We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
The Forum now has a brand new text editor, adding a bunch of handy features to use when creating posts. Read more in our how-to guide
Experience of Generalised Anxiety Disorder?
unicorn1984
Posts: 113 Forumite
Myself and my partner have been going through a really tough time lately. It all stemmed from a weekend away with work "teambuilding". Now he is generally known as being a "worrier", he is very methodical, intelligent and particular. He hates to be late, untidy, always needs to be doing or planning something to do etc.
I have always said he needs to try and relax more, switch off, but he finds it very difficult. He overthinks most things, looking at something from every angle, looking at ways in which it may fail. He has to be 100% (or as close to 100%!) about a decision before he will commit to it, even about small thing. But he can also be very indecisive too (preferring others to make a choice, incase it is the wrong one!)
Back to the problems. He went away on this weekend perfectly happy and came back and suddenly wasn't sure what he wanted. I am still married (starting divorce proceedings in the next couple of months, but this has never bothered him that I am married) and I have a 2 1/2 year old from my marriage, whom my partner adores.
We have known each other for about 5 years (through work) and been in a relationship for almost 2 years.
After 9 months he suggested we move in together, so he moved in with me, and then 8 months later he bought a house for us all. We moved in January. In April he goes on this weekend away and comes back different.
At first he said he wasn't sure he was ready for the whole responsibility of helping me to raise my child, and this is his only proper relationship (he has never seen the point in getting into relationships unless there was a future... again probably due to his fear of it failing) and he wasn't sure if he was ready for this to be the next 40-50 years of his life. He moved out of the house for 5 weeks to get some space to think, he admitted that he didn't actually spend any time thinking, mainly burying his head in the sand. I asked him to come home so we could try and work through things, and he did.
We agreed to see a couples councillor and had 3 sessions, then after the 3rd we had a row and split up (mainly due to the atmosphere in the house not being healthy for anyone). Things seemed to relax then, we both stayed in the house for about 5 days and got on fine, but went out socially with friends at the weekend and he had a few drinks then started getting very touchy feely, asking for kisses, getting into bed with me (we have been in separate rooms since all this) I told him he couldn't end it with me then act like this, so I said I should move out. I viewed a house and he got very scared of me going. We spoke and agreed to keep our last appointment with the councillor, which was last night, and got to talking and agreed that neither of us wanted me to move out, if I left I would struggle money-wise, and he would have to get a lodger in the house which he would hate, so he saw the only solution would be to sell the house.... so we agreed that we both wanted to try and make it work.
We went to the councillors and told him all that had happened, splitting up etc and the councillor thinks he may have GAD (general anxiety disorder). He says basically that he voices concerns when he hasn't thought them through, whether they are "legitimate concerns", and he almost looks for doubts, plucking them out of the air.
Has anyone ever suffered, or known anyone to suffer from this? I have read about it and it sounds just like him. The councillor said he wants to now work with my partner 1 on 1 to try and help with this anxiety.
I really hope that this helps, the thought that the man I love spends so much time going through this torture is unbearable! For 2 months I have been very tense, uncertain, on edge, uncertain about the future and it has drained me. I have lost 2 stone from worry and had panic attacks. Now I think this must be what he feels like most of the time, its horrendous! I wonder how he manages to relax, if ever!
Sorry for the essay! xx
I have always said he needs to try and relax more, switch off, but he finds it very difficult. He overthinks most things, looking at something from every angle, looking at ways in which it may fail. He has to be 100% (or as close to 100%!) about a decision before he will commit to it, even about small thing. But he can also be very indecisive too (preferring others to make a choice, incase it is the wrong one!)
Back to the problems. He went away on this weekend perfectly happy and came back and suddenly wasn't sure what he wanted. I am still married (starting divorce proceedings in the next couple of months, but this has never bothered him that I am married) and I have a 2 1/2 year old from my marriage, whom my partner adores.
We have known each other for about 5 years (through work) and been in a relationship for almost 2 years.
After 9 months he suggested we move in together, so he moved in with me, and then 8 months later he bought a house for us all. We moved in January. In April he goes on this weekend away and comes back different.
At first he said he wasn't sure he was ready for the whole responsibility of helping me to raise my child, and this is his only proper relationship (he has never seen the point in getting into relationships unless there was a future... again probably due to his fear of it failing) and he wasn't sure if he was ready for this to be the next 40-50 years of his life. He moved out of the house for 5 weeks to get some space to think, he admitted that he didn't actually spend any time thinking, mainly burying his head in the sand. I asked him to come home so we could try and work through things, and he did.
