Anyone else struggle to make chit chat?

whitewing

Read the daily mail online (it's free) and there are always scaremongering articles that you can make a comment about. Generally, being aware of the headlines in the news can be a good conversation opener.

aileth

Depends for me really. I won't shut up after a glass of wine though.

If people are having conversations between themselves I'll sit and listen, but if there's a few people and an awkward silence I'll be the first to jump in and make chit-chat.

I absolutely hate the hairdressers though, where having a degree in chit-chat seems to be a must. It makes me cringe, and I've tried so many hairdressers but haven't found a single one who will cut my hair without trying to talk about the weather or where I'm going on holiday bla-bla-bla....

Torry_Quine

Idiophreak wrote: »

Isn't it? How come?

"Did you see Big Brother last night".
"No, I was busy digging some weeds out in the garden"
BOOM subject changed!

"Do you have holiday plans this year?"
"No, looking after my 43 cats keeps me pretty busy"
BOOM!

Lord knows I'm the most boring guy under the sun, but I generally find something to ramble on about.

A highlight from my conversation at the last wedding I went to "say, do you know much about packaging recycling legislation?" (boom!)

If like me you are painfully shy then even the thought of speaking to someone can bring you out in a cold sweat though.

In the examples given how would I develop conversation further from there, I would be stuck?

[Deleted User]

Idiophreak wrote: »

Isn't it? How come?

"Did you see Big Brother last night".
"No, I was busy digging some weeds out in the garden"
BOOM subject changed!

Because you have to be able to talk about what others are interested in, unless you want to come over as boorish and self centered by turning every opening line back round to yourself. The art of conversation is to ask questions, but if you can't think of a response, there's a limit to how many times you can keep saying "Oh, really, that's nice." before you begin to sound like a record that's got stuck.

Talking about your own interests is all very well and good, but what do you do when you've already flogged them to death? What if your interests are things that most others aren't interested in? It gets even worse still if people think your interests are just plain weird, because then you end up having to evade their questions too.

focus888

Thanks for all your post. I know there is no easy answer to this. I just need to not be so reserved. Speak whats on my mind. Without barriers maybe lol.

Person_one

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If like me you are painfully shy then even the thought of speaking to someone can bring you out in a cold sweat though.

In the examples given how would I develop conversation further from there, I would be stuck?

Most people are more than happy to just talk about themselves, just prompt them to without seeming nosy and you're golden.

Person_one

Idiophreak wrote: »

Isn't it? How come?

"Did you see Big Brother last night".
"No, I was busy digging some weeds out in the garden"
BOOM subject changed!

"Do you have holiday plans this year?"
"No, looking after my 43 cats keeps me pretty busy"
BOOM!

I wouldn't say its very polite to just turn the conversation on a dime so that its all about you.

"Did you see Big Brother last night?"
"No, I've not wached it since Nasty Nick! What are the contestants like this time?"

"Do you have holiday plans this year"
"No, I have to look after my 48 cats, how about you?"

Then you're offering a bit of info about yourself, but still showing an interest in what the other person has to say.

Idiophreak

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If like me you are painfully shy then even the thought of speaking to someone can bring you out in a cold sweat though.

In the examples given how would I develop conversation further from there, I would be stuck?

It's a conversation, not a monologue. So most often, it would go
"Did you see Big Brother last night?".
"No, I was busy digging some weeds out in the garden"
"Oh right, do you do a lot of gardening...?"

and off you go...

The risk of this approach is that they may just keep trying to talk about stuff you're not interested in and you keep doing this and

jack_pott wrote: »

come over as boorish and self centered by turning every opening line back round to yourself.

In that case, you generally just get bored of each other, head to the bar etc.

jack_pott wrote: »

The art of conversation is to ask questions, but if you can't think of a response, there's a limit to how many times you can keep saying "Oh, really, that's nice." before you begin to sound like a record that's got stuck.

Talking about your own interests is all very well and good, but what do you do when you've already flogged them to death? What if your interests are things that most others aren't interested in? It gets even worse still if people think your interests are just plain weird, because then you end up having to evade their questions too.

The idea's to make an effort to talk about the stuff they're interested in...and they make an effort to talk about the stuff you're interested in. It's a two way street. If there's literally no overlap, it gets a little tough...but at that stage you just accept that you're probably not going to be BFFs and move on.

Personally, I find it's hard to get stuck knowing what to ask. If I'm not interested in something, I probably don't know much about it. If I don't know about something, there are far more questions to ask than if I do know about it, right?

...and in the scheme of things, I'm not a very interesting person, but I still think people should be interested in what I have to say on certain subjects - at the end of the day, if there's nothing that you think people should be interested in knowing about you, that's quite...bleak...isn't it?

Idiophreak

Person_one wrote: »

I wouldn't say its very polite to just turn the conversation on a dime so that its all about you.

"Did you see Big Brother last night?"
"No, I've not wached it since Nasty Nick! What are the contestants like this time?"

"Do you have holiday plans this year"
"No, I have to look after my 48 cats, how about you?"

Then you're offering a bit of info about yourself, but still showing an interest in what the other person has to say.

But if OP isn't confident talking about Big Brother or holiday plans, how has that helped?

All they've done is given away a potential topic of conversation with no return.

I agree that it's not the best manners, but at the end of the day, if you're bored out of your head and they've been droning on about the same stuff for some time, you have to be a bit more blunt to remind the other person that they're supposed to take an interest in you, too.

Torry_Quine

Idiophreak wrote: »

Personally, I find it's hard to get stuck knowing what to ask. If I'm not interested in something, I probably don't know much about it. If I don't know about something, there are far more questions to ask than if I do know about it, right?

...and in the scheme of things, I'm not a very interesting person, but I still think people should be interested in what I have to say on certain subjects - at the end of the day, if there's nothing that you think people should be interested in knowing about you, that's quite...bleak...isn't it?

that's part of it. Many people myself included don't think anyone would be interested in us and so find it very hard to say anything.