Bit of a rant - A quiet engagement?!?!

CH27

There's a big difference between low key & secret IMO.

You need to ask him to explain his feelings properly & he needs to listen to your feelings too.

Person_one

First of all, an 'engagement' is just the period of time between you both agreeing that you're going to marry each other and actually getting married. It sounds like you've both agreed you're going to marry, so really you're already engaged.

Rings, proposals, engagement parties, stag and hen dos, none of this is compulsory. Its perfectly possible to agree that you're going to marry each other, tell the people you want to tell, and then just carry on with your normal life. What does he think will happen that will be so terrible if you tell your family, who you clearly love, that you are getting married?

BigAunty

Person_one wrote: »

What does he think will happen that will be so terrible if you tell your family, who you clearly love, that you are getting married?

Yeah, what is he actually worried about when it comes to your family finding out your plans to marry?

Is he particularly shy? Does he think they will try to persuade you to decline his proposal or interfere in the wedding plans?

And, (forgive me for asking, the context is that this forum currently carries many threads from relationships where one partner is particularly stingy), is there any possibility he fears the expense of a wedding, sees it as a wasteful extravagance or similar, for any reason?

fabforty

Can't you just tell him how you feel? Far more effective than 'a bit of a rant' - even if it does make you feel a little better in the short run [smiling Smilie].

Brighton_belle

tillyenna wrote: »

I hate to say it, but if he really is The One, then surely the wedding shouldn't matter at all - it's the marriage that is important.

Can't agree with this - yes the marriage is what is the utterly important, but to me I needed to share my actually wedding as something joyful and worth celebrating with those I loved who loved me. And yes, we did have a small low key and short wedding/reception (3 hrs start to finish) so I am not talking a full blown shenanigans.
Skulking away in secrecy with no one else there but 2 witnesses would have been a sad way to start our married life for me and it would have mattered very much.

AnnieO1234

We got engaged quite fast from meeting but stayed engaged for almost a decade. When we finally came to an opportunity to marry, we decided (partly because of my own neurosis about having everything "perfect") that it would be best to have a small wedding. People knew we were engaged, although we didn't bother with a party - had more important things to spend money on - and as the years went on most people assumed we were and we referred to each other as husband and wife.

Another big reason for a smaller wedding was that we weren't in the position to need "gifts", it wasn't about kitting out our home as some people do, and when we sat down to write a guest list we quickly realised that we'd end up with easily 300 plus people there not including family or work!

I'm trying to illustrate that there's nothing wrong with either way of doing things. Perhaps your OH wants to keep it quiet so as not to steal the limelight from his sister. Certainly my DH had a close friend (at the time) who got extremely p'd off that we were engaged just a few months after her own announcement.

Xx

sterl1ng

Hi just to be clear we are not engaged as he hasn't asked me, but if he did sounds like its low key, which fine with as don't want fuss but be nice to tell folks.

Person_one

sterl1ng wrote: »

Hi just to be clear we are not engaged as he hasn't asked me, but if he did sounds like its low key, which fine with as don't want fuss but be nice to tell folks.

But it sounds as though you both agree that you are going to get married to each other and discussed it at length?

PlymouthMaid

Keeping your engagement secret is weird but everything else is entirely optional.

bagpussbear

Your boyfriend doesn't want a quiet engagement, he wants a silent engagement, lol!

Seriously though, you need to let him know that's not entirely what you want. It is one of life's special moments, and whilst you don't need to go overboard, it sounds like you would like a little fuss (sorry if that's the wrong word) to make it special for you.

Talk to him, and I am sure you can reach a compromise :-)