Feel like I want to cry

martin2345uk

I'm anti social. I always have been. I hate social gatherings, absolutely detest them, and dread them for weeks in advance. My OH puts up with me being like but why should he have to? I hate it. I wish I was more outgoing. I'd love to be "that guy" at parties etc. but I'm not, I'm the guy who looks awkward and out of place. We've had a row tonight and he's gone off to a birthday event without me because I got snappy about it which is what I do when I get stressed about these things. Im 31 years old and still feel like an awkward teenager. I don't really know why I'm posting this on here, I'm not sure what advice there is, I just know I'm very sad right now. Thing is I love hanging out in very small groups, people I know well, 2s and 3s etc, but more than that and I just clam up. I went it a birthday thing last weekend and survived, there's another one coming up soon, I just sometimes wish I didn't know anyone which is a terrible thing to say. Don't know what to do I'm just going to try and bond with my new cat tonight now..

littlejaffa

I'm not sure if you're looking for advice on how to be different, more social as you see it, or if you want validation of your current persona.

I'd suggest if you really do want to do something about it you join a local public speaking group - most include being able to talk about random just given topics and other areas, self confidence etc.

On a side note, you like something (familiar groups/smaller gathering) and your partner likes something else (large groups and parties) I do not see that he has to put up with you, any more than you have to put up with him wanting to go to these events. Why not just realise you're different, be ok with him going alone and him be ok with your not going?

Also you say you survived, you will always survive, nothing truly bad will happen to you just because there's a large group, if you want to do it, get help, if you don't, get some personal acceptance. It's 100% ok to just not like big groups.

marisco_2

Surely what is most important here is your happiness. Attendance or not at a party really shouldn't lead to this amount of grief, angst and personal analysing!

If mixing in large social groups isn't your thing then don't do it. Go along to occasions with your partner which you feel comfortable and at ease attending. When functions come up that put you out of your comfort zone, he can go along alone. You are both adults and don't have to live in each others pockets the whole time.

Unwind, relax, stop berating yourself, don't sweat the small stuff, crack open a beer, cuddle up with the cat and watch carp on TV. You are spoilt for choice tonight

martin2345uk

littlejaffa wrote: »

I'm not sure if you're looking for advice on how to be different, more social as you see it, or if you want validation of your current persona.

I'd suggest if you really do want to do something about it you join a local public speaking group - most include being able to talk about random just given topics and other areas, self confidence etc.

On a side note, you like something (familiar groups/smaller gathering) and your partner likes something else (large groups and parties) I do not see that he has to put up with you, any more than you have to put up with him wanting to go to these events. Why not just realise you're different, be ok with him going alone and him be ok with your not going?

Also you say you survived, you will always survive, nothing truly bad will happen to you just because there's a large group, if you want to do it, get help, if you don't, get some personal acceptance. It's 100% ok to just not like big groups.

Thanks.. I guess it's the validation I'm after having read your comments... I just feel guilty is all, and I don't like the thought of his friends !!!!!ing about me not turning up to stuff... but you're right, I do need to get sone personal acceptance - I just wish others would accept it as well... It just seems that sometimes society looks down on people who don't like social situations.
I will endeavour to learn to like how I am.

martin2345uk

marisco wrote: »

Surely what is most important here is your happiness. Attendance or not at a party really shouldn't lead to this amount of grief, angst and personal analysing!

If mixing in large social groups isn't your thing then don't do it. Go along to occasions with your partner which you feel comfortable and at ease attending. When functions come up that put you out of your comfort zone, he can go along alone. You are both adults and don't have to live in each others pockets the whole time.

Unwind, relax, stop berating yourself, don't sweat the small stuff, crack open a beer, cuddle up with the cat and watch carp on TV. You are spoilt for choice tonight

And thank you too. I do tend to over analyse stuff a bit. Though I'm honestly not usually so self pitying... Maybe I'm currently being affected by other factors (job insecurity for one) and it's all just getting to me a bit. Maybe a nice relaxing bath later. x

Rev

I feel your pain. Please don't feel like the only one.

I have three friends. I love hanging out with them. Any more than that and I just get massively stressed. I get anxious and stress about it from the moment I'm invited until I heave a sign of relief as I'm leaving.


I always feel awkward and out of place.


My trick is to stay with my friends. At parties there's usually groups in little corners etc so I stick to my friends. It's not easy. But it makes it manageable.


I know I should be more outgoing and not care but I can't seem to help it. It gets worse the older I get.

marisco_2

martin2345uk wrote: »

I will endeavour to learn to like how I am.

The more you approve of your own decisions in life, the less you feel the need to have them approved or accepted by others. Dare to just be yourself, follow your own intuition, however strange that may feel at first. Don’t compare yourself to others, or get discouraged by their approaches to life. There is much to be said for people independent, and confident enough to want to follow their own path. Ultimately it comes down to you spending your life happily in your own way.

martin2345uk

Rev wrote: »

I feel your pain. Please don't feel like the only one.

I have three friends. I love hanging out with them. Any more than that and I just get massively stressed. I get anxious and stress about it from the moment I'm invited until I heave a sign of relief as I'm leaving.


I always feel awkward and out of place.


My trick is to stay with my friends. At parties there's usually groups in little corners etc so I stick to my friends. It's not easy. But it makes it manageable.


I know I should be more outgoing and not care but I can't seem to help it. It gets worse the older I get.

Yeah that's honestly exactly how it is. There's nothing I like more than that feeling of relief just after I leave somewhere to go home :-/ yes I also stay with my friends in such situations, reason tonight was so hard to go it is that I wouldn't have had any friends there. Got my OH's best friend's birthday meal coming up in 2 weeks. I definitely can't miss that. It's just a meal with 10 adult people I keep telling myself. And his best friend is a genuinely lovely person. Doesn't stop me feeling knots in my stomach though...

[Deleted User]

Hi,

martin2345uk wrote: »

And thank you too. I do tend to over analyse stuff a bit. Though I'm honestly not usually so self pitying... Maybe I'm currently being affected by other factors (job insecurity for one) and it's all just getting to me a bit. Maybe a nice relaxing bath later. x

hey babe, just chill, as said in above post, wee glass of wine, comfort telly, and your wee cat, bliss.

Your partener'll be home later, gibbering and talking nonsense, just give him a cheese toastie and put him to bed.

martin2345uk

[Deleted User] wrote:

Hi,



hey babe, just chill, as said in above post, wee glass of wine, comfort telly, and your wee cat, bliss.

Your partener'll be home later, gibbering and talking nonsense, just give him a cheese toastie and put him to bed.

Replace wine with beer and you're on :-) partner was quite disappointed in me this time so I hope he'll have thawed out by the time he comes home... Think I will nip to the co op for some comfort supplies xx

Tiglath

I send DH out without me - I hate social occasions and simply refuse to go. Why should I spend my free time always doing what someone else wants? You sound perfectly okay to me, Martin.