Selfish or not?

headachesrus

Then I would be telling him that the arrangement is making you feel very uncomfortable.




Wasn't his not washing etc worrying you before the child came back into the frame?

ska_lover

nikkit72 wrote: »

Mckneff the ex hates me, she would slam door into face,
Child is 12, we had contact upto when we got married, the ex then turned the child against us we had nasty emails from the ex, no we did not go to court for access as we are on a budget. But he did go round the house any a times but no one would answer door.
He decided to stop the upset for him and **** he would send letters birthday cards Christmas cards, we even opened a bank account and have been putting in money for ****
Yes *** knows about our son, *** came round until he was 18 months, so he would not rememeber her now.

Sounds like his EX could be the one with the issue, manipulating your husband into things being on her terms, (her house) only.

Her problem, is just that - hers - but she does need to get a grip on how things are, rather than how she wishes they were - and for the kid (as I will call her lol) it is best that the families integrate. Dont forget what they say about keep your friends close, but enemies closer

I know this is not always easy - but harbouring old resentments will not do her any good. I would try and speak directly to her in your situation - partly to try and instill what I have just said and try to get things on an even keel, and yes partly to see if she was any threat to my marriage. The kid is going to be part of your life, whether she likes it or not - so it would be beneficial to all, if you two could be civil at the very least.

You could start off a conversation with a guilt trip such as ''I am sure you want what is best for your child, and I thought it best if we met up and discussed how we can move forward..'' Put like that, it would be hard to refuse and may make her twig how silly she is being

Seanymph

I guess this is very hard for your husband - he must have missed his daughter terribly, and is obviously very keen to re-establish contact at any cost.

I think two months isn't long, but I have to say I'd want him smelling pleasantly for me too!

Tiglath

What's your real fear here - that he will have an affair with his ex?

System

Tiglath wrote: »

What's your real fear here - that he will have an affair with his ex?

If he is sprucing himself up to go round there, and won't even consider taking the child out somewhere, I suppose OP might be wondering if it's the child he is visiting, or the ex.

Seanymph

But if the ex is saying jump, and he's saying 'how high' it isn't necessarily about the ex is it - it's his desperation to see his daughter that means he is placating the ex.

FBaby

How often does he go and how long does he stay?

Confusedandneedhelp

Complete outside perspective:

Could he want to get to know his son without putting extra pressure on him? I mean two years is a long time, especially for a child.

I would make the effort to be the best dressed most fun dad too if I hadn't seen my son in 2 years. Who wants to see their dad in an old sweatshirt?

It's difficult for dads. I know I'm going through a cycle with my ex. But every moment with my boys is precious. I don't want them to see me sad or down. I want to be the strong dad they can rely on.