Fruitcake Neighbours

aileth

She also complained to my parents' landlord that my parents don't smile at her when they see her....

suse*

Well it sounds like she could have some kind of mental illness then. From the other thread did her husband tell yours she was as I can't tell if you're just name calling or not?

If she is ill then I think that explains why some of her behaviour isn't "normal" and why she reacted in such an exagerated way.

If you don't know them well, you have no idea about their lives and health which might be causing them to act out this way. Rather than viewing it as she has it in for you, she might be thinking the same of you but a million times worse for things you migth not even realise could be triggers for her.

I think some compassion couldn't go amis here, when it really doesn't sound like you have all the facts about her and calling someone "110% batty" in this day and age isn't helping anyone. I don't envy your situation but if this has been ongoing for a while I think you need to take a different tack and try to understand what triggers are getting her so upset. Then once you understand that you might be able to calm the waters more.

pimento

Is she a tenant or an owner?

aileth

She's an owner.

She has said things to her children as well, who can't be older than 11 to 12, as her little girl once said, "Well we actually own our house and you don't, so we can do whatever we want."

bouicca21

The problem here is whether or not the neighbour really is a fruitcake or not. If she is then no amount of rational discussion or actions will stop her bizarre behaviour.

It's very easy to assume that someone who appears normal and who can string sentences together in an appropriate way does not have mental health problems. I remember my elderly MiL having a problem with a neighbour, who had starting shouting at her over the fence. Easy to sort out I thought, must be some sort of misunderstanding. Went next door, had a perfectly normal few sentences until the neighbour started to tell me all about her nuclear bunker and her plans for surviving Armageddon. She did indeed have a bunker - an old brick coal bunker. She was doing other weird stuff too. Turned out she had been in and out of mental hospitals for years.

pimento

suse* wrote: »

I think some compassion couldn't go amis here... I think you need to take a different tack and try to understand what triggers are getting her so upset. Then once you understand that you might be able to calm the waters more.

Take a different tack like not being annoyed when you're soaked and your food is ruined, you mean?

aileth

My father has asked her husband if she has any issues and the reply has been no, so whether or not there is something and he wanted to keep it from my father I don't know.

From what I remember the husband said something along the lines of 'that's just how she is.'

millysg1

this reminds me of my old neighbor - though not as bad.

We had our first BBQ after moving in 10 months before had. It consisted of me, my husband, mum, dad and sister. BBQ had been on 20 mins when neighbor came round and as soon as I opened my front door started yelling insults at me saying "how dare I have a BBQ". yadda yadda yadda. They have a couple acres garden and our garden was right at the end of their garden. They complained about the smoke, we had a 8 foot wall round the garden also.
I said we would be finished within half an hour and he said that was unacceptable (even though he said he was going out soon)

Now if he had turned up saying sorry to interrupt but the smoke is billowing over the wall into our garden and is ruining our time in our garden. I would have felt bad, apologized and said we will finish cooking ASAP.

But the horrible things he was yelling at me put my back right up and made me want to put the piece of fish on the BBQ and see how he feels about fishy, smelly smoke!!!!!!

In the end I had to close the door on his face!

suse*

pimento wrote: »

Take a different tack like not being annoyed when you're soaked and your food is ruined, you mean?

Well no of course you're going to be annoyed, the point is though you're assuming this neighbour is doing this behaviour out of just spite or something. When she could have some mental illness where she really thought the fence was on fire, or that the people having the bbq are out to get her or all sorts. Only by cominucation I think you'll have a chance of trying to stop this escalalating, because if she was acting this way due to illness expecting her to suddently change into the perfect neighbour over night isn't relistic is it.

aileth

No, Suse. I am 99.9% sure she was shouting the fence was on fire as an excuse to get the hose out, pretend to hose the fence down before covering us. It was no accident and was 110% planned. Before she soaked us, we heard her watering all the plants in the garden after hosing her 'on fire' fence down. The hose water then came half a foot above the fence for 5-10 seconds and covered us all and the BBQ.