Do Sick People WANT to Get Better?

Cloudydaze

Mojisola wrote: »

So by giving her body time to heal she is making progress and is getting better - she obviously understands ME a lot better than you do.

I'm in no doubt that she does. I doubt anyone can truly understand an illness, unless they have experienced it themselves.


I only ever wanted her to get better.

Mojisola

Cloudydaze wrote: »

It is a bizarre question to ask but after watching my lovely active, athletic, energetic friend get struck down with ME, I often got the feeling that she took on the role of 'the sick person' far too easily.

It didn't help that she moved back in with her parents who wrapped her up in cotton wool. I know it sounds that I'm lacking understanding and compassion but it was so frustrating watching someone who was once so full of life essentially give up.

Cloudydaze wrote: »

I'm in no doubt that she does. I doubt anyone can truly understand an illness, unless they have experienced it themselves.

I only ever wanted her to get better.

And yet you talk of her "giving up" and "taking on the role of a sick person"?

I expect she wanted to get better too and was following the best advice about how to do so while you saw her as "not fighting".

Cloudydaze

Mojisola wrote: »

And yet you talk of her "giving up" and "taking on the role of a sick person"?

I expect she wanted to get better too and was following the best advice about how to do so while you saw her as "not fighting".

I don't think any of the things I have written are contradictory.


I didn't say she wasn't fighting it. I used "Fighting" to describe my ex-colleague after his accident.

Indie_Kid

Why do I get the impression that cloudydaze thinks they're an expert on their friends illness?

lostinrates

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Why do I get the impression that cloudydaze thinks they're an expert on their friends illness?

I think that's unfair.


She might not be an expert in ME but she is going to be pretty knowledgeable about her friend.

IMO the kind Of defensiveness sufferers of in visible illnesses ( I include me) show often makes the situation harder for sufferers. Of course people are confused by things like ME, many doctors still are!

When people cannot talk a bout invisible illnesses there are several things that can go wrong.

Firstly, some up genuine people 'get through' and take from the pot that genuinely suffering people need to rely on. Secondly, doubt creeps in, because people don't understand.

If we have enough energy and strength to snap we're better using that energy to explain, or try to.

Cloudy daze writes as someone who has been concerned for a friend. Many long term sufferers of illness lose friends as life goes on for people around them. She (?) sounds like a good friend that she is still about and supporting.

Cloudydaze

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Why do I get the impression that cloudydaze thinks they're an expert on their friends illness?

What on earth have I said that has given that impression?!!!

Cloudydaze

lostinrates wrote: »

I think that's unfair.


She might not be an expert in ME but she is going to be pretty knowledgeable about her friend.

IMO the kind Of defensiveness sufferers of in visible illnesses ( I include me) show often makes the situation harder for sufferers. Of course people are confused by things like ME, many doctors still are!

When people cannot talk a bout invisible illnesses there are several things that can go wrong.

Firstly, some up genuine people 'get through' and take from the pot that genuinely suffering people need to rely on. Secondly, doubt creeps in, because people don't understand.

If we have enough energy and strength to snap we're better using that energy to explain, or try to.

Cloudy daze writes as someone who has been concerned for a friend. Many long term sufferers of illness lose friends as life goes on for people around them. She (?) sounds like a good friend that she is still about and supporting.

Thanks. I'm glad someone understands where I'm coming from!!

janiebquick

lostinrates wrote: »

Forgive me I want to interject. Some of the myriad of conditions I have are very rare, and the forums are international rather than national. This inevitably means those from countries with a welfare state like ours are less in number.

The same thing happens exactly in America and other places where support is seen as lesser.

Please forgive me if I've read this wrong, what you seem to be saying is that there are individuals in the US who make being ill their profession, despite the fact that the US is no welfare state.

I have several online friends in the US, including a couple who I consider are 'professionally' unwell. It appears that there are any number of charities in the US who help the professionally unwell remain that way provided, of course, that the people they help are deemed worthy of help and promote the cause. The fact that these charities exist at all makes me very uneasy.

C_Mababejive

It depends on the person. There are plenty of people who wallow in real, imagined or faked illness because put simply, they either are not or feel that they are not of any use in wider society should they be deemed fit and healthy.

You see fat people wobbling along, you see people who mysteriously need walking sticks and yet other times they can jump through hopps, you see people clutching their skulls with anxiety and depression, you see people feigning their best limp and listless look with ME.

Now im talking about feigned/faked/imagined sickness here not real proven cases.

They know that being seen as "sick" keeps them comfortable. It pays the rent, it feeds them,it entitles them to so much more,people empathise and sympathise with them,people dont expect and demand of them,people make allowances for them.

Why on earth then would they join the fast track rat race where they would be forced to seek employment most likely doing something totally mundane for minimum wage?

lostinrates

janiebquick wrote: »

Please forgive me if I've read this wrong, what you seem to be saying is that there are individuals in the US who make being ill their profession, despite the fact that the US is no welfare state.

I have several online friends in the US, including a couple who I consider are 'professionally' unwell. It appears that there are any number of charities in the US who help the professionally unwell remain that way provided, of course, that the people they help are deemed worthy of help and promote the cause. The fact that these charities exist at all makes me very uneasy.

I wouldn't go so far as to say professionally ill. I don't know these people. I do know that there mindsets seem different to how mine usually is.


And I mentioned the US because its where people think of, but these are international forums. My guess is those who struggle to support themselves don't get in line because.......they cannot afford it.

My feeling is, that for those that need 'a little slack' there is no option usually. There is nothing ( which is what I take and get still, for now) or there is everything. I'd like the option to be, say, it understood I cannot always earn, so I get some acknowledge ment in this in 'stamp' or tax relief, and that for those of us who can do stuff sometimes and have access to work than can be picked up And put down to have this reflected but not cost the state the support of 'keeping us' full time.