Stalker

SquirrelNutkins

Mojisola wrote: »

For a good reason!

Returning his calls/texts/emails allows him to keep his fantasy going and lets him believe that she really is a willing partner but it won't be enough for ever. He will want to take it further.

If she doesn't make it stop, something in the future will push him to react. Better to end it now when she has some control than wait until a boyfriend gets beaten up or she comes home to find him waiting on the doorstep, etc.

Yes. It was just something I was wondering about. He just doesnt get the hint, its really strange how people like that can completely ignore what their victim is saying and just keep going. She told him months ago she is not interested what so ever. Yesterday he send a text saying they could go to Spain together, get married and have kids! I mean what the ...!?

Snakey

If she is going to ignore him she has to be consistent. If she gives in every now and then, he's always going to wonder whether the next text or call might be the one that will get the response. It's the same principle as developing a gambling addiction.

If he kills himself over this, that's his problem. With the exception of parents and their minor children, everybody is responsible for their own lives and wellbeing and nobody else's.

A lot of the time they're not poor, deluded people who just need help at all, they are nasty pieces of work who get a real kick out of knowing the effect they're having on your life and imagining/seeing how nervous and scared you are of them and how much what they're doing is getting to you.

I say gonads to his mental health - do whatever you need to do to get him to stop as soon as possible - block number, call police, change e-mail, get a boyfriend or father or brother to intimidate him.

SquirrelNutkins

Thanks for your replies, it´s encouraging to read your experiences and that eventually you got rid of them.

BitterAndTwisted

SquirrelNutkins wrote: »

I just wonder if the police will take it seriously, as its just text and calls?

But it isn't just calls and texts, is it? He's admitted that he's moved hundreds of miles from home just to be close to her. With absolutely no encouragement whatsoever. This cannot be passed off as anything approaching normal behaviour.

It doesn't matter what he's thinking. What matters is the effect his behaviour is having on your friend.

She absolutely needs to contact the police about this and as soon as possible! Please don't let her sit around with her fingers crossed hoping it's all going to go away. Because it might not and the consequences could be a great deal more serious than the stress of constant unwanted emails and texts.

theoretica

SquirrelNutkins wrote: »

I just wonder if the police will take it seriously, as its just text and calls?

They should - it is far less work for them to nip several such situations in the bud while they are minor than deal with one which escalates into something more major.

Yorkie1

+1 for the above 2 posts. Even if it was just texts and calls, the police should take it seriously. Stalking and harassment are really hot topics politically so I would expect a proper response.

Indie_Kid

With regards to email - a lot of email hosts allow you to create rules which mean that emails from a certain email address go into a certain folder, including delete / rubbish and spam. This way, she doesn't have to see his emails.

I had a few similar situations last year. One started when he asked me if I wanted to meet up for coffee and we exchanged numbers. He wouldn't stop texting me, despite being asked politely 3 times to stop it. He wasn't happy when I told him that I am not meeting up for coffee with him. Partly because of that and partly because my dad had promised to take me somewhere. I was later told that he'd been sectioned (he has a history of mental illness) and he'd blamed me for it. I was also informed that I wasn't the only person he's done this too. If I'd known this, I would have never agreed to exchange numbers and meet him for coffee.

Counting_Pennies_2

I was stalked by a work colleague some 15 years ago. I took public transport to work and he would be next to me in the queue every morning and then stand incredibly close to me, walk with me to work, be there as I came out for lunch and on my way home.


It was awful, I couldn't ignore him he was right in front of my face.


I would vary the times I went to work, what train I caught etc. The time I took lunch. He was always there regardless.


In the end I bought myself a car. Extreme, but I could drive and I had just come in to a little bit of money, so it was worth it for myself. Breaking the train habit and totally being able to ignore him helped. I stopped going out for lunch, or if I did I went with a colleague. It worked and I was finally left alone.


I know this is not an answer for the OPs friend as he has moved a significant distance to see her, but getting a car if she can drive might provide her with peace of mind?

redpete

SquirrelNutkins wrote: »

He just doesnt get the hint, its really strange how people like that can completely ignore what their victim is saying and just keep going.

If someone is convinced that something is true then they can find a way of explaining everything that should prove that it isn't true. Like, maybe, that she is only responding negatively because of pressure from family or friends and that she isn't able to express her true feelings for him.

This is why you can't apply your own way of dealing with it as if he will respond to 'common sense'. E.g. you can't assume that occasional replies will keep him from serious reaction that ignoring him might cause.

Yorkie1

Indie_Kid wrote: »

With regards to email - a lot of email hosts allow you to create rules which mean that emails from a certain email address go into a certain folder, including delete / rubbish and spam. This way, she doesn't have to see his emails.

Good suggestion, but would not recommend deletion. Otherwise the potential evidence is lost, and she'll always be wondering whether he's actually stopped or not.