Graduation - Did you go?

Morninglight

Hi StudentUk1,

I empathise, I finished a doctorate last year and didn't go to the graduation, but it was a hard decision. Like you, I hated every minute of uni, didn't 'click' with the people on the course and struggled with financial hardship, stress and so on. Although I passed, it was almost a year later than expected due to having to take on extra work to keep financially stable. I didn't relish the thought of celebrating all of that and I think it would have caused me further stress when I was actually managing to move on from it (having finished some months before the ceremony).

They did, however, have an opportunity a month of so before the ceremony where people who couldn't (or didn't want to) go could put on the gowns and get a professional photo done without all of the rest of the hoo-ha. Many universities do this, so it might be worth checking out with yours - speak to the ceremonies dept or student services to check on this. That way your parents get a photo to hang on the wall and you don’t have to suffer the ceremony.


Good luck with your post uni life :-)
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Lily-Rose_3

Cottage_Economy wrote: »

No parental support, financial or emotional. 35 hours of lectures a week plus extra 5 hours of additional revision lectures, 2-5 hours of lab work a week, 2 subject tests a week, supporting myself with 2 jobs, one at a nightclub 4 days a week, and one a saturday day job with nightclub shift in the evening. Extra work picked up on sundays sometimes at the local leisure centre cleaning the pools.

It was a struggle. I was always tired, always very short of money, and very rarely went out with friends because I was either the one serving them behind the bar or I had a shift to get to and couldn't turn up after drinking or I was studying for a test. During the summers I volunteered at one of the university's labs during the day as well to get extra experience so didn't get to work full time and earn enough to pull ahead.

Broke up with a boyfriend in my second year who turned out to be the most unsupportive !!!!less !!!!!! who made my life difficult. Got lots of money from his parents, !!!!ed it all up the wall and failed his first year twice then tried to sabotage me by wanting me to go back to his hometown with him as it was all a waste of time and we didn't need a degree to get jobs.

I sit and laugh along with other people who talk about how great it all was getting lashed every night, but the reality is it's a lie. I never did.

Wouldn't change it though. I learnt what I was capable of, as well as how to withstand and then ignore people's criticism and achieve a goal.

I am very sorry to hear this CE. My daughter (most of the way through her first year,) seems to be enjoying it immensely and making lots of pals, and doesn't seem to be missing home too much! Although she does ring us for a chat at least once a week, and says she does miss us and the cats!

Good thing is, that we have not yet gone more than 6 weeks without seeing her, as she started mid September, then came home early November to visit, and then Christmas, and then late February, and then we visited HER in April, and then she came home with us for Easter, and then she went back after Easter in early May, and then she is home for summer in late June.

If she had gone abroad for example, and we had not seen her since last September, that would have been hard for us - and her I think. Her uni is quite far away (250-260 miles; about 5 hours drive minimum, and that is on a good straight run,) and about 90 to 100 quid in petrol, (round trip,) and it is hard to drive there and back in one day, so we usually have to pay for accommodation overnight. So it's a bit hard and expensive to visit, but it's not the other side of the world, and we could if we had to. And she gets a third off her train fare with her railcard if she wants to come home (and we give her half towards it anyway.) She has come home more times than we have gone to her, for obvious reasons; it's cheaper and more practical.

We haven't been able to support her financially because we are poor, but she has got grants and bursaries and has a 10 hour a week job that she really enjoys. So financially she is OK. We have given her the odd 50 quid 3 or 4 times when she is running short, and we send 'care packages' full of goodies every month or so (we've just sent the 6th one since she started in mid September,) and we chat on the phone or on skype twice a week, and tweet and text in between.

So even though we don't financially support her very well (because we can't; ) we do emotionally support her, and as I said, she is OK because she gets lots of help. She has spoken though, about several of her pals whose parents are on £45K plus a year and they get NO grants or bursaries, and the parents won't help them. They say it's 'not their place to support their adult child's life choices.' (Student Finance seem to think it is though!) So the students are working 30+ hours a week and always tired, and they struggle somewhat. Sounds a bit like your story.

I was under the assumption from what many have said, (and from what my daughter says,) that uni is a 24-hour a day ball!

Seems this isn't necessarily the case for many. I am sad to hear that, and I hope my daughter IS having the great time that she says, and isn't just saying that to make us feel better.

I am quite saddened and surprised to hear how many people on here DID have a miserable time at uni, and as I said, I hope my daughter is having the good time she says she is, and isn't secretly unhappy.

clairec79

Lily-Rose wrote: »

And to the people who didn't go the the graduation ceremony: why didn't you?

