Splitting the bills? Is anything other than 50/50 unfair?

GobbledyGook

I don't see the need for a joint account, joint finances yes, but it doesn't have to be joint accounts if people don't want one.

If finances are very unequal (in terms of one partner sponging off another) a joint account can enable that.

I just don't understand two people taking on a mortgage together not being able to sit down and discuss how to split the bills. I hope it works out well for the OP because I think that could be a recipe for disaster.

The lady I mentioned earlier agreed to move in with her partner. She moved 10 hours drive away, gave up her reasonably well paid job, struggled to find any job so took a low paid one and it was only after she moved that she discovered that her OH expects absolutely everything to be 50:50 - to the point of totting up the bills she 'owed' until she found a job (including half of the rent despite the fact he'd been paying it himself for years so wasn't like he suddenly had loads more bills - just food. He has a lodger so there wasn't a council tax increase either).

I just find it bizarre people will commit to something huge financially with a partner without working out who will pay what - how do you even work out what you can afford in a mortgage if you don't sit down with both incomes and all the outgoings each has?

Threebabes

My husband has always earned loads more than me. At the minute he earns probably 8 times as much as I get.

We add our money together, save some, pay the bills and both take out the same 'pocket money' each month.

I think 50/50 is unfair.

jaylee3

Threebabes wrote: »

My husband has always earned loads more than me. At the minute he earns probably 8 times as much as I get.

We add our money together, save some, pay the bills and both take out the same 'pocket money' each month.

I think 50/50 is unfair.

Yes 50% EACH is unfair. As 'person-one' said, the lower earner would be left with much less money every time.

I am not sure I even agree with the people who say that if the one partner earns 3 times less, they 'pay' 3 times less. Pooling all the money together, (in ONE bank account,) paying all the bills and buying the shopping and petrol etc out of it, and sharing the rest and buying what you want, when you want to buy it (within reason) is the best option imo.

And I'm sorry but women DO do most of the housework and childcare: always have, always will, and men will almost always be the higher earners. People can deny that if they like. It's still true.

Also, I find it a bit disturbing that some people don't know what their spouse/partner earns. And let's face it, it is more often than not women that don't know their partner's income, not the other way around. I just don't know why someone wouldn't know their husband/life partner's earnings. Sounds a bit suspicious to me.

Maybe people wanting separate bank accounts and not being willing to discuss their earnings suggests that someone has something to hide? My husband and I have never had separate bank accounts in our whole marriage, we know what each other brings home, and we just pool our monies together into ONE account and both buy what we want when we want it. We wouldn't have it any other way.

maman

jaylee3 wrote: »

And I'm sorry but women DO do most of the housework and childcare: always have, always will, and men will almost always be the higher earners. People can deny that if they like. It's still true.

I think that's the way it's been traditionally and it will continue provided women are prepared to put up with it! After all most women would love someone to do everything for them wouldn't they, men have no interest in changing the status quo.


For a couple of generations now, women have been educated as well as men so why shouldn't they be high earners. Some women suffer career setbacks after starting a family but with the right support (with housework and childcare) they can overcome that.


I think perhaps it depends on your attitude (i.e. whether you're willing to accept it) and the circles you move in. Many of my friends, I've met through work and because we were doing the same job we were paid the same money (men or women).


It disturbs me that despite the continuing fight for equality some women seem ready to accept the 'housewife' role.:mad:

burnoutbabe

I can't imagine any of my 40something professional circle of friends ever wanting to totallty combine finances with someone. They'd always have their own account and savings etc. Maybe one joint account for bills to come out of but not being in charge of their own finances would be very strange. Or having someone else free access to it.

me and my OH both earn decent whacks so always done 50/50. Even when I decided to give up work and took redundancy. And even when he is not working now and focusing on setting up his own business. Both of us saved up before taking the break to cover it as neither see why the other should "sub" us.

Now I will pay for an expensive holiday this year as I want to go on it and he is not fussed, would be happy with a cheap week away but that's about it.

maman

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I can't imagine any of my 40something professional circle of friends ever wanting to totallty combine finances with someone. They'd always have their own account and savings etc. Maybe one joint account for bills to come out of but not being in charge of their own finances would be very strange. Or having someone else free access to it.

me and my OH both earn decent whacks so always done 50/50. Even when I decided to give up work and took redundancy. And even when he is not working now and focusing on setting up his own business. Both of us saved up before taking the break to cover it as neither see why the other should "sub" us.

Now I will pay for an expensive holiday this year as I want to go on it and he is not fussed, would be happy with a cheap week away but that's about it.

Totally agree. I think that's what I meant by it depends on the circles you move in.

Buzzybee90

maman wrote: »

Totally agree. I think that's what I meant by it depends on the circles you move in.

So basically what you mean is the plebs combine finances whilst the educated remain separate but that's only true in cases you know, it's not in cases I know! It's completely down to personal choice and I don't think it has anything to do with the "circles" people supposedly move in.

74jax

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I can't imagine any of my 40something professional circle of friends ever wanting to totallty combine finances with someone. They'd always have their own account and savings etc. Maybe one joint account for bills to come out of but not being in charge of their own finances would be very strange. Or having someone else free access to it.
.

Maybe it is an 'age' thing. Hubby and I don't have a joint account other than the bills account. I pay in an amount and hubby covers the rest.

He earns earns way more than me, don't know by how much, but we have never pooled money.

Domayne

Personally, I think everything should be 50/50.
My parents have been married for 20+ years and have always done it that way, they even argue over who owes who 10p! lol
Different strokes for different folks but if I was being expected to pay a large amount difference in living costs, then yes, I would expect my partner to pick up the slack in other areas such as the cleaning + cooking.
Saying that the OP's partner should pay more because he earns more AND they should split the household chores 50/50 is ridiculous imo

Anatidaephobia

There is no right or wrong answer. The only thing that matters is that each person in the relationship is completely happy with their arrangement.