Am I overreacting?

d0nkeyk0ng

It's just the way indian families do it.

BigAunty

With your Fiancee, go to a mortgage advisor (or find a mortgage affordability calculator if there's one that can cope with a joint buyer that's already got a mortgage). This will show her of the huge impact that her investment with her brother has caused to your future and that you may need to scale down drastically the type of property you buy together. You may need to do a 'before' and 'after' calculation to show how her joint purchase has now affected you.

Her brother, as an accountant, should have a better grasp of general personal finance, too. It may be a short-term thing but he holds all the cards - that property can't be sold without his consent.

Does he plan to live in that property - as he would have no incentive to change the arrangements as ownership issues don't affect his right to occupation so he has less incentive to get it into other people's names or buy out her share? Do you plan to speak to him to ask why he has entered into a financial relationship with his sister that impacts your housing plans or is this not the way an in-law would take in the circumstances?

Is it possible that the family put pressure on her, or she felt obliged to do this for the family's sake? Why aren't the parents on the paperwork? Is this an attempt to prevent it being sold in the future to pay for care (residential care for elders is less likely in a multi generational household anyway).

Don't accept any nonsense about it being 'on paper only'. She is the legal owner and this status directly impacts her ability to get a second mortgage with you so it is not remotely a 'theoretical concept'. It has rights and obligations and it's negatively impacting your future plans.

barbiedoll

If her brother is an accountant, this is probably a [STRIKE]tax dodge[/STRIKE] way of maximising their assets, the mortgage may only be a short-term solution if her family have property to sell.

However......is your fiance financially astute? Does she realise the implications of having a mortgage in her name, which someone else is paying and for a property in which someone else is living? If she moves in with you, and leaves the family home (i.e. her house) she will effectively become a landlord. And if her brother is "paying the mortgage", why isn't his name on it? As another poster said, if he loses his job, or gets married and wants to buy his own place, he can suddenly decide not to pay any longer and your fiance will be liable for the repayments.

If you two are planning to get married, you need to have a full discussion about what this means for you both. Maybe you should think about buying your own place anyway. And make sure that for the time being at least, you keep your finances totally separate. No joint accounts, credit cards or finance agreements. Just in case!

FBaby

This is out of line. She is planning on being married to you next year, but thought nothing of discussing something like this with you? It sounds fishy to me, like they are doing this to avoid future inheritance tax or something.

If I were you, not only I'd be angry but I'd be worried about the fact she doesn't consider you herself enough committed to you to share something like this with you beyond a 'oh and by the way, guess what I've done with my brother'. You certainly need to take a big breath before you discuss it with her again, but I would certainly expect some serious explaning to feel reassured.

peachyprice

d0nkeyk0ng wrote: »

It's just the way indian families do it.

Ah, I was fuming with you too, until you mentioned this.

As you say, it's the way Indian families do things, buying houses as families is nothing unusual, it's pretty much expected.

Are you Indian too?

aileth

She might not fully understand the implications.

Plus if her family are like the Indian families I know, she might've been pressured a lot to 'help the family' as family is number one.

Noctu

I'd be furious.

Before she dropped that bombshell, what was she saying about the future, living together etc last night? Did she directly say she wanted to buy a house together with you? Or was she cagey?

Maybe she thinks one of her family members will go on the mortgage on your future marital home...!!

d0nkeyk0ng

peachyprice wrote: »

Are you Indian too?

Yes but even if I were in her shoes, I'd discuss it with her first because it would affect our financial future.

barbiedoll wrote: »

If her brother is an accountant, this is probably a [STRIKE]tax dodge[/STRIKE] way of maximising their assets, the mortgage may only be a short-term solution if her family have property to sell.

Yup I can see it as his way of dealing with things. Probably dodgy but that would be his concern. He's brought my fiancee into it which now makes it my concern too.

barbiedoll wrote: »

If you two are planning to get married, you need to have a full discussion about what this means for you both. Maybe you should think about buying your own place anyway. And make sure that for the time being at least, you keep your finances totally separate.

These were the thoughts going through my head. She's normally switched on and asks questions but I suspect in this situation she hasn't fully thought it through.

FBaby wrote: »

This is out of line.

I feel the same. I've always done my best to tell her my thoughts and feelings. Even when I thought about quitting my job or moving somewhere else.

Will update tomorrow after I've had a chat with her tonight.

pinkshoes

d0nkeyk0ng wrote: »

About 18 months.
I called her my fiancee, not my girlfriend. We're planning to get married next year (venues booked etc).
It was just a nice night out - we haven't had one for a while because of our jobs

You need to ask her ASAP how long she is going to be on the mortgage for, and point out that if she's tied to this mortgage, that means you and her can't buy a property together?

If she's not sure and can't answer your questions, then you should advise her not to go ahead until she is fully aware of what she is signing up to!

I'd be furious. Not something someone does when they are about to get married!

ska_lover

wow, serious communication issues going on in your relationship

Yes I would be furious, as yes it will affect your relationship in terms or getting your own place.

Actions speak louder than words and her priorities lie with her family, not with you.