Frump to Fab - Onwards and Upwards

maddiemay

Kiwisaver you have just made me laugh out loud:D In my early 50's I had a spell when I was overweight by about 2 dress sizes, I saw a photo of me taken at "a bit of a do" and thought OMG I look just like my mother:( Now I love her dearly, but do not want to look like her).

The weight has come off me, but ma is very overweight, now elderly and not very mobile, so although I have joint problems I battle to keep active, watch my weight weekly so I can make adjustments, have pink streaks in my grey hair and love tunics and skinny jeans or leggings, I an now 65:( (although to still be around iykwim:D) and I think she must wonder what she has brought up, I know that she dislikes my hair as she has never made one single comment about it and just has a stony face when other people admire it LOL

Will not be very fab, probably a little sticky, jam making session scheduled today and have plants to put in garden, but hopefully will be able to dress up a little tomorrow.

lessonlearned

Kiwisaver wrote: »

I think because of her I always aspired to be more glamorous in my older age.

I think your pink hair sounds fab. Perhaps your mum wishes she had been a bit braver when she was younger.

Same here. I want to be a "glamour puss" even in my dotage.

I look at Honour Blackman (the best of all the Bond Girls) who is now well into her 80's and I think - yes that's how I want to be.:D

There are some fabulous older beauties - ok some have had a "little help" but even without surgery they would still have aged well and looked good.

Actors like Helen Mirren are great role models showing us how to do what I call grown up glamour, whilst my all time favourite Glamourous Granny has to be Tina Turner. She really is "Simpy the Best" :rotfl:

(Perhaps I should make that my funeral entrance music…….).

Having said that I was told by one of our guests at the funeral that I looked "like a film star". Must have been the Jackie O sunglasses.:D

My sister and I were in my bedroom getting dressed and she told me she had her Jackie Os at the ready for when she started to weep. I thought what a brilliant idea because I was a bit concerned about the "tear factor" and whether or not I should wear eye make up.

So in the end I just went for a bit of shadow, a flick of mascara and filling in my sparse eyebrows (too much plucking when I was young:D) So, rather than wear my ordinary glasses or contact lenses I just went with my prescription sunnies. A light go with the blusher and a slick of lippy and I was done.

I had managed to get my hair cut and coloured so with my nice smart Jackie O dress and jacket ensemble I suppose I did look quite glam…..Still better than looking like a bag lady.

I feel a bit fragile and tired so just taking it easy. I had a splitting headache most of yesterday but thankfully that has now lifted.

I have mountains of stuff to do, masses of legal and financial paperwork to get through but I'm giving myself a complete weekend off. I can get stuck in next week.

Rummer Glad you enjoyed your day so much. Sounds just the ticket.

Pru - thinking of you. Hoping your daughter is a little better.

Hope you are all well. Have a fab weekend.

Rummer

LL Just do what your body, heart and mind need whatever that may be at the moment.

I have a fashion dilemma at the moment. My style has always been tea/skater style dresses with flats or boots and a cardigan, in fact that has been my signature look since I was 15 :rotfl: However I am beginning to think that I need a new look which is a bit more polished.

Hmmmmm I will need to give this thought…...

Kiwisaver_2

lessonlearned wrote: »

Actors like Helen Mirren are great role models showing us how to do what I call grown up glamour, whilst my all time favourite Glamourous Granny has to be Tina Turner. She really is "Simpy the Best" :rotfl:

Helen Mirren is pure fab on a stick; I am watching Calendar Girls on TV right now and grinning from ear to ear. Such British loveliness with all my favourite ladies. I also saw Helen Mirren in the 100 foot Journey a couple of weeks back at the cinema and would thoroughly recommend that film for some similar feel good factor.


Glad to hear you're planning a restful weekend LL - all the paperwork and chores can wait until you're ready.

lizzie157

lessonlearned wrote: »

Lizzie - try not to fret over your daughters fiscal irresponsibility, nagging her will only make matters worse.

I offered advice when she first got into a mess and have not voiced anything since unless asked. I do however have H constantly tell me to 'get on to her' about it.

