Experience of Generalised Anxiety Disorder?

unicorn1984

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Thats what they all say. Everyone likes to think that their boyfriend or partner/husband isnt the type.
Thats why he is so anxious because hes feeling guilty about it. Its obvious. All his work colleagues will know as well. Sorry but I'd be finding out properly.

How would you suggest I find that out? If I believe him, why would I feel the need to go snooping behind his back?

He has always been like this, as stated, he does worry about things alot of the time, its not like he has suddenly gone from being relaxed and carefree to being like this. I see where you are coming from, of course, but I know him. He doesn't agree with people who jump in and out of relationships, hurting people and never being committed to it fully and above all that he has always been dead against cheats.

Of course, there is ALWAYS a chance that someone would cheat, and I am fully aware of that. I used to be in a relationship when I was much younger and myself and my BF were horrendous at checking up on the other, looking at texts, emails, querying every move and it was awful. Since then I have always been in the mindset that if someone is going to cheat, they will. Nothing I can do will stop that, but in this case I genuinely know he hasn't.

You may think that is naive, but I know him and he wouldn't do that.

ManofLeisure_2

My opinion (for what it's worth ), is that it's impossible to say whether the chap has GAD or not. There are a number of conditions which present with similar characteristics and so a chat with his GP would be beneficial.
Having said that, I think we are all aware of the fact that some men (for whatever reason), are unwilling to commit to a relationship. Maybe your OH had a taste of freedom during his weekend away, and rather enjoyed it. Hope that is not the case and you are able to resolve your problems soon .

Shelldean

Am currently under IAPT (improving access to psychological therapies) for GAD.

Have had classes of CBT ( cognitive behaviour therapy) which didn't seem to help. Am now having one to one for thirteen weeks.

CBT basically helps you train your brain to think in a different manner from the way you currently do, as that way is causing problems.

You can self refer to IAPT round here presume that you can elsewhere too?

I had initial consultation over the phone, and using my answers along with answers from a questionnaire (which I filled out prior to the call and read answers to the person) they decided which course of therapy was most suitable.

If you need anything further just ask.

Marshmallow82

He may not have actually cheated, but that doesn't mean he didn't get close to someone/develop feelings for them.

purpleshoes_2

GAD seems like an excuse for what has been pretty poor behaviour on his part.

Jellybro

He sounds like he has Quite a few ASD traits to me. Perfectionist, afraid of failure, anxiety, overly critical of himself?
Just a thought?

DaveTheMus

unicorn1984 wrote: »

Myself and my partner have been going through a really tough time lately. It all stemmed from a weekend away with work "teambuilding". Now he is generally known as being a "worrier", he is very methodical, intelligent and particular. He hates to be late, untidy, always needs to be doing or planning something to do etc.

I have always said he needs to try and relax more, switch off, but he finds it very difficult. He overthinks most things, looking at something from every angle, looking at ways in which it may fail. He has to be 100% (or as close to 100%!) about a decision before he will commit to it, even about small thing. But he can also be very indecisive too (preferring others to make a choice, incase it is the wrong one!)

Back to the problems. He went away on this weekend perfectly happy and came back and suddenly wasn't sure what he wanted. I am still married (starting divorce proceedings in the next couple of months, but this has never bothered him that I am married) and I have a 2 1/2 year old from my marriage, whom my partner adores.
We have known each other for about 5 years (through work) and been in a relationship for almost 2 years.

After 9 months he suggested we move in together, so he moved in with me, and then 8 months later he bought a house for us all. We moved in January. In April he goes on this weekend away and comes back different.

At first he said he wasn't sure he was ready for the whole responsibility of helping me to raise my child, and this is his only proper relationship (he has never seen the point in getting into relationships unless there was a future... again probably due to his fear of it failing) and he wasn't sure if he was ready for this to be the next 40-50 years of his life. He moved out of the house for 5 weeks to get some space to think, he admitted that he didn't actually spend any time thinking, mainly burying his head in the sand. I asked him to come home so we could try and work through things, and he did.

