Cant cope with lazy partner!!

SingleSue

Can I possibly come at this from a carers point of view?

At one point, I was a carer who also worked and despite good intentions, by the time I got any 'off' time, I was too blooming tired to go through with any planned big jobs. The intention was certainly there, my brain was willing but when it came down to it, my body just wasn't, it just needed to rest and before I knew it, weeks and weeks would go by with the planned job not being done.

Ok, none of the jobs were as important as having a working kitchen but as time went on, everything just became so daunting, the list so long and it was just so overwhelming....I just wanted some me time to recharge my batteries a little.

I can also see it from the OP's perspective too, they are unable to do the job themselves, they have a partner who is physically able to and the frustration must be immense.

My advice is that if it is possible and affordable, would be to pay someone to install the most important aspects of the kitchen, so at least there would be some function available in the kitchen to relieve the stress for the OP and the list not quite so scary and overwhelming for the partner.

rinabean

Some people don't understand how frustrating disability is... it's so, so, so frustrating to have the time to do something and not be able to do it. Yes it makes you angry, no it's not good for your heart. How anyone can't imagine that is beyond me, even if you've been lucky as an adult surely you felt this way as a child sometimes.

But doing up a kitchen and working full time is tough too, and he's a carer - though he shouldn't lie about what he'll do and he should be looking for solutions too (ie he can also pay workmen, he can also ask friends and relatives for practical help). The situation needs to be sorted ASAP. If he refuses to either do the work or get someone else to then yes it is abusive. In honesty I would think it doesn't take half a year to realise it's too much for you to do alone if that's the case (more like 2 weekends where you couldn't get anything done) so he really needs to sort this out quickly.

dori2o

I can fully understand the situation from both sides.

From the OP's PoV, as a disabled person who can do a few things around the house, it must be awful not having a kitchen, especially to do the washing up, cooking etc. People just don't understand how important it is to have the right things in place, especially with the laundrette situation.

There have been some horrible posts accusing the OP of being lazy as they can get to the laundrette but can't help to fit a kitchen.

To this I'd like to make 2 or 3 points.

1, maybe the OP doesn't have any skills that would be usefull to the job of kitchen fitting.

2, going to the laundrette for the OP is not a lifestyle choice they are making, it is a necessity. Obviously the OP's partner is too tired/busy to complete the kitchen, they are also probably too tired to take clothes to the laundrette.

Just because the OP does take clothes to the laundrette doesn't mean she then has the energy to do everything in the house, for all we know that 1 job of taking clothes to the laundrette (we don't know how many/how heavy the load is) requires all the energy the OP can call on for that one day. It may cause additional problems with their disability.

3rd, the issue of washing the pots in the bath. This again is a hard thing to dao and again may cause additional problems with the OP's disability.

Again an earlier post suggests that the OP can't be that disabled if she does the washing up in the bath, or that as she can do the washing up she must be able to help fit a kitchen. These assumptions arrived at despite not knowing how these jobs are affecting the OP.

From the partners PoV I can understand working long hours and being very tired.

I know when I get in from work I'm really very tired, the years of very little sleep, the medications, pain etc all adds up especially towards the end of the week and at weekends I just want to rest and recover ready for the following week.

I love DIY and I miss being able to do it. With my condition continuing to get worse as time passes I'm simply unable to do it anymore on the scale that I used to.

The reason why we bought a fixer upper of a house was because I had the necessary skills to be able to do the work myself, gained over years of helping my Dad and going to work with him at weekends or during the school holidays when I was at school.

I had no idea that less than 3 years into the project I'd have to stop because my body began giving up on me.

It took me a while to accept that I couldn't do the work and to swallow my pride and allow someone else to do it. I may be wrong but possibly the Op's partner is much like that. Has a desire to do the work themselves but unfortunately doesn't have the energy, and would hate to see someone else do the work.

It's good that OP has suggested in later posts that they are arranging to get people in to do the work/help their partner.

Once the kitchen is in hopefully for the OP it can signal a change in fortunes for them both.