Can you get hold of some money management books or online blogs. There are quite a few aimed at young women nowadays, explaining the importance of female independence and good money habits.

Here's a thought and please don't be offended.

Children learn best from parental example. Maybe your daughter looks at your situation with your partner and your finances and perhaps finds it difficult to square what you are trying to teach her with what she thinks she sees.

Perhaps she only sees lack of money and you being trapped in a situation over which you have little control. She's not seeing the full picture because she doesn't realise how hard you have to work to stretch your meagre budget to keep you afloat.

She sees the graceful swan gliding through the water but not the furious peddling underneath the surface.
I take your point on the relationship -i am indeed not a good example. I have said to her though that i hope she will learn from my mistakes and since she has just binned her boyfriend (she was besotted for a couple of years) i think that lesson may have sunk in.
As for the money side i'm exceptionally good at stretching the budget -If we can't afford it though we don't have it. I've always made sure the children were fed, clothed and missed out on as little as possible but they have always know money was tight -even when H was at work. We always managed a family holiday when prices were cheap season until a few years ago. In this area I think I'm a very good role model. In the end no matter what amount you have to live on you have to live within that amount. As I've said before we have no debt, any credit is squared at the end of each month. I think the problem may be that i've managed TOO well, gone without too much so that they didn't and not valued myself enough. Recognising this is one thing but changing the mindset of nearly 30 years is totally another.

Take this opportunity of stepping back a little and making her share some of your burden. She is an adult now and needs to assume the mantle of adulthood and not just enjoy the trappings of being a grown up. She cannot learn responsibility if she is not given any.

We cannot wrap our children in cottonwool - they need freedom to make mistakes and learn from them.

I don't think I have tbh. H is the one that has struggled with lack of control over their actions once they hit 18. Even when the older ones lived at home, they had certain chores but other than that their lives were their own. I only asked that they let me know if they weren't eating or sleeping at home, for practical reasons. i have struggled recently with the chores side as they see H sitting around, never taking the initiative and i know this has an effect on their behaviour- as you say 'learning by example' This is what needs to change. The notion that Mum will do it because she gets fed up of waiting for them to.

She's back with you but do not let her slip back into old childish ways. Yes she's back with Mum and you will always want to mother her. However she is a young woman now not a babe in arms.
I am worried that she thinks this is what will happen that she can revert to being looked after but it definitely isn't. She will be expected to help. She has OCD so it may actually be her that struggles with our at times untidy home.

Give her some proper designated household tasks, bite your tongue if she makes a hash of them at first. Step back take a break and let her help and support you. Try and use this time to forge a new bond with her - one that allows her to become your equal and which allows her to blossom a little.

You may find that this difficult time becomes just the catalyst that is needed for you all to turn your lives around

These dark days might become your springboard to a brighter future.

Kiwisaver- Your hair sounds fab. Id love to do something like that but i'd have to bleach it first as the hair that isn't grey is very dark. i do know what you mean about your mum, mine is the same. She has sometimes passed things she didn't want to me and I've quietly passed them on to the charity shop whilst wondering if she ever notices i don't wear the things she wore at my age.

LL think you are right to take it easy. Just do what feels right.

my Ou materials are here, it's that time already.
Have a good day everyone.

maman

lizzie157 wrote: »

my Ou materials are here, it's that time already.
Have a good day everyone.

that always signals the end of summer (unless you're kiwi of course;)).


I was going to read and run as expecting visitors but just had to post about my own mum. Almost all my memories of her are being very glamorous. I remember just after DD1 was born feeling such a frump next to her. Fortunately it motivated me to go out and buy some smart new clothes. She did put on some weight in her mid-fifties but I think (although we never discussed it) she was ashamed of looking fat in my brother's graduation photos so went to WW with a friend. By the time of his wedding a couple of years later she'd slimmed down and was looking fab again. Right up until she died, she used to shop in an expensive local boutique. My brother used to tell her she didn't need any more clothes but I used to encourage her!!


I'll be interested to hear what sort of look you're aiming for rummer. I'm starting to browse a few autumn catalogues and see what's around that I might adapt to suit what I've got in my wardrobe and any additions I might need.

lessonlearned

Oh dear Lizzie - I hope you weren't offended by my post.

