Bit of a rant - A quiet engagement?!?!

burnoutbabe

I suppose from the POV of family harmony, I'd probably avoid if possible announcing my engagement right after my sister did. I'd wait a few months (unless we had to marry quickly for some reason) to then announce it, to let her have whatever thunder she wanted for a bit.

hazyjo

Gawd, each to their own I suppose, but like PasturesNew, I'd be suspicious/cynical and would wonder what he'd done that my family knew about - or that he was confused (or had someone else on the go! Sorry!).

I was with someone for 7 years once who didn't really seem to want to commit. We eventually got engaged but only cos his mate did. I left him not long after as it didn't feel right. I felt like everything was out of duty/expectation rather than cos he was head over heels about me. Took the engagement for the reality to hit home.

Are all his family together? Is there something worrying him such as putting divorced parents together at a wedding/engagement do? Has he been engaged before?

Good luck.

Jx

Make-it-3

Have a discussion, not a rant here. Only you know how the conversation went. Do you think he felt pressured in anyway into planning an engagement? Is that why he doesn't want to announce it so he can back out if/when he gets cold feet?

Plenty of people do nothing apart from telling there family/friends "we're engaged" and then when asked about a date to marry you can be suitably vague with "haven't thought about it yet" "we're not in any rush" statements if family/friends seize on it to start planning.

Then once the fuss has died down you can go ahead and plan TOGETHER the low-key wedding or secret wedding you BOTH want.

sterl1ng

Thanks folks for lending me you're ears . We did have a chat and he's fine to tell folks I think cause the way his sister went about it he felt was abot ott. Anyhoo, who know show I feel IF an engagement happens. One things for sure, there is no way I'm forking out ridiculous amounts of money for one day!

Emmylou_2

Person_one wrote: »

First of all, an 'engagement' is just the period of time between you both agreeing that you're going to marry each other and actually getting married. It sounds like you've both agreed you're going to marry, so really you're already engaged.

Rings, proposals, engagement parties, stag and hen dos, none of this is compulsory. Its perfectly possible to agree that you're going to marry each other, tell the people you want to tell, and then just carry on with your normal life. What does he think will happen that will be so terrible if you tell your family, who you clearly love, that you are getting married?

Hubby and I got engaged following an argument about this. We were on holiday, last night, having a lovely meal and he said that he loved me and that he couldn't imagine being without me and knew that we were going to get married...but he didn't want to be engaged. I said that if we both knew we were going to get married (I knew Very Early On that he was The One) then why didn't we just do it. Much back and forth happened and then I rang my Best Mate and said "My Fiance and I..." and she screamed and I screamed and then we started behaving like human beings again.

We did have a relatively big wedding - I gave him several options:

1. BWW (actually, I wore red, but that's neither here nor there) with lots of friends and family
2. Go abroad and do it
3. Very Quiet Wedding (midweek, register office, just immediate families)

The proviso being that if it was 1 or 2, then I'd wait a year longer than if it was 3.

We went for option 1. We're only planning on doing this once, and I had the venue of my dreams (when we went to look round, I almost melted into a puddle of goo when I saw the room where we would have our wedding breakfast). It was a MS wedding though; my dress was £180 (including alterations), the fruit cake came from Asda, we didn't have a dessert course (we had a 7 tier cake of different cheeses) per se, I did the Save-The-Date cards and invitations myself.

Hubby says now that if he had realised it would be so low-stress (for him, apart from losing both his Best People in the week of the wedding for various reasons, he did Very Little in terms of planning) he would have been much more on-board. He, apparently, very likes being married.

Could it be that he doesn't actually want to get engaged or have a "wedding", he just wants to be married?

jumpingjackd

I would be horrified if one of my children got engaged or married and said nothing. A quiet wedding and not having a big expenditure I can understand though.
Think you would be well within your rights to feel sad, especially in years to come when you look back

Jackie132

Besides having a quiet engagement, you can celebrate it with your some friends & some members of the family.

duchy

Sounds like the sisters engagement was a three ring circus and he wanted to avoid all that..... Can't say I blame him. I have a ring but that's it no party, no fuss it's us who are engaged not our families or friends.