Families where all parents work, how do you cope?

rosie-lee

onlyroz wrote: »

When my kids had chicken pox I was allowed to work from home. If they're free the grandparents are willing to help with things like this. Otherwise I have the option of taking unpaid leave. I think this is one of those parental rights (ie your employer has to have a good business reason to turn down a request for unpaid leave if you have caring responsibilities).

But in general we get by pretty well by making use of our right for flexible working (ie we have shifted our hours outside of the standard 9-5 arrangement) and through the use of after school and holiday clubs.

The thing that's worrying me at the moment is what I'm going to do when my son reaches secondary age in two years. The school I'd like to get him into involves a 1.5 mile walk or cycle, and as far as I can tell there is no form of after school provision - and I'm unsure whether it's ok to leave him to his own devices until 6pm.

I've found secondary school easier than primary school. They can go to the library after school which is open until quite late. Means he gets his homework done before getting home as well.

We each know our own children. I feel fortunate that at 12 mine is quite mature, understands the 'rules' and I no longer have qualms about him letting himself in & occupying (usually on the computer!) or doing his household jobs, himself for a couple of hours.

We've also had lengthy conversations and he understands why not to answer the door. We would tell him in the unlikely event anyone was expected & if they aren't expected they can call back when we are in. Whoever it is, it certainly won't be for him so just don't answer the door to strangers !

It working well, hope all goes well for you.

AngelAlexa

I worked on relief contracts till my youngest was about 11. It meant I could refuse hours if there was a problem.

Atomix

Here's a different angle-
Our mother walked out / left my father when I was a toddler (x2 siblings too). Father was working full time / and we (x3 boys) were dropped off at a child minders x10 miles from home. Then my dad had to drive back and 10 miles further to work every day (my younger brother was 2. He did this until my younger brother was at secondary school age. At this age we were dropped off at school at 8.00 every morning (an hour early) so my father could get to work, we would have to let ourselves in everyday after school, my eldest brother (x2 school years apart between all of us) and I would have to cook the evening meal every night - father would be home at 6.30. Every night.

There was no messing about / arsing on with xboxes - we had to get on with it.

I still wonder today how he/we managed it. Strict routines, and I mean strict. I remember seeing all 7 annual reports from school (secondary school) with 100% attendance - no bull! We had chicken pox/mumps pre-school age...

So if my dad (a bloke) can do it with x3 - then there's no excuse in my eyes...

onlyroz

rosie-lee wrote: »

We've also had lengthy conversations and he understands why not to answer the door. We would tell him in the unlikely event anyone was expected & if they aren't expected they can call back when we are in. Whoever it is, it certainly won't be for him so just don't answer the door to strangers !

It working well, hope all goes well for you.

I'm pretty sure that under ordinary circumstances my son would be fine to be left on his own for a few hours. However, you also have to be sure that they'd cope in unexpected circumstances - like what if there was a fire, or if he injured himself, or lost his keys, or something like that. But I've got two years to teach him.

I have a slight dilemma - there are two secondary schools close to us. One is "OK" and is right across the road from my parents' house - so no problems with after school because he could just go and see them for a bit. The other is excellent but is a bit further away - still just about walkable, but it's in the next village and is in the opposite direction from my parents' house. Decisions decisions...

Spendless

onlyroz wrote: »

I'm pretty sure that under ordinary circumstances my son would be fine to be left on his own for a few hours. However, you also have to be sure that they'd cope in unexpected circumstances - like what if there was a fire, or if he injured himself, or lost his keys, or something like that. But I've got two years to teach him.

I have a slight dilemma - there are two secondary schools close to us. One is "OK" and is right across the road from my parents' house - so no problems with after school because he could just go and see them for a bit. The other is excellent but is a bit further away - still just about walkable, but it's in the next village and is in the opposite direction from my parents' house. Decisions decisions...

Something you might want to consider because I haven't found after school activities or homework clubs easier at Secondary school is how do the buses run and what's the walking route like during the winter months.

My son attends school in the next village, but if he doesn't come out when school kicks out, the dedicated school bus service has left and there's no alternative but to walk as the public bus route doesn't link the 2 villages up. These are fine during the light months, but not in winter as they mean you have to walk across a deserted playing field or down an unlit country lane.

meer53

Bublin1 sums it up for me. I'm also a single parent with no grandparents or family nearby. I've worked full time since my daughter was 2. I work full time over 4 days which helps, but 9 hour days are long and tiring on top of everything else which needs doing too.

You just sort it, it can be done. Takes a lot of organising but you can do it.

jackomdj

We both work, although OH is a contractor so has no paid time off, so covering sickness/holidays is my responsibility.

Most of the time it is fine and I can take short notice time off. However I work in finance and have some deadlines that need meeting each month. When DD was ill at that time I looked after her during the day and went into work when OH came home, so I worked from 4 till 9 (just did the hours needed to get what I needed to submit done.). I am fortunate to have a very understanding boss.

freebiequennie

We have no family near us my work is paid carers leave at managers discretion. Husband is annual leave or unpaid leave.

He is starting school this yr n been in childcare since 9mths n I have had 2 days off twice for chest infection n what worked out as 3 work days for chickenpox as fell on a fri n had weekend n I don't work Mon.

Husband has had 2 odd days at last min as annual leave for childminder sickness.

We use 2 days childminder n 2 days nursery.

I have always had my leave paid but then as you can see its minimal and also I am rarely off sick myself so my manager is more understanding than the people who are always off sick themselves n then need carers leave for kids granny husband having an OP etc etc etc.

FBaby

I think having a very understanding boss is quite key. The best I have found are men, fathers of young children who are quite involved with their children. They are the most understanding. The worse are women pass childrearing age, who either never had children, or who children are grown up and were in boarding schools, or left to their parents to bring up.

Bangton

I thought this applied to everyone but maybe it's just mine and OHs employers. We are allowed up to 4 weeks a year in parental leave. It's unpaid but that's okay with me. so that's potentially 8 weeks there plus we get holidays. I get 6 weeks a year and my OH 4 (I think! )

I have family close by but my mum's had an op and can't lift my little one. my sister would help but I don't like putting on others so I'd always try and take a holiday/parental day if possible.

I do have understanding employers though