We agreed to see a couples councillor and had 3 sessions, then after the 3rd we had a row and split up (mainly due to the atmosphere in the house not being healthy for anyone). Things seemed to relax then, we both stayed in the house for about 5 days and got on fine, but went out socially with friends at the weekend and he had a few drinks then started getting very touchy feely, asking for kisses, getting into bed with me (we have been in separate rooms since all this) I told him he couldn't end it with me then act like this, so I said I should move out. I viewed a house and he got very scared of me going. We spoke and agreed to keep our last appointment with the councillor, which was last night, and got to talking and agreed that neither of us wanted me to move out, if I left I would struggle money-wise, and he would have to get a lodger in the house which he would hate, so he saw the only solution would be to sell the house.... so we agreed that we both wanted to try and make it work.
We went to the councillors and told him all that had happened, splitting up etc and the councillor thinks he may have GAD (general anxiety disorder). He says basically that he voices concerns when he hasn't thought them through, whether they are "legitimate concerns", and he almost looks for doubts, plucking them out of the air.
Has anyone ever suffered, or known anyone to suffer from this? I have read about it and it sounds just like him. The councillor said he wants to now work with my partner 1 on 1 to try and help with this anxiety.
I really hope that this helps, the thought that the man I love spends so much time going through this torture is unbearable! For 2 months I have been very tense, uncertain, on edge, uncertain about the future and it has drained me. I have lost 2 stone from worry and had panic attacks. Now I think this must be what he feels like most of the time, its horrendous! I wonder how he manages to relax, if ever!
Sorry for the essay! xx
0
Comments
-
It sounds like theres someone elce around who he is interested in to me, never mind GAD.
Have you asked him if hes seeing someone elce or fancies his chances with another?. Sounds like hes playing you. Sorry to say.0 -
That was one of the first things I asked him and he swore to me that there is noone else, and I believe him.0
-
dandelionclock30 wrote: »It sounds like theres someone elce around who he is interested in to me, never mind GAD.
Have you asked him if hes seeing someone elce or fancies his chances with another?. Sounds like hes playing you. Sorry to say.
Exactly my thoughts. Who else was on this weekend away - that would be my starting point to work out what changed so suddenly.0 -
There were 12 of them in total, all from his work, males and females.
I have gone through this scenario in my head, and spoken to him about my fears. He assures me that there is noone else.
The councillor says his constant worrying about everything is damaging, he is having doubts but nothing to really back them up.... but he can't just go with the flow, he is always looking at situations and thinking "what could happen in 5...10 years" and nearly all of it is totally unfounded, which is why he thinks its an anxiety issue.0 -
He also said that these doubts were there before the weekend away, albeit small ones that he brushed aside, but the weekend made them more prominent.
I have never experienced these type of weekends, but they are apparently very powerful and can make people look at their lives and feel like they needs to make huge changes0 -
Hes had some type of fling or made a pass on this teambuilding weekend. Honestly thats whats happened. I'd put money on it. I think hes not telling you the truth.0
-
I have said he swore to me that nothing like that has happened. I believe him, he isn't that kind of person.0
-
OK, well let's assume it is GAD. I must say, reading it as a MH professional, that it sounds like GAD to me, and that none of the other ideas of him having been unfaithful even occurred to me!
Go to the doctor and demand an appointment with IAPT! It may well be that CBT will be just what he needs, and I believe waiting times are reasonable in most parts of the country. (And you won't often hear me say this - I'm far from being the sort of person who recommends IAPT for everything!!!)
(Acronyms will be easy to look up on Google
) Ex board guide. Signature now changed (if you know, you know).0 -
Thats what they all say. Everyone likes to think that their boyfriend or partner/husband isnt the type.
Thats why he is so anxious because hes feeling guilty about it. Its obvious. All his work colleagues will know as well. Sorry but I'd be finding out properly.0 -
jobbingmusician wrote: »OK, well let's assume it is GAD. I must say, reading it as a MH professional, that it sounds like GAD to me, and that none of the other ideas of him having been unfaithful even occurred to me!
Go to the doctor and demand an appointment with IAPT! It may well be that CBT will be just what he needs, and I believe waiting times are reasonable in most parts of the country. (And you won't often hear me say this - I'm far from being the sort of person who recommends IAPT for everything!!!)
(Acronyms will be easy to look up on Google )
Thanks, I am not saying that the idea of him being unfaithful is unreasonable because obviously I have questioned it myself, but when he has sworn not then I believe him so I don't see the point in going round in circles on that topic...
Sorry, what is IAPT and CBT?! LOL0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 354.4K Banking & Borrowing
- 254.4K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 455.4K Spending & Discounts
- 247.3K Work, Benefits & Business
- 604K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 178.4K Life & Family
- 261.5K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.7K Read-Only Boards