Stalker

nickj_2

tell your friend to change her phone number ,email address etc, do not give him the hint that he's succeeding in continuing his "love"by adding fuel to the fire by answering ,
i would go to the police as well ,

SquirrelNutkins

Thank you all for replying.

The good thing is that we are not on the Electoral Register yet. I was about to do that, but now I wont, thanks for telling me.

I talked to my friend about this last night, she gets really distressed talking about it, but avoiding it isnt a solution. She agreed to tell her family, at least something. And we said we´d think of what else we can do.
To answer some questions, he knows the town she works in, but not her workplace. Still, not a comforting thought. She has to go there by public transport, that worries me.

Most of you and everyone else you ask says to completely ignore a stalker, which she does. But I cant help but wonder, isn´t that going to make him crack? Because now its just texts, but what if her never answering makes him lose it? It scares me.

Yorkie1

Nobody can predict whether this might escalate or not, I'm afraid.

On the electoral roll issue, you can go on the edited version. This means he cannot find out your address but organisations which need to do so, can (e.g. if you apply for insurance - credit check).

Mojisola

SquirrelNutkins wrote: »

Most of you and everyone else you ask says to completely ignore a stalker, which she does. But I cant help but wonder, isn´t that going to make him crack? Because now its just texts, but what if her never answering makes him lose it? It scares me.

The longer she keeps communicating with him, the longer his obsession will continue.

Stopping contact may make things worse in the short term but what's the alternative - living according to his distorted reality for the rest of her life?

SquirrelNutkins

Yorkie1 wrote: »

On the electoral roll issue, you can go on the edited version. This means he cannot find out your address but organisations which need to do so, can (e.g. if you apply for insurance - credit check).

Thank you, I will look into this.

SquirrelNutkins

Mojisola wrote: »

The longer she keeps communicating with him, the longer his obsession will continue.

Stopping contact may make things worse in the short term but what's the alternative - living according to his distorted reality for the rest of her life?

Of course its not an option. I was just wondering if he might not lose it if he gets a very short email from her every few weeks. I know its completely against what all "experts" say to do, but if it would help so that he doesnt do anything really stupid? The thing is, I don´t know if it would help in that or not. That´s why I mention it here, to get other people´s opinions.

mandragora_2

My friend got abusive and unsettling texts from her ex following his release from prison for the physical assaults he'd committed on her. She reported the messages and texts to the police, and they told her not to delete the texts or to block him. Instead, what they did was take the phone off her, and held it themselves, so they could track and monitor what he was doing. She then used another phone, and only gave the number out where strictly necessary. It helped her enormously to hand it over.

[Deleted User]

I was stalked and it esculated. And its always somebody you know. I had to go to the police. I didn't want to and just thought it was something that would go away. But the person doesn't. I got followed, he turned up at my work, my home, when I was out with friends he'd appear. He done criminal damage. Seriously you may think hes normal and your mate may bury her head in the sand. But for me going to the police and reporting it did end it. Otherwise he'd have got a criminal record.

Mojisola

SquirrelNutkins wrote: »

Of course its not an option. I was just wondering if he might not lose it if he gets a very short email from her every few weeks.

I know its completely against what all "experts" say to do, but if it would help so that he doesnt do anything really stupid?

The thing is, I don´t know if it would help in that or not. That´s why I mention it here, to get other people´s opinions.

For a good reason!

Returning his calls/texts/emails allows him to keep his fantasy going and lets him believe that she really is a willing partner but it won't be enough for ever. He will want to take it further.

If she doesn't make it stop, something in the future will push him to react. Better to end it now when she has some control than wait until a boyfriend gets beaten up or she comes home to find him waiting on the doorstep, etc.

SquirrelNutkins

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

I was stalked and it esculated. And its always somebody you know. I had to go to the police. I didn't want to and just thought it was something that would go away. But the person doesn't. I got followed, he turned up at my work, my home, when I was out with friends he'd appear. He done criminal damage. Seriously you may think hes normal and your mate may bury her head in the sand. But for me going to the police and reporting it did end it. Otherwise he'd have got a criminal record.

Good that this helped you
I just wonder if the police will take it seriously, as its just text and calls?