Getting married, joint finances who pays for childcare?

krustylouise

duchy wrote: »

and extra £15 is neither here nor there really.

Frankly you HTB has had a very easy ride at his Dad's not paying rent or food. Has he ever lived independently or are your household costs going to come as a huge shock to him ?

He has always lived at home....I have shown him the finances and he has been taking note but whether reality will hit I don't know. He has been saving and paying for the wedding so he has been doing with less outgoings really.

krustylouise

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Sorry, certainly didn't mean it as derogatory.

My point is that some solutions will be great for some people but won't really work for others.

In this case, for example, childcare vouchers are great for those with high childcare costs and high incomes because it means that the childcare costs can reduce the amount of income tax someone pays.
They're not much use for those with low childcare costs (for obvious reasons) or low incomes (as there is not much income tax there to be reduced).

Does that explanation make it sound better?

Sorry, I do get really defensive as I have always worked full time despite being a single parent. I know there are many others like me and I don't deserve a pat on the back but I don't feel I should be berated either.

purpleshoes_2

krustylouise wrote: »

He has always lived at home....I have shown him the finances and he has been taking note but whether reality will hit I don't know. He has been saving and paying for the wedding so he has been doing with less outgoings really.

The fact that hes been saving towards paying for the wedding is something positive. Has he had problems getting a place of his own independently or has it just been easier for him to live at home

To be honest as you'll know, reality has to bite at some point. Unless he planned living at his dads for the rest of his days, he was always going to have to move out sometime.

duchy

I'd make up the SOA together (and have a camera ready for the look on his face with you total it up) Get all your old utility bills, insurance council tax bills out and input it all together rather than just present him with a scary total first off.

krustylouise

purpleshoes wrote: »

The fact that hes been saving towards paying for the wedding is something positive. Has he had problems getting a place of his own independently or has it just been easier for him to live at home

To be honest as you'll know, reality has to bite at some point. Unless he planned living at his dads for the rest of his days, he was always going to have to move out sometime.

Its always been more convenient for him to live at home and it was free. His Dad never charged him anything except food.

OH fully admits he had to move out sometime and he's fully prepared to take on everything required, but like you I do feel it will be a bit of a shock.

krustylouise

duchy wrote: »

I'd make up the SOA together (and have a camera ready for the look on his face with you total it up) Get all your old utility bills, insurance council tax bills out and input it all together rather than just present him with a scary total first off.

That's a good idea. I will get paperwork ready this week and we can discuss it at the weekend.

duchy

krustylouise wrote: »

That's a good idea. I will get paperwork ready this week and we can discuss it at the weekend.

The SOA is great because it includes stuff like MOTs, holidays, haircuts, clothes things that tend to bust budgets.

quidsy

I would personally do 2. One where you combine all finances incl CB, maintenance & paying out childcare costs & split any left over as personal spending & the other where you keep all money & expenses relating to the child & see how both look.

74jax

As I've said, you seem much more focused than what I was, and well done for bringing it up now and not putting it off.

I too had always worked, it was me and DD for years, I could rely on myself and didn't need anyone to provide for me, I have worked since 15 and am proud DDD has had me as role for her, I think I've done well for us both under the circumstances......

Having to relinquish some of the tight reins I had for me was hard, I didn't want to have to rely on anyone.

Yeah, looking back I was screwed up, but that came from previous experiences. However when oh did move in, in time, I wondered what on earth had stopped me earlier.

It was hard when he moved in, very hard, I'd like to say it was a bliss period but I had been onmy own for do long it took a long time to settle down. I hear of people moving in together and it being the best thing ever, I wish we had been like that, but we weren't, I can look back and think yeah we came through it, but if you've been used tojust you and your child too, it may be worth knowing .

krustylouise

74jax wrote: »

As I've said, you seem much more focused than what I was, and well done for bringing it up now and now putting it off.

I too had always worked, it was me and DD for years, I could rely on myself and didn't need anyone to provide for me, I have worked since 15 and am proud DDD has had me as role for her, I think I've done well for us both under the circumstances......

Having to relinquish some of the tight reins I had for me was hard, I didn't want to have to rely on anyone.

Yeah, looking back I was screwed up, but that came from previous experiences. However when oh did move in, in time, I wondered what on earth had stopped me earlier.

It was hard when he moved in, very hard, I'd like to say it was a bliss period but I had been onmy own for do long it took a long time to settle down. I hear of people moving in together and it being the best thing ever, I wish we had been like that, but we weren't, I can look back and think yeah we came through it, but if you've been used tojust you and your child too, it may be worth knowing .

I can see exactly what you mean about them moving in. OH has stopped with us when we've been off work or been camping or away for a break together and one week when he wasn't well and then I wasn't well. We are used to each others company, but I still like my own space too, and he knows. I do hope we enjoy it rather than find it a struggle but time will tell....

I will do 2 SoA's.