Giving Money To Family Members

BitterAndTwisted

I wouldn't just be irritated, I'd be ruddy furious!

If this two grand can be afforded and you refusing to lend it would cause a serious rift between you and your OH, then go ahead and lend it. Not give but lend, and ensure that the terms are clearly laid out and understood.

This is not the last time you are going to be asked by the SIL. You know that, and we all know that too, so what you MUST DO is reach an agreement with your OH just what your response will be the next time he asks. There will be a next time and I'd be willing to bet on it.

Personally, I can't see any reason on God's earth why you or any other family members should be asked to subsidise his extravagant life-style, and he's either Teflon-man with a massive self of entitlement to be asking or he thinks you're all fools to be taken advantage of.

BitterAndTwisted

PennySaving wrote: »

The £2K really is just a slush fund for him to use probably for the next couple of weeks until he gets paid. I do know that he also borrows from other family members and friends who live here in the UK whilst he is overseas. Its almost like payday loan lending but without the extravagant interest rates!

Have any of them been paid back in full and on time? This situation has all the flavour of him having run out of other options.

SergeantSilly

I would show your husband this thread so that he can see how, objectively, others see the situation.

It may be as someone else pointed out that consciously or subconsciously he feels guilt at separating from this child's mother when he was so young. He may be using material things to 'make amends'.

Mojisola

PennySaving wrote: »

My husband's first marriage broke up when his son was 17. (My husband was a young father but had been a great dad to him for those 17 years).

SergeantSilly wrote: »

It may be as someone else pointed out that consciously or subconsciously he feels guilt at separating from this child's mother when he was so young.

17 isn't young - his son was a young man by the time the parents split up.

trevorsminted

This child is his child also as one reply said so why shouldn't he lend him money if he wishes from his own money, when your bio kids are older and ask for money surely you would have no issues with this?. His son was in the picture before you and your 3 kids together and is part of your family!

balletshoes

trevorsminted wrote: »

This child is his child also as one reply said so why shouldn't he lend him money if he wishes from his own money, when your bio kids are older and ask for money surely you would have no issues with this?. His son was in the picture before you and your 3 kids together and is part of your family!

if my adult child blew her entire salary on nothing much, regularly borrowed from others to help support her lavish lifestyle, then asked for thousands from us, her parents, to blow the same way she blew her own money, the answer would more than likely be No from me - even if we hadn't struggled for years to get out of debt and keep the wolves from the door.

trevorsminted

The OP's hubby wants to give his first child some money what is the problem regardless of what it will be spend on this is up to him it is zero to do with her, unless her money of course but she has said it would be his half of the savings, he had a child before her so if he wishes to give him money to set fire to its up to him!

paddy's_mum

Your problem isn't your stepson, it's your husband. He's wanting to give a large sum of hard-earned money to a known squanderer.

I too would feel very resentful about it especially if I had worked as hard as you have to claw the whole family out of debt. You could almost say that it isn't your husband's money to do with as he wishes since it's come as a result of a lot of blood, sweat and tears.

I've no doubt that you would have loved to have a few quid spare to fritter on self-gratification during all those difficult years.

If your husband does indeed give his son the money, I'd go so far as to say that, given your circumstances, there is a peculiar type of disloyalty hidden in there that I would find hard to forgive.

Good luck and I hope it can all be resolved without too much upset. For what it's worth, I don't believe that you are the one being unreasonable.

mortgagenomore_2

Unfortunately when you marry you vow to take on your partners past which is his son, regardless of what the son is to spend it on it is your husbands child as well as your three, but yes difficult one for you after the hard work, maybe the money is to help out his son this is what a parent is about also! Maybe you take your half and put in a bank account in your name!

maman

trevorsminted wrote: »

This child is his child also as one reply said so why shouldn't he lend him money if he wishes from his own money, when your bio kids are older and ask for money surely you would have no issues with this?. His son was in the picture before you and your 3 kids together and is part of your family!

balletshoes wrote: »

if my adult child blew her entire salary on nothing much, regularly borrowed from others to help support her lavish lifestyle, then asked for thousands from us, her parents, to blow the same way she blew her own money, the answer would more than likely be No from me - even if we hadn't struggled for years to get out of debt and keep the wolves from the door.

I think that's because there are two parts to OP's question.


Most people seem to think it unreasonable to give an adult £2000 to fritter away BUT would defend the dad's right to spend his own money as he wishes.


Unfortunately it's OP's relationship that could be affected in all of this as she'll find it hard to forgive her DH for what she sees as an unwise decision over money.