Where to start....

superted

Hi I am looking for some guidance.. please

Myself and my partner have been married 11yrs. We have 2 boys 11 & 3 yrs old.

We have both decided we have grown apart and that we no longer want to stay together. We are both upset about this but feel its right to do before things turn nasty.

We have a house together, but before we were together I had my own place with no mortgage (I was lucky).. since then we have moved twice and now have a mortgage (but a great house).

I work full time and my wage pays for all the bills and my partner has her own business but its only 2yrs old and isn't bringing in much more than £4k a year.

My questions are:[-
Who can we go to for impartial advice.? I can't afford to carry on paying the bills and move into rented accommodation. So we are co-inhabiting at the moment.

what are the options.. I guess benefits would change.. Just not sure what the options are... Arghh...


thanks in advance..

richardw

Have you just 'grown' ?

AnnieO1234

Go to wikivorce - it's a fantastic site for anyone whether married or not, who needs to know how to 'get out' of a relationship.


Don't be put off by the 'wiki' part, it's not anything to do with the encyclopaedia.


They also have a forum for people to just chat about their situation etc with people who are going through or have been through the same thing.


My main advice would be to consider whether you still love one another, just because a couple has 'grown apart' in that they no longer do the same things together, doesn't mean the end of the road for their relationship.


X

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Have you thought about selling the house, splitting the proceeds 50/50 and going your own separate ways.

WillowCat

As Annie says, check out Wikivorce, it's an excellent resource, and their forums will help enormously.

Also consider whether there's anything of your marriage to save - have you considered counselling?

Be aware that with your income disparity and young children, in a divorce the priority will be to keep a roof over the children's heads so you may see little or nothing of the equity if your wife houses them until they are eighteen or even until they have finished university. This is the case even if she has to buy a smaller property so that it's affordable (probably outright as she won't be able to get a mortgage on low earnings even including child maintenance.)

Unless the assets (including both your pensions) are very large, it will be deemed a 'needs' case and you are very unlikely to come out with 50% of the assets. The fact that you owned your house outright before marriage is irrelevant for a long marriage.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

pinkshoes

Try a bit harder to make your relationship work? Go on dates? Change your routine? Plan a summer holiday?

Tiddlywinks

A few years ago you cared enough about each other to start a family... So what's changed?

Grown apart? Why?

What have you done to get things back on track?

Surely it's worth trying first to stay and get things working again... rather than putting all your efforts into breaking up.

superted

thanks everyone for the thoughts and updates,


We haven't come to this decision lightly ..

we have tried counseling and all the other suggestions.

thanks for the suggestion of Wikidivorce..

been useful.


thanks again...

Delree

I can understand if someone cheats or is abusive but just growing apart (whatever that means) is a selfish reason to split up when you have kids who by the way didn't ask to be born. You two should be adults and face up to your responsibilities.

superted

Delree wrote: »

I can understand if someone cheats or is abusive but just growing apart (whatever that means) is a selfish reason to split up when you have kids who by the way didn't ask to be born. You two should be adults and face up to your responsibilities.

So I should just live an unhappy life and grow to hate the wife. Then have the kids suffer in an unhappy house hold?

That said thanks for your input

Person_one

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow wrote: »

Have you thought about selling the house, splitting the proceeds 50/50 and going your own separate ways.

They have two children, aged 11 and 3.

First priority is making sure they have a roof over their heads, 50/50 might not achieve that.