Anyone else struggle to make chit chat?

Idiophreak

Torry_Quine wrote: »

that's part of it. Many people myself included don't think anyone would be interested in us and so find it very hard to say anything.

I guess fixing that is the first thing then. If you're not interested, fired up or enthusiastic about something in your life, it *is* going to be difficult to come across as interesting in a conversation...And that's the point...as long as I'm convinced the other person actually finds it interesting, I'll find it interesting.

Spent a few hours in the pub the other night being taught about the CMB by a couple of mates. Never really had much interest in astronomy, but listening to enthusiastic people rant about it was quite interesting, actually.

Of course, if you really don't have anything in your life that you feel passionately about, an inability to make small talk seems like a minor problem in the scheme of things

London_Town

I don't find "chit chat" easy and tend to dismiss it as inane and pointless. However, as we all know, it is a necessary part of most social interaction.

I also feel that many of my interests would be seen as strange or "sad", although I don't for a minute think I'm a boring person. I don't believe anyone should give themselves such a negative tag. I just save any discussions about my interests for those that share them, or at least "get me".

I'm also a very private person and am loathed to reveal anything about myself in conversations with people I don't know. I always find the best thing is to ask people about themselves. There are lots of things you can ask about which will lead to further discussion.

Also, if you struggle with making chit chat, take opportunities to practice in safe situations. I sometimes push myself to do this and find it really helps. Chat to the check out operator if they're friendly, just things like that.

Anatidaephobia

My problem is initiating conversation. If the other person is willing to go with the flow then, once it starts, I can usually manage okay (though - depending on the person I'm talking to - it can still be awkward) but I find it difficult to get started.

Frogletina

aileth wrote: »

I absolutely hate the hairdressers though, where having a degree in chit-chat seems to be a must. It makes me cringe, and I've tried so many hairdressers but haven't found a single one who will cut my hair without trying to talk about the weather or where I'm going on holiday bla-bla-bla....

You need to go to any of the hairdressers I've been to, they never talk to me. I'm ok if someone starts a conversation with me but I am hopeless at initiating one.

DaveTheMus

People love talking about themselves, just pretend you're interviewing them, ask plenty of questions and people will talk all night about what they've been doing.

I'd also say you go and do some things, stop being so 'money conscious', money's just a tool after all...

Idiophreak

Frogletina wrote: »

You need to go to any of the hairdressers I've been to, they never talk to me.

Oh man, that's the worst.

I always have that....they're chatting away to everyone else, having a jolly good time...I step up to the chair and *silence*.

I've been told I come across as being very stern until you get to know me, I wonder if that's what does it. Depressing, anyway.

(I *am* getting better at starting conversations myself though. "Hey, those are nice scissors you have there. Are they forged or cast?". BOOM another fascinating conversation begins)

Domayne

Your definitely not alone! I also struggle to make chit chat and have random conversations with people - at work is the worst because I work on a reception desk so constantly have people chatting to me and a lot of the time, I can't think of responses and just freeze. I think I end up just looking rude because it seems I'm ignoring them but my brain is busy having a mini meltdown. I'm also unfortunate that I have a bit of a b**chy looking face so yeah, people do just assume that I am one. Not really sure how to change this tbh but the older I get, the less I start to care - I mean there's only so many conversations about the weather and big brother I can tolerate before I want to scream anyway ha

Torry_Quine

Idiophreak wrote: »

I guess fixing that is the first thing then. If you're not interested, fired up or enthusiastic about something in your life, it *is* going to be difficult to come across as interesting in a conversation...And that's the point...as long as I'm convinced the other person actually finds it interesting, I'll find it interesting.

Spent a few hours in the pub the other night being taught about the CMB by a couple of mates. Never really had much interest in astronomy, but listening to enthusiastic people rant about it was quite interesting, actually.

Of course, if you really don't have anything in your life that you feel passionately about, an inability to make small talk seems like a minor problem in the scheme of things

I do have things that I'm passionate about though and didn't say I haven't, that's not the problem. My ability to converse with others is not dependent on having interests in life.

tea_lover

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I do have things that I'm passionate about though and didn't say I haven't, that's not the problem. My ability to converse with others is not dependent on having interests in life.

Exactly. I have lots of interests, many of which I'm extremely passionate about. That doesn't mean I find random chit-chat anything less than excruciating.

Idiophreak

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I do have things that I'm passionate about though and didn't say I haven't, that's not the problem. My ability to converse with others is not dependent on having interests in life.

If you're passionate about it, why don't you think people will be interested?

Granted, it may not be the same stuff they're passionate about...but if we all liked the same stuff it would be an awfully dull world...