Just needed to be heard for a little while

Pyxis

lostinrates wrote: »

What a wonderful rainy weekend that was. DH and I cuddled a lot and did rather little. The weekend flew by and I think the week ahead will feel long!

The rain reminded me I really, really need to find a roofer soon though.

Didn't get much rain, just some on Saturday morning, so still had to trudge out to pots with buckets of grey water from the sink! I'd been hoping for a good deluge to soak the plants!

lostinrates

Pyxis wrote: »

Didn't get much rain, just some on Saturday morning, so still had to trudge out to pots with buckets of grey water from the sink! I'd been hoping for a good deluge to soak the plants!

We had sun yesterday morning and spent time in the garden listening to gorgeous summery Latiny jazz. It smelled gorgeous outside, the chamomile was almost candy scented and the buddleia honied. It was like the garden had been sophisticatedly willy wonka'd.

Despite the rain we watered, things have been rather dry here and we planted trees this year so we water them every week.

Pyxis

Out of interest, does anyone know which pound shop Pugliet came from?
I know someone who really likes pugs, but she can't have a dog, so it might be nice to get her a pug from the pound. (That still creases me up!)

jobbingmusician

It was Poundland. Last time I looked (before I went away, obv) they had restocked with some. (They are mixed in with other children's soft toys.)

Pyxis

Many thanks, I'll go and have a look.:A

whitewing

I am glad you didn't change the thread title because I think the title is perfect.

Good morning, all!

We are off to the park today (when everyone wakes up) and I am excited. Lots of sunshine and we have just bought DD a microscooter (with fairies on) so she is thrilled about that. (We decided to have a staycation this summer so that is saving us some pennies).

Went to a 'big birthday' celebration yesterday. I am not one for gatherings (I took my book so I could escape into the garden if need be). Had a great time though. I did escape into the garden with DD when she was showing signs of being overwhelmed, but then some others came out too and she was fine with the smaller group and fresh air. I am much better now in small crowds - didn't feel trapped at all yesterday. Met some lovely people too.

jobbingmusician

I was discussing this thread with some colleagues at work ( a local Mind association) and someone mentioned that although it sounded a brilliant thread, it might help new people to feel safe if we actually agreed some ground rules. How about that? As WaS has said now in post 1, 'This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone.' - but people who are unwell will need a lot of reassurance about that! If we could agree some ground rules, maybe WaS could incorporate them into post 1?

How about the following, for starters.

- This is a thread for support. We have discovered some good friends on here, but we promise always to welcome and include new people, and not to be cliquey.

- People may make suggestions to help each other, and might even ask if the suggestions were helpful or have been carried out, but we'll really try not to nag each other or put too much pressure on*.

- The normal board rules about sexism, racism, homophobia etc. apply, but if we are careful we should be able to discuss almost anything without breaching board rules - so far we have discussed subjects ranging from child abuse to incontinence!

- More suggestions please.............I stress that I am suggesting that we AGREE some ground rules, to HELP people who might feel anxious about posting, not that I am trying to IMPOSE rules I'm just relating this to what we do at work, facilitating groups (including staff groups, I am not being patronising!) so that people feel safe and able to participate as fully as they can.

*I almost wonder whether we should have a trigger word, so that if someone thinks that too much pressure is being applied, they can post something like PENGUIN and flag up the fact that they believe there's a potential for someone feeling too nagged to do something. I mean ANYONE could post PENGUIN if they felt there was a danger that suggestions were being enforced too much. Do people think this might be helpful?

Waves_and_Smiles

I love that idea JM, I have been thinking that guidelines would be helpful. It gives a bit of security to new members who might want to post and it is reassuring for us regulars, too! Anything that makes everyone feel safe is always welcome.

I love the idea of a code word and personally I think it should stay as penguin. I like penguins!

I would never want anyone here to feel pressurised as I said in my edit. Gentle advice or ideas are always welcome but I wouldn't anyone to feel that they had to carry something out or reveal something about themselves that they didn't feel comfortable with. I want this thread to be a supportive place where we all do what we can for each other, and sometimes that is just listening and validating someone and allowing them to say whatever feels right for them when they feel that the time is right to do so. I don't want anyone to feel pushed into anything in any way, I suppose I see this thread as a little haven from the demands and stresses that might be put on people elsewhere.

One of the reasons I edited the first post was because I wanted it to be about everyone, including lurkers and new people who haven't arrived yet! I would hate if it became cliquey, I want everyone to always feel welcome no matter what and no matter how long they have been posting on the site.

elsien

jobbingmusician wrote: »

*I almost wonder whether we should have a trigger word, so that if someone thinks that too much pressure is being applied, they can post something like PENGUIN and flag up the fact that they believe there's a potential for someone feeling too nagged to do something. I mean ANYONE could post PENGUIN if they felt there was a danger that suggestions were being enforced too much. Do people think this might be helpful?

Whilst I can see the sense in this for people who are possibly feeling overwhelmed, I'm wondering if this might cause people to "penguin" on behalf of others when it's not necessary? Purely because I've dithered about asking questions in case it's really insensitive, and WaS hasn't minded answering. I'm wondering whether those of us who don't currently have mental health issues might go a bit PC and over-sensitive on behalf of those who have. Although that's possibly me putting my own feelings out there onto other people who are probably much more sensible!

Waves_and_Smiles

Interesting point, elsien. Certainly in my case I don't mind questions, in fact they stop me feeling like I am screaming look at meeee! all over the thread. I took it as applying to things like say nagging me to reach behind the Cushion Of Great Anxiety on a daily basis? Not that anyone has done that at all but perhaps I might be having a bad day and not be able to and me being me I would immediately feel that I let everyone down and launch into a 3 hour self-blame party. I am just using myself as an example there, of course the guideline applies to all of us.

I also took it as referring to the difference between asking me questions about the issues I have already said I had and someone new coming onto the thread and asking them "What have you got then?" I am being crass on purpose and I really hope that no one would do that but it is a little safety valve to make sure something lesser doesn't happen?

I kind of see Penguins for extreme situations? (Extreme Super Penguin!). Of course, we could always make it that the person who feels upset is the one who says penguin, or perhaps posters could ask if someone wishes to penguin if they are worried? Or if we feel we might be saying something a little intrusive we could say you are welcome to penguin at the end of the request/question?

Perhaps we need to look at the phraseology to make it clear about the boundaries it specifically refers to? Of course, my interpretation might be totally wrong and not what JM meant at all, in which case please ignore the person cuddling the pug in the corner.