Because I didn't see the point, I got a degree because it was the way to get the job I wanted, if there was a way without the degree I'd have considered that.

I don't feel it was a major achievement, I always knew I was capable of doing a degree academically so it wasn't a surprise, even though I was the first in my family to do so, considering starting my masters next year (mainly as manager is setting me up for it), if I do I doubt I'd go to that graduation either.

I also hate being the centre of attention and it feels kind of false to me, if you enjoy it and want to go but using peer pressure to force people into going when they say they don't want to is wrong. Not every one will regret not going.

Lily-Rose_3

clairec79 wrote: »

Because I didn't see the point, I got a degree because it was the way to get the job I wanted, if there was a way without the degree I'd have considered that.

I don't feel it was a major achievement, I always knew I was capable of doing a degree academically so it wasn't a surprise, even though I was the first in my family to do so, considering starting my masters next year (mainly as manager is setting me up for it), if I do I doubt I'd go to that graduation either.

I also hate being the centre of attention and it feels kind of false to me, if you enjoy it and want to go but using peer pressure to force people into going when they say they don't want to is wrong. Not every one will regret not going.

Thanks for sharing Claire. Glad you got your degree anyway. Well done.

h15t0r1an

:A

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I am very sorry to hear this CE. My daughter (most of the way through her first year,) seems to be enjoying it immensely and making lots of pals, and doesn't seem to be missing home too much! Although she does ring us for a chat at least once a week, and says she does miss us and the cats!

Good thing is, that we have not yet gone more than 6 weeks without seeing her, as she started mid September, then came home early November to visit, and then Christmas, and then late February, and then we visited HER in April, and then she came home with us for Easter, and then she went back after Easter in early May, and then she is home for summer in late June.

If she had gone abroad for example, and we had not seen her since last September, that would have been hard for us - and her I think. Her uni is quite far away (250-260 miles; about 5 hours drive minimum, and that is on a good straight run,) and about 90 to 100 quid in petrol, (round trip,) and it is hard to drive there and back in one day, so we usually have to pay for accommodation overnight. So it's a bit hard and expensive to visit, but it's not the other side of the world, and we could if we had to. And she gets a third off her train fare with her railcard if she wants to come home (and we give her half towards it anyway.) She has come home more times than we have gone to her, for obvious reasons; it's cheaper and more practical.

We haven't been able to support her financially because we are poor, but she has got grants and bursaries and has a 10 hour a week job that she really enjoys. So financially she is OK. We have given her the odd 50 quid 3 or 4 times when she is running short, and we send 'care packages' full of goodies every month or so (we've just sent the 6th one since she started in mid September,) and we chat on the phone or on skype twice a week, and tweet and text in between.

So even though we don't financially support her very well (because we can't; ) we do emotionally support her, and as I said, she is OK because she gets lots of help. She has spoken though, about several of her pals whose parents are on £45K plus a year and they get NO grants or bursaries, and the parents won't help them. They say it's 'not their place to support their adult child's life choices.' (Student Finance seem to think it is though!) So the students are working 30+ hours a week and always tired, and they struggle somewhat. Sounds a bit like your story.

I was under the assumption from what many have said, (and from what my daughter says,) that uni is a 24-hour a day ball!

Seems this isn't necessarily the case for many. I am sad to hear that, and I hope my daughter IS having the great time that she says, and isn't just saying that to make us feel better.

I am quite saddened and surprised to hear how many people on here DID have a miserable time at uni, and as I said, I hope my daughter is having the good time she says she is, and isn't secretly unhappy.

It sounds like your daughter is luckier than some of her friends, as she has from you what is worth much more than money.

Ettenna

I am definitely attending my graduation ceremony!! I don't graduate until September this year (nursing) so our ceremony is in December. I am a very mature student and have divorced since starting my degree. I will ask two of my children if they want to attend. My other child had a car accident nearly two years ago and has severe brain damage as a result. I will see if she is fit enough for the nursing staff to bring her as well. It may be that my girls bring their boys and sit in the televised part and I ask my parents to come along.

I am expecting a 2:1 but may creep into a First if I'm lucky. But a 2:2 is fantastic as far as I'm concerned. I don't want to go on to do anymore study

We have our badge ceremony in September, just before we all leave.

Torry_Quine

Ettenna wrote: »

I am definitely attending my graduation ceremony!! I don't graduate until September this year (nursing) so our ceremony is in December. I am a very mature student and have divorced since starting my degree. I will ask two of my children if they want to attend. My other child had a car accident nearly two years ago and has severe brain damage as a result. I will see if she is fit enough for the nursing staff to bring her as well. It may be that my girls bring their boys and sit in the televised part and I ask my parents to come along.

