile number and both neighbours numbers. I am also looking at installing an alarm I can set off from work via mobile/wifi to wake her up if I see problem.

She is asleep when I go to work and normally still asleep when I return at end of shift. I normally check on her by home visit around 1.45 and again around 4.30. My shift is 11pm- 7am

Am I really abusing my daughter?

Any other suggestions greatly appreciated xxx

Mojisola

Skulls wrote: »

I've been informed Social Services are investigating me for child abuse!

Have SS said "child abuse"? If there are concerns about a child's welfare, SS have to investigate but leaving a child alone isn't what most people would call abuse.

If your daughter is a sensible 12 year old (and some 12 year olds are very competent young people) and she is happy about being on her own three nights a week, there shouldn't be a problem.

As well as all the controls you have in place, have you got her to practice what she would do if she woke in the night with a problem? If you physically practice emergency actions, you are more likely to be able to do them when the need arises than if you have only talked about it.

Set up scenarios - she wakes up and feels ill; she wakes up and hears some noises; she wakes up in the morning and you haven't come home; etc.

Sky_

Unless there are other things going on, you're probably being investigated for neglect, rather than abuse.

It sounds really difficult and you sound like a very caring father. I don't think you're abusing her and your set up sounds very good, but things can still go wrong and I personally would feel very uncomfortable leaving a 12 year old alone overnight on a regular basis.

Are there any other arrangements you could make for the next year or so, until she is 13/14? Could she go to her nan's in pyjamas at bedtime, sleep there and be collected by you on your way home from work in the morning?

RAS

Who has reported you?

Is this for neglect or child abuse?

It may be "he leaves her alone all night" which is rather different to the scenario that you are describing.

Enterprise_1701C

Have a look here. Might help a little. If you had to remove her from her mother, is it possible that she has contacted social services?

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents/keeping-your-child-safe/being-home-alone/home-alone_wda96754.html

Skulls

Thanks Sky, her Nan is just a bit too far away. My daughter is more than happy with the situation, We have gone through various potential problems and she knows what to do. RAS is could be neglect but her mum insists it's abuse!

Skulls

Thanks Enterprise that is one of the many sites I've researched and yes it is her Mum causing the problem since I've claimed the child benefit!!! Since the end of April my daughter has spent around 8 days at her Mums only because SS have said she must and the only days she has missed school all happen while staying at her Mums, 4 days!

ariba10

Sorry to hear of your problems but,

If the dreaded SS get involved you have my sympathy.

The very best of luck!

vicstick86

https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

I would say let ss investigate, their caseloads are so large and full of actual children in need, yours would be shut again after the first visit.
aslong as you feel happy and so does your daughter then as above there isnt any law to stop you!

wendyak

I am afraid you have hit the nail on the head, its all about money !!!
I have also been on the end of this kind of malice just because some of their benefits have been withdrawn......keep strong and do the best you can.
At the moment I think you should just wait and see what transpires as sometimes worrying takes over and there is no need.....ss will contact you if they are concerned, be open to input and see how it goes , good luck xx

silvercar

I wouldn't feel safe as a 12 year old in a house alone at night with or without iphone/ ipad/ cctv.