Why do people take the Mick?

tea_lover

Some people like the drama of having something to moan about. No one makes a mug of you twice unless you let them.

maman

I must admit I had to read OP's post twice to work out where she fitted in the family.


I can understand a parent wanting to treat their children however old they are. DH and I always do this with our grown up girls. It's a way of treating them and freeing up their own cash for things of their choice.


I'm wondering if that's what OP's mum would like to do but can't afford it so OP is subsidising her.


Whatever the reasoning, it's unreasonable! In the restaurant isn't the place to decide what to do. if I was OP I'd say to her mum. 'I really can't afford to keep paying for everyone else's meal so next time we go out I'm only paying my share'. If mum chooses to let siblings know in advance that's her call.


I go out regularly with friends. Mostly we simply split the bill. One friend who's a non-drinker and rarely has a starter will put down a generous amount (so maybe £20 for a £17 bill) and then we split the rest.


So I wouldn't count out my meal to the nearest penny but make sure it covered it with perhaps a contribution to a tip.

hazyjo

Do they all think you're well off or in a better paid job than them?

Do they think you should be treating them?

Was there a time when you paid and they weren't working? Easy to fall into a routine/expect things to stay the same. My nephew is 18 (nearly 19) and my mum (yes, mine/his nan, not my sis!) pays for pretty much everything, including his season ticket! I'm not happy about it. He is at college, but works on days off and weekends and earns quite a lot! I'm sure he'll still expect it when he's at work full time!

Jx

fivetide

PenguinOfDeath wrote: »

When the bill come for the next family meal, pick it up and be the first to say, 'right, I had the soup and steak so mines £30, there you go' and pass the bill to the next person

I wouldn't even bother with that. I'd pass it to your brother and just say "your turn".

*Louise*

CATS wrote: »

I had to change a flight for my brother and ended up paying £140, all I got was a thanks for paying, no offer to pay back.

What did you actually do when the bill for £200+ arrived? Did you just sit quietly, and wait for someone else to suggest how it should be paid but no one did so you felt obligated?
Were they under the impression you had invited them as your guests for some reason? I find it incredible that anyone would go out for a meal expecting one person to pay unless it had been stated beforeand. It's even more incredible that you wouldn't have looked at the bill and said "Well I make that £xx each, here's my share"



It sounds to me that you just stay quiet and let them walk over you....so why would they stop?

CATS wrote: »

I had to change a flight for my brother and ended up paying £140, all I got was a thanks for paying, no offer to pay back.

What did you say to him at that point? Obviously nothing that made him think that wasn't okay.


Your reply could have been: "Haha, nice try - I will send you my account details so you can pay it back into there, thanks"

sedment

Agree with what everyone else has said, its difficult but think its time to make a stand and put your foot down.
Wouldnt let them away with this, if you cant afford to pay for your food, should you be eating out?
Maybe if you still go along but get to the restaurant before everyone else, and request a seperate bill before?
Would anything be said? Probably, they might be family but they are totally taking the p*ss with you. Just take along cash to cover yours and hubby food with no cards.
As for the kid up the road, could you leave earlier or later, and just nip into the car? Or send the kid back up the road to tell his mum you cant do it anymore? She would get a shock to see her kid knocking on the door, ha!!

jess1974

I'm really cross on the op's behalf.....i can''t believe her own family treat her like this....i find these situations really awkward and wouldn't go out for dinner unless i knew the arrangements for paying at the end...there is always someone who wants to take the !!!! !!!

Robisere

Stop being a doormat!
* If your family ask you out again for a meal, say yes if everybody chips in and pays their whack, no if you have to pay once again. That's what my family does and none of us are 'comfortable', but we share everything we can to help each other and we have a 'Bit Of A Do' at every opportunity.

* Borrowers: Carry a small Receipt book, ask them to sign an IOU. That cures it, I know I have done it myself.

Seems to me that you have encouraged selfishness in others, always a mistake.

Flugelhorn

I would go with the idea of taking cash for your own meal and leave the rest for the others to deal with . It is so much easier for them to expect you to pick up the bill when a card appears...

ska_lover

We had something similar happen a few months ago with family, everyone turned up for a meal, but not a single other adult had brought their wallet.

That certainly won't be happening again