Feel like I want to cry

pandora205

I agree with others who have said if you don't like group occasions don't go. But I know that now and again these are unavoidable.

Op - for those occasions when you find yourself having to make small talk, remember that most people are most interested in themselves. So, the trick is or make a comment such as 'I like your top/watch/car' which usually works as an opening for them to do the talking. You can then interject 'that's interesting' or reflect back 'oh, you got it at the airport', etc.

Another ploy is to ask a rhetorical question, such as 'it's a good spread, isn't it?' 'gosh it's a bit chilly tonight, isn't it' etc. It doesn't matter if the conversation dies... silence is fine!

onomatopoeia99

martin2345uk wrote: »

Thing is I love hanging out in very small groups, people I know well, 2s and 3s etc, but more than that and I just clam up.

You are an introvert, rather than "anti-social". There are a lot of us about. I'd far rather meet up with one or two good friends than go to a dinner party with a dozen people, I'd certainly find far more to say in a small group.

Just be careful about which invitations you accept and ensure your partner asks you first before accepting anything on behalf of both of you.

(If you're interested in personality types have a look into the Myers-Briggs type indicator, it was a revelation for me when an ex-girlfriend introduced me to it and I read the description of the INTP and thought "I could have written this, it is completely about me, I didn't think there was anyone else that felt like this". It explained my self imposed "never go out two nights in a row" rule and why I used to tell a different ex that "people wear me out".)

In_Debt_Bet

martin2345uk wrote: »

My best friends wedding was 2 years ago. I had to go to the hen do as the gay best friend. It was in Brighton and involved, of all things, a hip hop dance class. I think I must have left my body at that point.

I'd say you're stronger than you think you are Martin, if you can get through that evening you can do anything

Bet x

BugglyB

I guess Iw ould say that I'm on the other side of this fence in that I'm an extrovert - love parties, love huge groups of people, love sociallising. However I married a man who is the total opposite of this. He is as you described that you are, and I love him because and in spite of it.

If its really important to me (my birthday party, family wedding etc) he will grin and bear it for my sake. Otherwise, I go to parties alone, and he hangs out with his couple of mates or stays at home (with the cat, funnily enough!). He never stops me going and I never try and make him go.

If people ask me, wheres your husband, I say, oh he doesn't really enjoy parties, its not his thing, but he hopes you have a great birthday! and heres a card from both of us, I've never had a bad reaction to that.

It works well for us.

tea_lover

martin2345uk wrote: »

Thank you all for the kind words and the advice also. I'm feeling a lot better now, I've had a cat cuddle, gorged on malted milk biscuits and watched trash on TV.

Have you tried chocolate malted milks... oh my word they are good!

I'd much rather spend my time at home with my cat... people aren't that great!

ETA: this will cheer you up http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-27507950

aileth

Another one here... I hate going out, and in fact lost a lot of friends over it because my idea of fun wasn't falling around town at 2 a.m. in the morning getting packed between sweaty bodies in clubs (such a loss).

My idea of fun is sat on the sofa watching a favourite movie, playing video games with OH, or watching TV. My 'social' event that I enjoy would be getting a quiet corner in the pub with my family, or having a BBQ with my parents.

My brother-in-laws wedding is next month and I'm dreading it. Not only for the social gathering, but also for the fact that because me and OH are quite introverted we tend to get forgotten about, so we are the only ones who haven't been told about the hotel and now there are no rooms, so OH is having to taxi us around everywhere. Very awkward and I feel sick thinking about it, "Why are you driving?" "We weren't told there was a hotel." Nightmare.

hazyjo

Wrote this once. I guess we all feel like it at times. I've said as much to people and they think I'm talking b*****ks as I come across as involved, funny and chatty. I don't feel like that inside though!!!! I feel like the biggest outsider there.

As pandora says, get them talking about themselves. And definitely have a few standard topics of conversation which you can get onto.

(Hope nobody takes it the wrong way, me posting something I wrote (in around 2005)!)

========================

KING-SIZED OUTSIDERS

Sharp puffs of cigarette smoke are exhaled towards me by the ever-expanding group. Their heads tilt in my direction, but they don't see me. Fags are drawn on heavily, squeezed tight between two fingers then held barely an inch from their pouting mouths in anticipation of the next drag.

Background chatter makes it hard to decipher what they're saying. I wonder if, not when, they'd notice if I were to leave. It's tempting, but I stick with the pretence of being out with the in-crowd. The huddle shuffles to the left a little. Gesticulating arms curtail my inclusion. I kick my bag sideways from between my feet as I attempt to shoulder my way back into the throng.

Another Bacardi Breezer's poured down my throat. Dutch courage. For what, exactly? Feeling worthy? Desirable? I'm not sure. It's been about twenty minutes since I last spoke. And even then, I never finished my sentence.

Daydreams begin as people fight to hog the limelight, engrossed in gossip I'm none the wiser about. Mandy's off again. Legs up to here and tits not down to there. Not since the surgery, anyway. I watch intently, rather than listen, wondering whether Mandy and Warren have started the fling they're so obviously destined for. Their eyes occasionally locking; everyone oblivious to the fact except me.

Dan interrupts with tales of last week's pub session. Funnily enough, an invite never reached me. 'Oh, sorry Kelly, we thought so-and-so had asked you.' Like they noticed I wasn't there. It's as if I'm back at school. Reminiscent of being picked last for games, or wishing I were this invisible when someone was being chosen to read out loud to the class.

Some three hours later and I'm dirty dancing with Simon from Accounts. Music, my saviour. Drowning out conversation. He spins me round as the room dances. Or perhaps it's the other way round.

We're all going home alone tonight. Back to our king-sized beds in suburbia. 'What a laugh we had on Friday,' we'll be saying for the next week. Yes; one big, empty, endless laugh.

Our married friends, so envious. I wish I were you (we both say).

Yorkie1

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

You are an introvert, rather than "anti-social". There are a lot of us about.

(If you're interested in personality types have a look into the Myers-Briggs type indicator, it was a revelation for me when an ex-girlfriend introduced me to it and I read the description of the INTP and thought "I could have written this, it is completely about me, I didn't think there was anyone else that felt like this". It explained my self imposed "never go out two nights in a row" rule and why I used to tell a different ex that "people wear me out".)

Here's a link to a free test which gives a relatively reliable preliminary indicator of type:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp