Feel like I want to cry

marisco_2

martin2345uk wrote: »

Replace wine with beer and you're on :-) partner was quite disappointed in me this time so I hope he'll have thawed out by the time he comes home... Think I will nip to the co op for some comfort supplies xx

He is a bit of a cheeky geezer isn't he. Expressing disappointment in you when he is surely aware, that certain social situations leave you with knots in your stomach. I think you have cause to be more than a bit disappointed in him, and his lack of ability to show you some empathy and understanding.

bagpussbear

Sorry to hear you feel so sad Martin. My advice to you would be that you need to accept yourself for what you are, for the good things and your flaws too.

So you might never be "that guy at parties", well so be it, it's not the end of the world and remember that most other people aren't that guy/girl at parties either, lol.

I'm not great at larger gatherings too, but can 'get by'. One trick is to stick with the ones in the group you like the best. So when you go for that meal soon, just sit with those you feel you can get along with best and don't worry about making big conversation to the whole table.

Hope you have a nice evening in with Derek :-)

susieq87

As a self confessed introvert I understand how you feel. I think the first step is to accept that you don't do well in big gatherings that way you will stop stressing yourself over a situation you can't control. I make it clear to everyone that I don't do well in large groups or gatherings, I tend to just go quiet and go into my own little world and I'm fine with it. I'm sure people find me rude or stand offish but I have accepted that I am not an extrovert. When you're out at parties find one person to talk to, then find someone else. You don't have to be the life of the party but as humans we are social beings so don't miss out on that.

Rev

martin2345uk wrote: »

Yeah that's honestly exactly how it is. There's nothing I like more than that feeling of relief just after I leave somewhere to go home :-/ yes I also stay with my friends in such situations, reason tonight was so hard to go it is that I wouldn't have had any friends there. Got my OH's best friend's birthday meal coming up in 2 weeks. I definitely can't miss that. It's just a meal with 10 adult people I keep telling myself. And his best friend is a genuinely lovely person. Doesn't stop me feeling knots in my stomach though...

It's my best friends wedding in a few months. Whilst I'm made up for her I'm dreading it. I'm maid of honour so have to wear a dress I hate and go to a party with around 200 other people. Not to mention the hen night before hand.


I'm truly dreading it. But she's an amazing friend and deserves to have her wedding however she wants. So for a day I'll grin and bear it and support her however she needs.


But an I looking forward to it? Oh lord now. And I feel guilty as hell for that. It's my best friends special day. I should be really excited!

martin2345uk

Thank you all. It's very comforting to hear about people who feel the same way; at times it can seem like I'm the only one in the world like this!

And weddings... oh god.

My best friends wedding was 2 years ago. I had to go to the hen do as the gay best friend. It was in Brighton and involved, of all things, a hip hop dance class. I think I must have left my body at that point.

marisco_2

martin2345uk wrote: »

I had to go to the hen do as the gay best friend.

Different mind set required. You didn't have to go along. If this person were a real best friend they would have accepted without question if you had said 'Sorry it is not my thing, I would rather not attend'.

Aldeney

I feel exactly the way you do about social situations also I can't talk on the phone or answer the front door without huge amounts of anxiety. I used to feel like a freak, couldn't understand why I am the way I am until a therapist diagnosed me with social anxiety disorder and now all my behaviour makes sense to me.

I'm not saying you have social anxiety but it might be worth looking in to.

Ivana_Tinkle

There's a very good Ted talk about introverts that you may find helpful. You're definitely not alone. I'm not shy or antisocial, but weddings, or pretty much any gathering of more than about 3 people, are my idea of hell.

spidercrab

Martin, you are certainly not alone. I absolutely hate social gatherings, even with people I like. Weddings are the biggest dread for me - I even try and avoid family weddings if possible. My family know and understand that I am anti-social and don't push things now, although there are times when you just have to bite the bullet and tough it out. My ex-husband was very sociable and would go to parties and gatherings on his own rather than miss out completely. Perhaps you should just make an effort with the do's that you really need to go to - have a drink or two beforehand for dutch courage. So sad that you are feeling like this as I have been following your other thread all week about your new cat and you have been so excited. I don't blame you for wanting to stay in with Derek. Cats are definitely better than people! Hope you feel better soon. xx

geri1965_2

You can add me to the list of anti social people as well! I hate going out - I can cope with a meal with family or friends, or a visit to the opera, but a party or a hectic busy pub with nowhere to sit would be my idea of hell.

There are lots of people who feel the same, so you are not unusual at all.