Families where all parents work, how do you cope?

Kaz2904 · 21 June 2014 at 3:13AM

The fear of illness has kept me on nights for year. I have been on nights for 10 years and DH works 9-5 Mon- Fri. I am now a cub helper and one of the scouts who we sent home poorly from our half term camp was in hospital for the whole of the half term. He then was home (but not back at school) for a while (1-2 weeks?) but then was rushed back to hospital on Sunday and has been in ever since. I overheard his little brother's Aunty telling him that his Mum had a month off work coming up when the oldest was out and it sounded as though the parents had shared the days and nights at home between them. One parent was there all day and the other was there all night. Grandparents and Aunty helped with the 2 younger boys. Mum seems to have been very lucky to get a month off to look after eldest but it is most definitely going to be needed.
Personally, the only time I needed it, I finished my night shifts for holiday on the Thursday morning, slept all day Thursday and had the call from the school Friday. DD was discharged from hospital on the Sunday. I had a training course booked in for the Monday and rang work on Sunday and asked them to email my apolgies. I then had a week off which meant I was able to be with DD while she was off school. Had I been at work, I would have just been dozing on the sofa for a week :eek:. I only booked the week off as it was my birthday on the Sunday- I ended up sending a really short text to all of our friends from the ambulance "BBQ cancelled- call (DH) for details". Chuffing nightmare though, hence me being on night shifts for so many years.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo · 21 June 2014 at 6:37AM

My wife's a teacher, she works 4 days a week but gets loads of holidays. It's ideal for us. The money is good too.

GwylimT · 21 June 2014 at 7:13AM

If one are ill wee just take turns in having a few days off, they only need to be off school/nursery for five days with chickenpox so it isn't exactly a huge inconvenience.

slightlyconfused1 · 21 June 2014 at 7:32AM

It is policy in our Council (Highland) that if a child has a sickness bug they must stay off for two days after the vomiting has stopped. I have heard of parents (from another school) being called to take perfectly fine children home as they had not been clear for two days. To be fair it has seemed to cut down on these bugs being spread.

I am also confused about some of you saying chickenpox is only infectious for 5 days. Nhs website says infectious until all the spots are crusted over. Also took ds to the doctors the day the spots came out (they actually started to appear on the way to the surgery) and she said he couldn't go back until they had all dried up too.

FBaby · 21 June 2014 at 8:03AM

I just wondered how others coped when things happened. I suppose it's like everything else, you just get on with it. It's amazing what you cope with when you have to.

You summed it up yourself. That's exactly how it goes. It means that yes, in the end, you always manage to sort things out but it means that you grow tired from the constant stress of doing so quicker! On the positive, you gain incredible organising skills that you apply to every aspect of your life and even better, your kids do to.

Adjusting to secondary school was a piece of cake for my DD, she had long learn to get ready on her own, and organise her work.

Spendless · 21 June 2014 at 9:22AM

I returned to work during the day initially on an on-going contract via an agency. The hours crept up over a year, but I was still able to juggle them to swapping a day or working longer hours. I'd just got them perfect and been taken on by the employer when they lost their contract and closed down!

I then went providing holiday and absence cover for another firm again via an agency and then was taken on again by them at my request to go on the much hated by the media zero hour contract. This suits my family circs perfectly, I have a husband who is away 40% of the working week and elderly relatives with health problems I help out with. I can give no availability dates. This is working well for us, but I'd built up a relationship with my employer for 18 months of working for them via an agency. We are fortunate that we don't need my income to pay bills and because we don't receive any top up benefits (eg working tax credit, housing benefit) there is no issue with having to re-submit income details due to earning more. To give an example of my work pattern the most recent 4 weeks have been 1 day work, 5 days work, 3 days work, 5 days work.

My kids had chicken pox when they were young, daughter was 1 and son got it 3 weeks later aged 4 a few days after he'd started in Reception! I wasn't working at this time. He used to get septic throats and tonsillitis quite frequently when younger. I was at college then with flexible times to go in but he once came down with it when I was in the middle of a course elsewhere and my husband worked from home whilst my Nan sat with him.

Depending on what your qualifications are in and what type of work you are looking for, what about going to college and/or doing voluntary work first, that would be easier to be flexible around until your children are older. Or look for a job at times when your partner is home and can be around. I used to have a job that was 2 evenings per week and 1 Sunday morning and later changed it to another which was Mon-Fri 5-8 pm

Bublin1 · 21 June 2014 at 10:03AM

Count yourself as fortunate that you have a husband and yes, just get on with it.

I'm a single mum to 2 kids, demanding career and homeowner. No grandparents. No close family. I rely on noone except my understanding employer.

When things get overwhelming I go into 'robot' mode. I switch off the emotions because if I didn't I would be deeply depressed and feel very very sorry for myself.

onlyroz · 21 June 2014 at 11:10AM

When my kids had chicken pox I was allowed to work from home. If they're free the grandparents are willing to help with things like this. Otherwise I have the option of taking unpaid leave. I think this is one of those parental rights (ie your employer has to have a good business reason to turn down a request for unpaid leave if you have caring responsibilities).

But in general we get by pretty well by making use of our right for flexible working (ie we have shifted our hours outside of the standard 9-5 arrangement) and through the use of after school and holiday clubs.

The thing that's worrying me at the moment is what I'm going to do when my son reaches secondary age in two years. The school I'd like to get him into involves a 1.5 mile walk or cycle, and as far as I can tell there is no form of after school provision - and I'm unsure whether it's ok to leave him to his own devices until 6pm.