Where to start....

thedogsmum

If you're the type of people who flit between partners and don't take responsibility for your actions, then don't have children.


You call it old fashioned I call it decent.[/QUOTE]

Delree, 11 years married is hardly 'flitting', is it? The OP came to the forum asking for help on where to go for guidance; he didn't come to get a lecture on how he should live his life.

Delree

thedogsmum wrote: »

If you're the type of people who flit between partners and don't take responsibility for your actions, then don't have children.


You call it old fashioned I call it decent.

Delree, 11 years married is hardly 'flitting', is it? The OP came to the forum asking for help on where to go for guidance; he didn't come to get a lecture on how he should live his life.[/QUOTE]



I gave guidance he just didn't like it.

heartbreak_star

I personally think it's more damaging to kids for them to be able to "sense" there is something wrong but not be able to talk about it because "everything's fine"...

HBS x

Delree

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I personally think it's more damaging to kids for them to be able to "sense" there is something wrong but not be able to talk about it because "everything's fine"...

HBS x

Don't give them the sense there's something wrong then.


I hear this "if we're (the parents) happy then they'll be happy" all the time from people when trying to justify breaking up their family and all that their kids know.

Azmataz

Delree wrote: »

Don't give them the sense there's something wrong then.

So lie to them then?

Very 'decent' parental style, I don't think.

Delree

Azmataz wrote: »

So lie to them then?

Very 'decent' parental style, I don't think.

Ha love it.
Kids, we're very selfish people who had kids but don't want to give you the things we should any more. But at least we're being honest, you gotta give us points for that.

StuC75

Without a doubt the worst advice ever - children will recognise the difference in situation , or at the worst grow up with an odd perception of what family life is like.

The OP gives an indication that any parting would be on good terms and so if they can come to a solution which allows for a good clean break in finances then that can only be for the best.

Too many NRP's end up where they are still on a mortgage for an old property and balancing providing maintenance and moving on with there own life and living situation..

So whether there's an element of downsizing or making a reasonable provision in the equity then that can only be for the best for both parents in establishing a new 'chapter' in there lifes then that can only be good.. rather than being raised in an environment where that love is not felt by all...

Everybody should be happy in the future plans..

Delree wrote: »

Yes in short, at least until the kids are older and better able to deal with it. Why does your happiness trump theirs? They didn't ask to be born.

Delree

All I hear is a flimsy justification for trying to weasel out of a lifetime commitment because it doesn't suit the adult's wants or desires anymore.


The kids will pick up on the lack of love, they will have a warped view on what family life is, I mean all this just hogwash to justify a selfish decision and make the perpetrators feel better about themselves. I'm not that bothered it happens all the time, it's just sad that people have kids then don't take their needs into account when considering their own.

Tygermoth

Delree,

I am sensing a personal agenda here. One not helping the OP. The op asked for very specific advice not you opinion on love and relationships in the modern age.

Dear OP please don't be discouraged from the thread. For every thread there is a dissenting voice however also others provide good advice.

themull1

Delree wrote: »

All I hear is a flimsy justification for trying to weasel out of a lifetime commitment because it doesn't suit the adult's wants or desires anymore.


The kids will pick up on the lack of love, they will have a warped view on what family life is, I mean all this just hogwash to justify a selfish decision and make the perpetrators feel better about themselves. I'm not that bothered it happens all the time, it's just sad that people have kids then don't take their needs into account when considering their own.

Has this happened to you? You seem very passionate about it!