Single motherhood - adoption or donor

barbiedoll

OP, have you considered fostering? Adoption is "final" and as you said, the chances of getting a young baby are slim. Fostering would enable you to care for children of different ages, including babies, and it would give you an idea of what being a parent is really like, especially if you are single. A friend of mine did this after she was widowed at a fairly young age and she says that it is the most rewarding thing that she has ever done.

I too, was bought up in a single parent household and while I don't think that my siblings and I really missed out on anything, I can't say the same for my poor mum. When I look back, I realise just how much she sacrificed for us, including her social (and love) life. It's not a choice to make lightly, and I think that most single parents would agree.

Yorkie1

I know of someone who was a few years older than you, had never met the right chap, having a child was very important to her, and she decided to go the IVF route because of the reduced success rate of IUI. No known fertility problems and she conceived on her first cycle.

She did find some aspects of single parenting difficult, but was prepared for them and came through them.

Edit: I believe all donors now have to consent to being contacted by the children when they are old enough to do so (18??) - anonymous donors are no longer part of the practices of official IVF type clinics, so at least the ability for a child to get in touch with their biological father is no longer an issue as such.

littlejaffa

You might find adoption agency's frown on the idea that you'd go back to work and be a single mum, the combination isn't ideal - it's a part time parent.
Given that you are only 35, personally i'd suggest having some eggs frozen and sitting tight for a few years, you never know what's round the corner and you could easily meet someone in the coming few years that changes your entire world.
Frozen eggs would give you the best chance in later years, perhaps review when your 38/39?

pinkladyof66

tea_lover wrote: »

£8000?? Wow, I paid just under £4k, including drugs.

Yes i paid £3300

lilmissreading

barbiedoll wrote: »

OP, have you considered fostering? Adoption is "final" and as you said, the chances of getting a young baby are slim. Fostering would enable you to care for children of different ages, including babies, and it would give you an idea of what being a parent is really like, especially if you are single. A friend of mine did this after she was widowed at a fairly young age and she says that it is the most rewarding thing that she has ever done.

I haven't fostered but did look into it when I was in a similar situation as yourself OP. There were a number of choices including respite care where you can help out once a week or so with kids (normally with a disability of some kind). I felt unconfident about single parenting and hoped this would give me an idea of whether I could be unselfish to someone else's child without the full on commitment of full time fostering/adoption/pregnancy.

Good luck with whatever you decide

whitewing

I agree with freezing some eggs, time is still on your side. I also think there is still time for you to meet someone.

I think adoption would probably prepare you very well for parenthood because the process is so stringent. I was watching the excellent ITV series recently and it really does make a difference to the children.

I found single parenthood hard and I am really uncomfortable with the idea of deliberately bringing a fatherless child into the world.

I also have to say that I would not be impressed if I had got involved with someone who had been a sperm donor previously (as in actual sperm doning as opposed using it as a term for an absent father).

Seanymph

You also have to look 'beyond' the adoption or arrival of the baby.

As a single parent you then face all sorts of potential issues in your next relationship, or the one after.

You are not that old - your life is no doubt unfolding as it should, and tiddlywinks makes good points.

You don't have a right to a child. It's not an accessory.

The rights of the child should, surely, be paramount.

If you get into another relationship (which you will sooner or later) then with your drive for children obviously that would be on the cards and I'm sure you'd be a super mum.

But 'acquiring' a child because you 'feel old'.

It doesn't sit with me, sorry - I'd read before, and hadn't put an opinion, because obviously you aren't looking for dissenters, but I do think it's important.