Am I overreacting?

d0nkeyk0ng

What would you all do in this situation?
How many of you would still stick with your partner over something like this?
And how many of you would leave because of this?

Buzzybee90

Completely out of order.

FBaby

d0nkeyk0ng wrote: »

What would you all do in this situation?
How many of you would still stick with your partner over something like this?
And how many of you would leave because of this?

How did the conversation came about? How long ago has all this been happening and at which stage is it? There is a difference between some plans being formalised months ago and she only told you under pressure, to some brief discussion taking place last week, where those are only potential plans and she is discussing it with you now.

It's not just about what has taken place that is key to how you take things forward but also how she sees the whole situation. Will she listen and realise that she has done wrong by you, and back down, or does she deals with it saying that you're the one who is unreasonable and you should appreciate her wanting to prioritise her family.

Mrs_Soup

Surely its entirely possible that she doesn't realise that this will affect you and she being able to get a morgage on your own home. There are loads of people of these boards who don't realise this so it may be ignornace rather than her commitment lies elsewhere.

d0nkeyk0ng

They were talking about buying a house for a while. I didn't know about her name on the mortgage application until last night. The offer was put in on Monday.

BigAunty

d0nkeyk0ng wrote: »

What would you all do in this situation?
How many of you would still stick with your partner over something like this?
And how many of you would leave because of this?

You say you were aware that they were talking of buying together for some time so were you or were you not in the loop about this proposal? Perhaps she thought you were already briefed on the prospect. Did you flag up any issues with her then about their proposal to jointly buy a place?

You really need to hear her side of the story.

For example, if she was completely naive about the impact of her financial decision on your future plans, if she was put under pressure, if she can see your point of view about how seriously hurt you are by the decision she made without consulting you, if there is any contrition, if her financial commitment was supposed to be temporary and if so, when she is expected to cease.

She may need to be made aware that she cannot simply take her name off the mortgage - the lender needs to be sure the person who is buying her out has the usual finances required and meet their lending criteria (income to loan ratio).

I see many posters on the housing and relationship forum who have absolutely no idea that they can't simply take their name off a mortgage like they can a joint bill like utilities or council tax. She may then feel as if she's been exploited by her brother if she believes that she has been used to bolster his mortgage application and he has absolutely no means to take over the ownership as a sole owner or with another sibling. Perhaps she wasn't aware of the risks?

pinkshoes

d0nkeyk0ng wrote: »

What would you all do in this situation?
How many of you would still stick with your partner over something like this?
And how many of you would leave because of this?

I'd want to find out if she is fully understanding what she's doing.

Does she lack common sense? Is it possible her brother has talked her into it knowing that she won't understand the implications?

I think I would postpone the wedding, as she shouldn't be making major financial decisions like this without consulting you.

Seanymph

nmm, what would I do?

Well, I'd have a conversation with her before I left her - but it would be a deal breaker for me I'm afraid IF she a) understood the impact on us as a couple and b) went ahead anyway.

The fact that she hasn't consulted you is a real red flag I'm afraid.

d0nkeyk0ng

So I asked a lot of questions. The aim is to pay the mortgage off within six months. It would have been done and dusted by the time we were married. Hence it shouldn't affect our financial future. But it's still dodgy IMO partly because it's based on the brother getting things done.

Seanymph

For me it's rather more the face that she didn't ask your opinion, just blindly did what the brother suggested.