Am I overreacting?

d0nkeyk0ng

So last night, took fiancee out for a special meal. Whilst chatting about the future, looking at buying a house and living together etc. Currently, I live with my parents, and she with her parent and siblings. In the past, we talked about whether we would buy a house together, or whether I buy now (I need to move anyway because of work) and then maybe after a few years we buy together into a larger house. I know her family want to move into a larger house and they've put in an offer on a house and it's going through.

What I didn't know is that her and her brother will be the applicants for the mortgage for her family's house. It's in name only, and her brother will be able to pay it off. They also have income from business and other property.

So I try to pass the evening pleasantly but am fuming that she's gone and:
1. done something which will affect our future
2. done it without at least discussing it with me beforehand

The way I see it, she's shortchanged our future for the benefit of her family. I'm still peeved off to the point where I can't really see if I'm being an idiot. Advice is welcome.

Kayalana99

I assume this is because with her name being on a mortgage their is less likely a chance that you both would get one? Otherwise please tell us why.

It depends, does she actually realise that by putting her name on a piece of paper that it will affect her mortgage prospects for the future?

Why couldn't you of mentioned it if so? I wouldn't be mad if she just hadn't realised as some people just aren't financially minded to even know that it would affect the future.

tea_lover

I would be absoluting fuming too. Does she even realise this will have a major impact on your (as in the two of you) ability to buy a house together?

duchy

Yes I'd be peeved and I'd be questioning if she believed you had a future together.

Alternatively she may not realize the implications of what she is planning to do and thinks as her brother is paying the mortgage it''s just red tape that her name is on the application....in which case she may not also realize that if her brother loses his job SHE would be liable to pay it in full each month.

Before jumping to any conclusions I'd have a chat about what the implications for her are........and then tag onto the end - the impact it would have on you two buying a home together now or in the future as she'll be encumbered with a 25 year mortgage so couldn't buy with you until it is paid off.

whodathunkit

d0nkeyk0ng wrote: »

So last night, took fiancee out for a special meal. Whilst chatting about the future, looking at buying a house and living together etc. Currently, I live with my parents, and she with her parent and siblings. In the past, we talked about whether we would buy a house together, or whether I buy now (I need to move anyway because of work) and then maybe after a few years we buy together into a larger house. I know her family want to move into a larger house and they've put in an offer on a house and it's going through.

What I didn't know is that her and her brother will be the applicants for the mortgage for her family's house. It's in name only, and her brother will be able to pay it off. They also have income from business and other property.

So I try to pass the evening pleasantly but am fuming that she's gone and:
1. done something which will affect our future
2. done it without at least discussing it with me beforehand

The way I see it, she's shortchanged our future for the benefit of her family. I'm still peeved off to the point where I can't really see if I'm being an idiot. Advice is welcome.

I can hear the alarm bells ringing from over here!

Amanda65

Could it be that she had somehow assumed that you were going to go ahead and buy and that rather than have an adverse effect on the future, as long as the mortgage were regularly paid and her name could come off of it in a few years time when you want to buy together it would be a good thing as she would have good credit references for the mortgage application?

Did you ask her last night? If not, why not?

tea_lover

It's the not mentioning it before this point that I'd be so upset (and angry) about. It could well be that she hasn't really understood the implication of this for her longterm financial future - but surely by the time you're engaged to someone you discuss things like this before making decisions?

AnnieO1234

Rory for asking but how long have you really been together? You call her a girlfriend, you don't live together, and you were on a "date"; it just seems to me that perhaps she's less serious about your relationship for the moment be that because of your situation or length of time together or whatever. I can understand if she still feels there's relatively no commitment why she wouldn't be interested in buying a home with you.

Xx

d0nkeyk0ng

Yup I was fuming but I didn't want to ruin the evening and it's something that's been playing on my mind since last night.

Her brother's an accountant so I presume he's doing this to get the mortgage. I don't think she's deliberately done this to screw up our future - I just think she's trusting her brother. I know they were planning to sell off some property so it may be just a temporary measure.

I will have a proper chat with her tonight but I wanted to make sure I was thinking clearly. I was more upset at the idea that this has happened without discussing it. It'd be like me taking a job in Canada and telling her we're emigrating the day after we're married.

d0nkeyk0ng

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

... how long have you really been together...You call her a girlfriend...you were on a "date"

About 18 months.
I called her my fiancee, not my girlfriend. We're planning to get married next year (venues booked etc).
It was just a nice night out - we haven't had one for a while because of our jobs

19lottie82

d0nkeyk0ng wrote: »

We're planning to get married next year (venues booked etc).

Surely, it's wise to live with someone for a while, before getting married to them? What happens if you drive each other potty?