Where do I start ?

Teacher2

It sounds as if your father, once on top of things, has now lost the mental capacity to deal with his own health and financial affairs. His health both physical and mental seems imperilled by his incapacity and I think that this empowers you to act for him.You are not going to persuade him to act of his own accord from the account of his response to your requests. Therefore, I would suggest that the next stage is to try to exert authority over his affairs. If you could get his permission you could set up an enduring power of attorney but, if he cannot or will not comply, then perhaps you need to enlist medical help to take over his heath and financial affairs. I would investigate your options with legal and mental health experts, perhaps beginning with the Citizen's Advice Bureau. It will be gruelling but you need to do this to help your father.

Gorchard_2

Thanks to both kindlefirebabe & Teacher2.

for anyone following this the current situation is as follows:

1) Dad is still in debt; he has sold his caravan, which will probably net him about £4500 - I have suggested he use this to clear his tow overdrafts (approx £2k) pay the Major O/S bills (approx £500 gas/electic bill + £300ish car loan + £500 dentist bill) - use whatever is left to clear some of one of his C/Card bills.

I think the suggestion may fall on deaf ears... but I can only (at this stage) offer my help.

2) Whilst he was away on yet ANOTHER holiday (fri-Mon, short break at 'Warners' type holiday camp) My wife & I went to his house and CLEANED for 5-hrs solid - managed to basically clean&tidy the Kitchen and bathroom - rest of the house is still a TIP. Left him a Birthday 'hamper' + helium ballon and hand made cards from Grandkids as a 'distraction' so he wasn't furious we let ourselves in to his house.
>> seemed to work - he loved present and did notice (& say thanks) for cleaning. My hope is it spurs him into doing some himself if he see things getting better - sometimes it seems a mountain to climb on your own and you don;t know where to start.

3) Went to Dr's a couple of weeks ago - doctor did re-asses problem with legs/circulation and has recommended/booked additional treatment -> said there was 'No problem' with depression (but this is 'cos Dad HIDES it when he goes to Dr, and makes sure he is chatty.) - I see this as an ongoing project to get the health profession to realise he needs help.

4) spoke to national Debt helpline - whilst they cannot help directly - it needs Dad to call himself - they were happy to talk to me and give '3rd party' general advice. at least now I know what all the options are.

5) Left the MSE 'Mental health/debt guide' with Dad & made him read it. when i saw him a couple of days ago, he HAD read it, ---- still says it's not him... but it may have sown a few seeds.

Finally, Teacher2. You are possibly right & I understand where you're coming from, but I don;t want to be quite so draconian yet and try to totally take over his life. My HOPE is to help/guide/support him and get him to the stage where he can and will take responsibility for his own health & finances.

I may go and talk with CAB, but as yet Dad Won't give me Power of Attorney, and I don't think he's enough of a danger to himself that he could be 'forced' into it. He does manage the 'basics' of life (shopping, cooking, etc) and whilst he has a cavalier attitude to money and seems to be "burying his head in the sand' I don't think he could be found incapable.

Once again, thanks to everyone for their support/help/advise.
ALL of it has helped ME cope, and I thank you all.