We agreed to see a couples councillor and had 3 sessions, then after the 3rd we had a row and split up (mainly due to the atmosphere in the house not being healthy for anyone). Things seemed to relax then, we both stayed in the house for about 5 days and got on fine, but went out socially with friends at the weekend and he had a few drinks then started getting very touchy feely, asking for kisses, getting into bed with me (we have been in separate rooms since all this) I told him he couldn't end it with me then act like this, so I said I should move out. I viewed a house and he got very scared of me going. We spoke and agreed to keep our last appointment with the councillor, which was last night, and got to talking and agreed that neither of us wanted me to move out, if I left I would struggle money-wise, and he would have to get a lodger in the house which he would hate, so he saw the only solution would be to sell the house.... so we agreed that we both wanted to try and make it work.

We went to the councillors and told him all that had happened, splitting up etc and the councillor thinks he may have GAD (general anxiety disorder). He says basically that he voices concerns when he hasn't thought them through, whether they are "legitimate concerns", and he almost looks for doubts, plucking them out of the air.

Has anyone ever suffered, or known anyone to suffer from this? I have read about it and it sounds just like him. The councillor said he wants to now work with my partner 1 on 1 to try and help with this anxiety.

I really hope that this helps, the thought that the man I love spends so much time going through this torture is unbearable! For 2 months I have been very tense, uncertain, on edge, uncertain about the future and it has drained me. I have lost 2 stone from worry and had panic attacks. Now I think this must be what he feels like most of the time, its horrendous! I wonder how he manages to relax, if ever!

Sorry for the essay! xx

His workmates think that you're playing him for a fool......and they've told him so at the weekend, he believes them....

Here you have a guy, in his first relationship and a woman who gets with this guy while she is still married and has a 6 month old in toe, and they all move into the house he has just bought.... I'm not judging, it's up to you what you do, but that's what it is.


If, for example, it was my brother, and he was as indecisive as you describe your partner being.

So indecisive that he has trouble deciding on the smallest things in life. I'd be a bit surprised and quite worried that he managed to be so swift and decisive when it has come to the massive life altering decisions of buying a house, and, on top of that moving a married woman and her very young child in...... I would worry that he had been coerced.

From the way you describe him above he sounds as though he only deals in certainty, yet he has been happy to quickly dive into a world on uncertainty and unknowns.

Seems very out of character from the way you describe him and his work mates will think this as well. They probably think you see him as a meal ticket and they might have spent the weekend telling him so.

livingit

Well there are some real keyboard warriors on here, who can answer your problem in a post, never mind that a trained counseller who has talked to you both at length thinks differently.

Mental health services vary across the country so your partner should refer as soon as he can. The only advice, from experience, I can give you is that whatever his condition be it GAD, ASD or something else, living with long term mental health is very difficult. So think carefully.

You say he has always been like this so probably no amount of counselling or CBT is going to take away the illness, only try to teach coping mechanisms and thinking strategies. You may well need counselling yourself to cope.

PeacefulWaters

He may well be anxious.

Anxious about commitment perhaps.

More likely he's had a fling and he's anxious that you'll find out and the whole thing is (rightly) making him reassess his life. They tend not to bare their soul to you when they've played away.

Do you still want to be with him?

Do you still want to be with him if you find out for sure he's played away?

If the answer to both is "yes" then you need to tell him and convince him he wants to be with you.

If an illicit fling has taken place I think you need to know to understand where you are in both your head and his head. Narrow down who was on the course and is female (could be a bloke I suppose but probability says not).

Then assess his social media, text and call habits. Listen to who he talks about. Almost certainly there will be one name that stands out a little more than it should. Bingo. Does that name tie in with somebody new is his work circle?

And if the phone/tablet is locked when it never used to be ....

Emkayoli

It's a bit harsh to automatically assume he has/is/wants to cheat on the OP. GAD is a very real mental illness and does present these kinds of behaviours. Whether or not people think he is the OP has said that they believe he isn't so why try and make them feel silly for trusting and wanting make their relationship work?

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a wonderful tool Unicorn and I hope he will go and give it a try with an open mind. I know some men i have met especially find it difficult to talk about their feeling and feel it is all hokum.

I have a huge amount of anxiety and intrusive thoughts and even after one session of CBT I feel lighter and more collected.

I don't have GAD.