I honestly think that you must have done a sterling job to manage your finances so well. To have not got into debt must have taken a superhuman effort.

I just mentioned it because I wondered if your daughter hadn't realised how tough things were, simply because you had done such a fantastic job and had shielded your children from the reality of your financial situation.

I know my OH and I did exactly that when we were hard up because we didn't want the boys to worry.

You are right about your children picking up behavioural clues from your partner though. If he just sits on his derriere whilst you rush around doing stuff for everyone then they are bound to think that this is just the way it is. We learn from the reality we live with, until we step out into the wider world and see that other people may live differently. You can't blame children for copying their parents.

My boys learned to pitch in because that's what my husband did. The fact that none of them were any good at it, my darling OH included, was neither here nor there. They did at least try.

Actually DS1 is now quite domesticated. DS2 is still a work in progress, bless him. I ventured into his bedroom this morning:eek::rotfl::rotfl:

Dont torture yourself about not setting a good example with relationships. Sometimes we see other people's relationships and realise that what we are seeing is not what we want for ourselves. We observe and then try and do the opposite, which by the sound of things, is what your daughter has in fact done.

I looked at my parents' marriage and decided that theirs was not the kind of relationship I would want. I picked a man who was the polar opposite of my father. It worked out well. :rotfl: My sister, on the other hand, married a carbon copy of dad.

As for managing to fit in your OU course while dealing with everything else, well that is truly a magnificent example to give any child.

You have shown such courage and tenacity. I feel sure that with your sheer staying power then things will come right for you in the end.

You may not think it but I think you will be an inspiration to your children, maybe not right at this minute but definitely in the years to come they will look back and marvel at your achievements.

Just hang in there and keep doing what you are doing, because believe me, you are doing it right.

Kiwisaver_2

lizzie157 wrote: »

Kiwisaver- Your hair sounds fab.

The posts above got a bit confused; it's Maddiemay that has the fab pink hair. I'm loving all the retro styles with powdery blue and lilac greys that are about at the moment but I'm not brave enough to go there.

Sounds like you're in a better frame of mind Lizzie; I think if you can take a firm stance on what is an acceptable v unacceptable behaviours from your family they'll soon learn that Mamma ain't gonna be no walk over anymore.

My OH is a lot like yours in terms of not taking initiative to get up off his backside until things start to look ugly and I look like I am about to blow a fuse. So if that's what it takes, that's what he gets.

System

Oh dear I have to agree about the mum thing - as someone said, I love mine dearly but I don't want to look or dress like her yet!
I'm 53 now - at that age she was a teacher, wearing tweed skirts with co-ordinating hand-knit woolly jumpers, and sensible flat shoes. Now at 84 she's in the old-lady crimplene 'trews' with the same jumpers and sensible shoes! Nothing wrong with any of that, she's 'of her age' as am I. But it wouldn't suit me now and it never will! I live in jeans mostly because I have a physical job, with trainers and T-shirt. I like to dress up if I can but if I get the chance I err towards tailored trousers and jacket with a nice top, and sensible shoes that work with my orthotic insoles However, now I've discovered how comfy Converse are, and my insoles fit, my feet may get a whole new image :rotfl:
Also in awe (and slightly jealous) of the pink hair :T
Sending best wishes to those struggling at the moment; can't offer any useful words of advice/help but can send buckets of these :grouphug: so help yourselves.
Rx

Rummer

Evening all

Well today was all about the garden fabbing I get such pleasure from relaxing in my garden with the children and my hubby so we all spent the last couple of days working hard to make it better and it is looking fabulous! The fence and shed have been painted and it has been tidied up and weeded. I am looking forward to sitting out tomorrow with a coffee and a good book while my boy plays

As for personal fabbing well that has been a bit hit and miss :rotfl: I was doing well with the healthy eating until the weekend when hubby and DD decided to have a movie night with all the trimmings and then tonight we tucked into an italian feast Back on track tomorrow, especially now that I have joined the new slimming world thread!