Where do I start ?

joedenise

Certainly looks as thought your father really doesn't know where he is with his money. So difficult isn't it?

Has he made an appointment for the Dr yet as he said he would? I still think a lot of his problems stem from depression. It's difficult (impossible?) when you're depressed to see the problems that are right in front of you.

Try not to stress yourself about it. At the end of the day the problem is your father's not yours. Hope that doesn't sound too harsh, it isn't meant to.

Denise

Gorchard_2

Thanks Denise
He has made a Dr appointment - I'm going with him next Wed (28th May) at 9:00am - so good advise there - THX

HE (dad) doesn't think he is depressed - I feel he is, because of his actions. Dad is already on anti-depressant meds + blood thinners for legs/circulation probs... i'm just not sure he's taking them.

With regard to the money problems; Lots of people have mentioned calling Step Change / Citizens advice / etc. As Dad refuses to accept there's a money problem at the moment I don't think I can get him to call or call with him, so will any of these organisations speak to me on my own ?

If I phone them on his behalf, can I get some sort of "Heads-up" on what is isn't possible for him so that when I finally get him to acknowledge the issue I know what to do straight away. => what do you think anyone?

THX again to all you lovely people for your help & guidance - it means a lot to me.

haycorns

You mentioned he is a regular church goer. The church community would be able to help with the loneliness by including him in more activities / groups , but only if they know. Could you go with him one week and have a word with th minister/ vicar, someone friendly.

I would suggest you do Power of Attourney forms when you can. He doesn't need to give you authrity get, but its good to have them all signed and ready.

Well done for giving him your support and recognising he needs help. It must be hard with your own family and job. will he come an stay with you for a bit , or can you all go to the caravan. Kids are great at keeping grandads busy!

Gorchard_2

That's a great suggestion - dunno why I didn't think of it - Doh !:doh: Church is meant to be a supportive community helping others - so it should be an ideal place for support.

Plus... there is a great deal of Self-worth to be had from working in community projects and doing something for others. Will definitely investigate that.

As far as the caravan goes, I've convinced him to sell it as it's such a massive financial drain - approx £2800/yr ground rent which could be better used addressing debts, as well as any capital he gets after the sale; he's Just (today) cleared it out, and he has a potential buyer looking at it tomorrow.
fingers crossed.

Don't have a spare room for him to stay with us... but possibly I DO need to try to make sure he see's my boys more (5 & 8Yrs) as he does LOVE seeing them and they brighten his day a lot.

Cheers

welshchocolatelover

I think he's incredibly lucky to have a child who loves him as much as you obviously do. Sorry, I know that's not much help but I just wanted to say it.

Gorchard_2

Thx Welshchoclvr.
I DO luv my Dad - he was my IDOL when I was younger - which is why its SOOOO hard seing him struggle now.

I'm not that nice - I double-check everything, don't trust things and feel like I'm constantly moaning at him at the moment..... but it *IS* all because I care.

Because of he refuses to accept the money situation I now keep notes of phone conversations and what he's told me;

Is that wrong?
If anyone has suffered depression is it better if someone points out any inconsistencies (lies), and makes you realise you're hiding from things? Is it better to be told the truth, or do you prefer platitudes and ignorance?

(apologies again for getting off the MONEY subject, but I really do feel if I can get dad to ACCEPT there's a problem, only then can I REALLY help him).

joedenise

Only just caught up having been away from the weekend. Glad to see you've managed to persuade to see the Dr again and that you're going with him. It might be worth mentioning to the Dr that you're not sure your dad's prescribed medication is working or he's not taking it regularly. Your dad will probably be upset with you about saying it but the Dr needs to know that the medication isn't really working (or your dad isn't taking it). It may just be that the anti depressants aren't at the right level as they do work once the right anti depressant at the right level is prescribed and Dr's don't always get it right first time.

Hope the Dr's visit goes well.

Denise

Gorchard_2

Thx for the tips Denise.
SURE he won't be happy with me mentioning it, but I think you're right
- will update with how things went.

In the meantime
....
Does anyone know if I phone STEPCHANGE or CITIZENS advice, on Dad's behalf (without him there) - will they speak to me, maybe just with some advice on how to fist start to get a handle on his debt/persuade him there is an issue.

I know its "His" problem - but would it be silly for me to call them with my thoughts/suspicions and could they help me get started resolving things for dad ?

Gorchard_2

Good news (I think)
Dad has SOLD his static caravan - yay!

That has the double effect of
a) removing a £2800/yr commitment for ground rent &
b) Giving him some capital

My WORRY is that he'll now think he's "flush" again and carry on spending, when what he SHOULD do is
i) clear both O/Drafts so that he doesn't start the month nearly overdrawn
ii) use the remainder of the sale to clear ONE of his c/cards.

I just wish I could make him see the problems he's heading towards; its like watching a slow motion car crahs about to happen.

kindlefirebabe

I just wanted to add my support to that of others. You are doing a fantastic job but you can't help your Dad unless you are well yourself. Please make sure that you look after yourself and make sure that you also think about your own family too.

It is very hard to see a parent's mental and physical ability decline. I speak from my own experience. I know that you have been offered lots of excellent support on here and don't have much more to say. But do think that Power of Attourney would be a great asset to you in helping your Dad. But of course his physical and mental health are the main issues here so good luck with the GP visit. It may help you to know that I was successful in discussing my mother's situation with her GP. We kept in regular contact by telephone. I realise that this might not be possible in your Dad's case but it's worth a try. You might be able to have that chat before you actually go with your Dad to his GP so that the Dr is alerted to your concerns.

It might be worth talking to your Dad about his plans for the money he has made from the sale of his caravan and put your thoughts to him if you can. He might not thank you for the suggestions but it might just plant a seed in his mind and make him think.

I wish you all the very best in your efforts. Every Dad should have someone like you. You are so very caring and I hope it all turns out well for you and your Dad.