Why do people take the Mick?

CATS

So I have woken up a little annoyed today thinking about all the different ways that people take mickey and how that has made me become selfish. I don’t understand if people do it and not realise, or is it the circumstance they are in or they are just being rude.

So few examples:

whenever we would go out with my family, despite all being adults and in work, at the time of paying the bill no one volunteers to chip in and the bill is left to me and sometimes my mum who would say let’s half it. Now my brother is 27 and works, my mum’s fianc! is 50+ and works, my uncle also works and yet it’s always me who ends up paying. We used to go out as a family at least once a month at my mother’s request, but now I have had to say no, as much as I enjoy going out with them, I always end up picking up the bill which can come up to £200+ I am comfortable, but so are the rest so why does it just fall on me to pay. This also annoys my hubby as he always offers to pay half with me, however it still comes out of my household money!

People who borrow money and forget to pay it back. This includes friend and family. I only ever lend money that I am willing to lose, however on the rare occasion that I have borrowed I pay it back straight away. I don’t borrow large amounts, but for example one of the girls at work might say I am popping to the shop, anyone want something? If I have asked for a drink or something and I didn’t have change, the next day I will always ensure I have the 60p to pay back. The amount of times I have lend people money and not had it back means I now don’t ever volunteer to lend. I lent my mum £600 not had it back, I guess this is ok as it is my mum, but an offer to pay back at least? I had to change a flight for my brother and ended up paying £140, all I got was a thanks for paying, no offer to pay back. I stupidly took out a loan for a friend and it has been a struggle to get the money back, luckily almost all has been paid back apart from £80 which he now has conveniently forgotten to pay back. My manager asked me to pay for a taxi and has forgotten to give me the money back. Why do people borrow and then not pay back? Even if it is a £1 you have to pay it back!!!!

One of my neighbours who once asked if I could take her kid to school and I stupidly said yes no problem as he went to my son’s school anyway, this one time turned into everyday, she would wait until my door opened and then rush down, still in her pyjamas and push the kid out the door so I could take him, not only did I have to drop my son off but also hers and then rush to work, whilst she stayed home sleeping. I eventually had to change the times I left the house, I wouldn’t have minded if she had something to do but it annoyed me that it was just because she wanted to sleep longer, she didn’t even work.

Any one else has people who take the mick? Ok rant over

Rachel83

Short answer really, but I'm pretty sure you know the answer anyway, its because you let them!

DUTR

Rachel beat me to it, often a victim becomes so because they allow themselves to be so.
I know what you mean about the meals, with the family now I tell them please do not bother attending if you are not going to put the correct amount in the hat.

Similar with the neighbour thing, one has not opted for the extra cost for a wheelie bin for the green waste, she had asked if she could put some of her grass in the bin, so before answering yes or no, I asked is it a one off or going to be a regular occurance?

PenguinOfDeath

When the bill come for the next family meal, pick it up and be the first to say, 'right, I had the soup and steak so mines £30, there you go' and pass the bill to the next person

*max*

If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got.

Time to learn some assertiveness. The initial awkwardness of saying "no" for once won't be as bad as the constant stewing over and the resentment from feeling wronged time and time again.

System

Why do people take the Mick?

Sheer greed

Hermia

Rachel83 wrote: »

Short answer really, but I'm pretty sure you know the answer anyway, its because you let them!

I couldn't agree more!

OP - why are you allowing these things to happen over and over again?? If I went out to dinner and people refused to pay I would ask the waitress if I could have separate bills and just pay mine. I only lend people small amounts of money and if they didn't pay it back that would be the last time. I NEVER lend large amounts and if someone is in trouble I will find another way to help if I can. It's similar when doing favours for people. I set the boundaries first and if I realise they are all take and never give back I stop doing favours for them. OP you have to realise that the takers of the world can spot an easy target a mile off so you need to toughen up.

hazyjo

Make sure you all put a set amount into a kitty before heading out anywhere. Any change can be held until the next outing if you do it regularly. Pay PER HEAD. And make sure they all overpay. Go with a set menu if you have to.

My ex and I used to go out with his sister, OH and three kids (on adult portions). She'd always say 'shall we just split the bill?' at the end (meaning us and them, 2 way split!). He was too soft/stupid to say no to her.

(ALSO she'd sometimes say to him Aww you can get this, can't you... (cos we worked, no kids, owned our home, and she thought we were better off. We weren't!) I would never have agreed, but he wouldn't have it any other way so I said fine, he paid for all of us out of his account, not joint.

If someone constantly forgets to pay money back, don't lend it. Most things can be paid for with plastic these days - let them use that means, or just say you don't have cash on you. Lie if necessary.

Not okay for anyone (including your mum) to 'borrow' £600 with the intention of not returning it. If she asked for the money - fair enough. As for your brother, I'm lost for words...

NEVER take out a loan for a friend. A friend asked me once to borrow £7,500 for him. OVER SEVEN EFFING GRAND! No, I don't think so. He was pretty unreliable anyway, not in a secure job, and was in debt up to his eyeballs (for several thousand). I said no and he never spoke to me again. Some friend!

I would be sneaking out the back of my house, or going earlier than they expected - not good with confrontation, but agree that's bang out of order.

Jx

Indie_Kid

When I go out with friends, we ask for individual bills. Meaning that I pay for what I've eaten and drunk, which might be less than what one of my friends has had.

TBagpuss

I agree with Rachel - they do it because you let them.

Next time you go out for a meal, take cash (no cards) to cover your own meal and tip. You can either do as as PenguinOf Daeth sauggests, and simply chec your part of the bill and pass it on, or alternatively, when the waiter comes to take the order say brightly "Just to let you know - I'll be paying separately - can you do a separate bill for my order" and leave the others to sort out theirs between them.

Either way, make sure you do not have enough on you to pay for more than your share and tip, so that even if they try to pressure you, you can't cave!

Lending money - don't lend unless you either feel confident that the person will pay back, or the amount is small enough / the person close enough that you are willing to see it as a gift. For the amounts you have loaned and not got back, ask.

For the taxi, just say to your manager - I've been meaning to chack with you about the taxi I paid for for you on [date] can you let me have the cash back, or do you want me to fill in a petty cash form and claim it that way?
For your mum and brother I would suggest something such as "I've been going through my bank statements- I realised you never paid me back the £140 for the flight change / £600 I lent you. I do need the money back, can you let me have it by the end of the week / end of the month.?" And then remind them again. if they say they can't afford it then come back with a proposal - e.g. OK, give me £70 now and £70 next week" of OK - can you set up a standing order to pay £100 a month till it has been repaid"

Of course they are taking advantage, but (at least with your family) it is possible that they believe that you don't want to be paid back because you haven't followed up.

Brighton_belle

The fact you have endless examples of people asking to borrow money from you is weird, let alone never saying anything about getting it back. It does suggest there is a part you are playing in this dynamic and it happens because you allow it to happen.
I can't remember the last time someone asked to borrow money from me.
And as for picking up a £200 bill for everyone's meal???? Why on earth would you do that? Why wouldn't you just have paid for your share and left? And not only did you do it once, you appear to have done it a number of times before refusing to go any more. What stopped you after the first time making it clear the 2nd time who was paying for what before ordering?