I am expecting a 2:1 but may creep into a First if I'm lucky. But a 2:2 is fantastic as far as I'm concerned. I don't want to go on to do anymore study

We have our badge ceremony in September, just before we all leave.

You've done really well coping with studies through all that's been going on. :A

Interesting that you still have a badge ceremony, that's all you had when I qualified.

Cottage_Economy

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I am very sorry to hear this CE. My daughter (most of the way through her first year,) seems to be enjoying it immensely and making lots of pals, and doesn't seem to be missing home too much! Although she does ring us for a chat at least once a week, and says she does miss us and the cats!

Good thing is, that we have not yet gone more than 6 weeks without seeing her, as she started mid September, then came home early November to visit, and then Christmas, and then late February, and then we visited HER in April, and then she came home with us for Easter, and then she went back after Easter in early May, and then she is home for summer in late June.

If she had gone abroad for example, and we had not seen her since last September, that would have been hard for us - and her I think. Her uni is quite far away (250-260 miles; about 5 hours drive minimum, and that is on a good straight run,) and about 90 to 100 quid in petrol, (round trip,) and it is hard to drive there and back in one day, so we usually have to pay for accommodation overnight. So it's a bit hard and expensive to visit, but it's not the other side of the world, and we could if we had to. And she gets a third off her train fare with her railcard if she wants to come home (and we give her half towards it anyway.) She has come home more times than we have gone to her, for obvious reasons; it's cheaper and more practical.

We haven't been able to support her financially because we are poor, but she has got grants and bursaries and has a 10 hour a week job that she really enjoys. So financially she is OK. We have given her the odd 50 quid 3 or 4 times when she is running short, and we send 'care packages' full of goodies every month or so (we've just sent the 6th one since she started in mid September,) and we chat on the phone or on skype twice a week, and tweet and text in between.

So even though we don't financially support her very well (because we can't; ) we do emotionally support her, and as I said, she is OK because she gets lots of help. She has spoken though, about several of her pals whose parents are on £45K plus a year and they get NO grants or bursaries, and the parents won't help them. They say it's 'not their place to support their adult child's life choices.' (Student Finance seem to think it is though!) So the students are working 30+ hours a week and always tired, and they struggle somewhat. Sounds a bit like your story.

I was under the assumption from what many have said, (and from what my daughter says,) that uni is a 24-hour a day ball!

Seems this isn't necessarily the case for many. I am sad to hear that, and I hope my daughter IS having the great time that she says, and isn't just saying that to make us feel better.

I am quite saddened and surprised to hear how many people on here DID have a miserable time at uni, and as I said, I hope my daughter is having the good time she says she is, and isn't secretly unhappy.

Don't be saddened. University was probably the making of me.

And don't worry about not being able to financially support your daughter. She has your love and emotional support, which she'll remember more than the lack of money, and i'm sure she is having a great time.

My lack of financial support was someone attempting to force me to take a different route in life. It was about manipulation and control.

top_drawer_2

marywooyeah wrote: »

I am older - I didn't graduate until I was 26. I started when I was 22 and when my son was 15 months old. I held down a job throughout my degree and I worked fulltime in my final year whilst also running one of the university societies.

Literally all of my friends got firsts. They had their parents funding their accomodation and spends so they could concentrate solely on uni. It was good for them, but I did find it hard especially when people with firsts asked what I got and feigned congratulations when I had to admit that I'd got a lesser grade than them.

I worked very very hard and that's why I was so disappointed to miss out on a first by such a small margin. Hence why my degree doesn't feel like an achievement at all- this was explained in an earlier post and I'm sorry that you feel the need to mock that.

And you're right - it is a mortarboard and not a hat. I hope you will accept my apologies for referring to it incorrectly.

You've achieved far more though in that same period than others on your course did though IMO. They will only know the difficulties faced by having to change several different hats on a daily basis, when they are older and have to work, care for children, manage a house and deal with unexpected issues (poorly pet / family member / dodgy car etc) while you already have that mastered.

I didn't attend my graduation as I neither of my divorced parents were particularly interested throughout my degree so why put myself through a stressful day solely for their benefit; my mother mainly to boast how marvelous she must be to have a daughter with a degree. There were only 2 tickets available and I would ahve liked to have asked the people who I felt supported me throughout my course but I didn't have the guts to be honest, as the snub would have never been forgotten. As it is I kind of just didn't mention it ..... I do miss not having had a day to remember though.

madharrier

When I graduated from University I took up a job abroad immediately, so I never made it to the graduation ceremony. I did an MBA later and went to the ceremony. Enjoyed it.