Am I overreacting?

aileth

Mrs_Soup wrote: »

Surely its entirely possible that she doesn't realise that this will affect you and she being able to get a morgage on your own home. There are loads of people of these boards who don't realise this so it may be ignornace rather than her commitment lies elsewhere.

My husband for one. I had to buy the house in my sole name only with extra deposit as when we went to see the mortgage advisor and he was asked whether he was on any other mortgages, he said he was still on his ex-wife's as she hadn't taken him off yet.

Needless to say, I was not a happy bunny.

seashore22

19lottie82 wrote: »

Surely, it's wise to live with someone for a while, before getting married to them? What happens if you drive each other potty?

We didn't live together before marriage and we've been married for 30 years. In previous generations most didn't live together and it didn't lead to disaster (not all of the time anyway). Both of my siblings lived with their partners and were divorced within a year of marriage.

Just saying.

74jax

19lottie82 wrote: »

Surely, it's wise to live with someone for a while, before getting married to them? What happens if you drive each other potty?

I'd been with oh for eight years and didn't live together, not every one wants to.

Mojisola

Is she as financially naive as she sounds?

If her name is on the mortgage, she is responsible for the whole debt - if her brother's plans went south, the mortgage company would asking her to repay the debt.

SuzieSue

d0nkeyk0ng wrote: »

It's just the way indian families do it.

One of my close friends at university was Asian and her mother did not particulary want her marrying an Asian person becuase her mother felt that you often feel that you are marrying the whole family and that your life wasn't your own. I assume her mother didn't get on with her in-laws.

SuzieSue

Mojisola wrote: »

Is she as financially naive as she sounds?

If her name is on the mortgage, she is responsible for the whole debt - if her brother's plans went south, the mortgage company would asking her to repay the debt.

Even if she knew, I think that she was probably under pressure from her family to agree to it and probably felt she had no choice.

Mojisola

SuzieSue wrote: »

Even if she knew, I think that she was probably under pressure from her family to agree to it and probably felt she had no choice.

That's a good reason to have discussed it with her fiance - they are going to be married and their individual actions will have an impact on their joint lives.

It's easier to stand up to family pressure if you are not doing it alone.

SuzieSue

Mojisola wrote: »

That's a good reason to have discussed it with her fiance - they are going to be married and their individual actions will have an impact on their joint lives.

It's easier to stand up to family pressure if you are not doing it alone.

Yes, agreed. I think that is exactly why the OP is so concerned about their future together. Unless, of course, his finance didn't realise that it would impact their joint lives which is quite possible.

themull1

I wonder if the op has had a chat yet?