Do Sick People WANT to Get Better?

lostinrates

C_Mababejive wrote: »

It depends on the person. There are plenty of people who wallow in real, imagined or faked illness because put simply, they either are not or feel that they are not of any use in wider society should they be deemed fit and healthy.

You see fat people wobbling along, you see people who mysteriously need walking sticks and yet other times they can jump through hopps, you see people clutching their skulls with anxiety and depression, you see people feigning their best limp and listless look with ME.

Now im talking about feigned/faked/imagined sickness here not real proven cases.

They know that being seen as "sick" keeps them comfortable. It pays the rent, it feeds them,it entitles them to so much more,people empathise and sympathise with them,people dont expect and demand of them,people make allowances for them.

Why on earth then would they join the fast track rat race where they would be forced to seek employment most likely doing something totally mundane for minimum wage?

How would you as a layman, tell ' them' from someone like me?

I limp sometimes, not always. I never need a wheel chair now, when I did I sometimes took the liberty of wearing high heeled shoes.

Allowances? Last time I was in London ( for a referral to a specialist) the only two people offered me seats on a crowded tube, despite the fact I had a stick I was using that day.


Some days I work harder than a well, lazy person, other days in can barely move.

How would you tell if I am 'real' or not?

skylight

Not continuing with the discussion, but interjecting with my POV, my ex-OH is certainly someone who does not want to get better. He is currently on DLA and all that goes with it due to his hip; it needs to be replaced (the fight to get them to do this because of his young age was horrendous!). This should have happened several years ago, but a week before the operation (and a few months after we seperated) he cancels the operation and a little while later, tells me that he refused to have it done because if he was fit, he would have to go back to work and pay me CSA. I kid you not. So, several years down the line, he is still virtually unable to walk, still requires a new hip and still refuses to have it done. He still is able to claims ESA/DLA etc because of his condition. (I know he cancelled it as the letter came to the house we shared as he hadn't changed his address either).
I have no sympathy!!

Of course, I do think he is an exception to the rule - I have other friends with dodgy hip/knees/fibro/mental health issues etc who would give their back teeth not to have the conditions they have.

Mojisola

Cloudydaze wrote: »

It is a bizarre question to ask but after watching my lovely active, athletic, energetic friend get struck down with ME, I often got the feeling that she took on the role of 'the sick person' far too easily.

It didn't help that she moved back in with her parents who wrapped her up in cotton wool. I know it sounds that I'm lacking understanding and compassion but it was so frustrating watching someone who was once so full of life essentially give up.

In contrast, a guy I used to work with became a paraplegic after a freak accident. He is a complete inspiration and refuses to accept his fate and is fighting all the way to make the best of what he has. He refuses to let his limitations stop him.

Cloudydaze wrote: »

I didn't say she wasn't fighting it. I used "Fighting" to describe my ex-colleague after his accident.

You said that she gave up and took on the role of 'the sick person' and said in contrast to your ex-colleague which means you don't think she was fighting it.

Anoneemoose

I have CFS/Fibro, IBS, PCOS and (sometimes debilitating) OCD. I haven't mentioned my OCD much on here before but I am going through a really rough patch at the moment.

I have worked all my life since my first paper round at 13! I have received tax credits off and on along the way when allowed towards child care costs but other than that have earned myself.

I would honestly give my right arm if it meant I could wake up one day and be free of pain and worry....

Tink2

I would give anything to be fully functioning

lostinrates

Mojisola wrote: »

You said that she gave up and took on the role of 'the sick person' and said in contrast to your ex-colleague which means you don't think she was fighting it.

Bing unwell doesn't make us saints or without personality flaws. We remain normal people who can be susceptible to not behaving perfectly or in our own interests.

I have caught DH trying to make my life 'too' easy and found myself taking it happily before catching on what's happening and stopping.

Its quite possible for someone who is willing to be 'over cosseted' to get a debilitating illness I think, and to 'take on the role of the sick person'. We have personality flaws we had when well, and sometimes being cared for when necessarily fosters some of them well in some people I think.

I have no idea if this friend was doing her best to get well but I think that the issue is fair to raise. I don't really see why cloudy daze getting such a hard time.

lostinrates

Anoneemoose wrote: »

I have CFS/Fibro, IBS, PCOS and (sometimes debilitating) OCD. I haven't mentioned my OCD much on here before but I am going through a really rough patch at the moment.

I have worked all my life since my first paper round at 13! I have received tax credits off and on along the way when allowed towards child care costs but other than that have earned myself.

I would honestly give my right arm if it meant I could wake up one day and be free of pain and worry....

I hope your rough patch passes soon.

I think everyone has worry. Its unfortunate for some of us it comes with pain and health problems. I genuinely believe his situation is worse for my DH than for me. A lot of burden has fallen on him. Although I wish very strongly we had been parents I also feel relief that there is no impact of my health on young people's lives.

Even in homes where there is no chronic health issue, people worry:( I don't think for the majority there is a 'worry free' situation even if they don't have a burden of poor health.

Anoneemoose

lostinrates wrote: »

I hope your rough patch passes soon.

I think everyone has worry. Its unfortunate for some of us it comes with pain and health problems. I genuinely believe his situation is worse for my DH than for me. A lot of burden has fallen on him. Although I wish very strongly we had been parents I also feel relief that there is no impact of my health on young people's lives.

Even in homes where there is no chronic health issue, people worry:( I don't think for the majority there is a 'worry free' situation even if they don't have a burden of poor health.

Thank you!

My OCD means I often live in a state of 'severe fear' but I do know what you mean. I just meant I wish I could be free of the horrific fear that comes with OCD.

But a worry free life would be good...but then I'd only worry I had nothing to worry about!!! :rotfl:

StrongWork

DomRavioli wrote: »

It is a bloody strange question.

I'd rather have feeling back in parts of my body that have lost it - which in turn caused depression for a while; given the circumstances both my clinicians and myself thought I dealt pretty well with it.

The OP is obviously a troll.

Actually, not that strange a question tbh (and I don't think the OP is a troll).

There are many documented benefits for one taking on the 'sick role'.

They may be monetary in value (ESA vs JSA/signed off work) but also the feelings of attention, caring from other individuals and support.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sick_role

Torry_Quine

Mojisola wrote: »

So by giving her body time to heal she is making progress and is getting better - she obviously understands ME a lot better than you do.

I agree. Having had ME for many years I know how debilitating it can be and it is not a good idea to overdo things as it can push you back.

I can't even remember what it feels like to not be ill and would love to wake from a restful sleep and get up and have a normal day. As it is I have to carefully plan everything and rest accordingly.