Graduation - Did you go?

pablakeman

pablakeman wrote: »

As I have just said above, I know my comment was rude, but I was being blunt and to the point.

That is actually fantastic news that you can still get to where you want to be. The whole point I was trying to make is that you can't live in the past, and evidently you aren't. I wasn't looking to personally attack you, but I know a few people who have the attitude that you seemed to have in the few posts you wrote, and they are stuck in a dead end about things they can't change.

I wasn't even judging you, as it isn't my place to, I just wanted to make clear my own views on such a negative attitude. There is always a solution no matter what happens, as your (expensive, but hopefully worth it) further studies have proved.

Yes happiness with your result is subjective, but how you deal with it shouldn't be so negative, so I am glad to hear that you have almost got over it and moved on.

Also I don't doubt you work hard with the marks you were getting at university!

FBaby

Yes happiness with your result is subjective, but how you deal with it shouldn't be so negative, so I am glad to hear that you have almost got over it and moved on.

But she isn't negative at all with her plans, on the opposite, it would seem to have made her even more determined to achieve what she is aiming. You seem to confuse negative thoughts with disappointment. You can be disappointed and still be positive about your future.

Extent of disappointment is linked with level of expectations. If marywooyeah had a high expectation of getting a 1:1, and worked extremely hard to do, of course they would be disappointed not to reach their goal, especially being so close to it.

It takes time to get over disappointment, so it might take time to get yourself up again and keep going.

onlyroz

pablakeman wrote: »

Don't you worry about other people? I am currently in my last couple of weeks of uni trying my darn hardest to get a 2:1 to join KPMG. But I know that if I didn't, I wouldn't spend my time living in the past and going on about how much of a failure I am. How would that do me any good?

OK so you *need* a 2:1 to progress with your future plans and you know that if you work hard you are likely to get one. If you ended up with a 2:2 and found out that you missed the 2:1 by a narrow margin wouldn't you be upset and disappointed? Wouldn't you beat yourself up a bit that you'd then have to make other plans for your future?

Nobody is saying that a 2:1 is a "bad" degree, but everybody has the right to feel upset and disappointed if they don't meet their self-imposed targets.

Amber_Sunshine

I didn't go. The certificate was the important thing for me, I felt that I didn't need a formal ceremony.

beluga

I didn't go to mine - none of my friends were going and I felt awkward going alone. I also wasn't thrilled with my result. My parents have never let me hear the end of it! I didn't realise they were bothered about it. They weren't at all involved in university, never went to any events etc, although they lived within 45 mins of it. I rather wish I'd gone just to get them off my back!
A friend of mine went for a photo but skipped the event, is that an option for you? My uni offered this a week or so before the ceremony, for people who were unable to attend. That would have been the best option for me, but I missed the email about it until after it had happened.

marywooyeah

pablakeman wrote: »

She has done a bit more than stated she is disappointed. She is allowing something that, according to her, is now impossible to rule over her life. Rude? Yes. Unnecessary? No. Blunt and to the point? Yes.

Don't you worry about other people? I am currently in my last couple of weeks of uni trying my darn hardest to get a 2:1 to join KPMG. But I know that if I didn't, I wouldn't spend my time living in the past and going on about how much of a failure I am. How would that do me any good?

So yes, my above post was rude, but I wanted to be concise and to the point. If as is to be believed, she can't change it now, then she needs to get over it and move on. Easier said than done, but still needs doing.

pablakeman wrote: »

As I have just said above, I know my comment was rude, but I was being blunt and to the point.

That is actually fantastic news that you can still get to where you want to be. The whole point I was trying to make is that you can't live in the past, and evidently you aren't. I wasn't looking to personally attack you, but I know a few people who have the attitude that you seemed to have in the few posts you wrote, and they are stuck in a dead end about things they can't change.

I wasn't even judging you, as it isn't my place to, I just wanted to make clear my own views on such a negative attitude. There is always a solution no matter what happens, as your (expensive, but hopefully worth it) further studies have proved.

Yes happiness with your result is subjective, but how you deal with it shouldn't be so negative, so I am glad to hear that you have almost got over it and moved on.

Your two posts that I've quoted completely contradict each other.

You've said that I'm allowing something I can't change to rule my life. That's not the case at all; I've certainly never said that my degree classfication is "ruling my life", I've said that I was very disappointed with my grade and it didn't feel like an achievement.

I saw that the only way round it was to get an additional qualification, which I've done at my cost whilst working fulltime and being pregnant so I've clearly actively taken steps to overcome the grade. That's certainly not the attitude of someone living in the past and allowing something to rule their life is it?!

So actually, your comments are not only rude and un-necessary, they're also completely inaccurate and judgmental, despite the fact that you go on yourself to admit that it's not your place to judge me.

I think you should be careful to read things properly in the future, especially as you said yourself that you hadn't read all the posts before commenting.

As I said before, good luck with the rest of your degree and your placement.

TBagpuss

studentuk1 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.

I mentioned this again to my mother tonight, stated I had no interest in going because X Y Z reasons, and her response was basically "tough, you're going". After advising her I was an adult and would be making my own decision, she got quite narky.

For me, I think this issue has become more than just the graduation. It's pushing me to start looking for somewhere else to live (currently living at my mums), which in turn may help my mother realise I'm no longer a child and that she can no longer dictate what I shall be doing.

Maybe I'm completely out of order, and I owe it to her to give her the graduation day, but in no way, shape or form shall I be told I'm doing something. I'm an adult, not a 12 year old child, even if I am living under her roof.

I can understand that - I would however think about whether you are willing to make this your hill to die on - I agree completely that as an adult, you get to make your own choices. However, if you were willing, before, to give your parents the pleasure of seeing you graduate, do you want to have the fight over being an adult over this subject?

I would suggest you do as PPs have suggested and look in to whether your university offers a photo op for graduates unable to atend the ceremony, if they do, you could offer to do that as a compromise. It would mean your parents didn't get to hear our name read out or see you shake hands with the \vice Chancellor, but they could have pictures of you in cap and gown and with them in your gown, if they want.

I think the issue is less about whether you should go or not, mre about whether you are willing, and wish, to risk a massive breakdown of relationships over this issue, which is only likely to arise once.

Would your mum be willing to listen if you were to sit down with her to explain how upset it made you that she treated you like a child, not an adult?

gunsandbanjos

pollypenny wrote: »

Those of us who are older, and were assessed on 'the normal curve' wouldn't call a 2:1 !!!!!!. There was only one first and four 2:1 s in my cohort, one of which was me.

The idea of 'all my friends collecting firsts' just shows the change in structures.

BTW: it's called a mortarboard , not a hat.

Getting a first isn't easy, I graduated two years ago with a first in mathematics and I am very proud of it.

In my year there were 8 firsts, a handful of 2:1s and a lot more 2:2s and 3rds.
Incidentally a lot of my friends got firsts, we made up the majority of the students in the year in that classification. You tend to find the cleverer students migrate toward each other as the years progress in my experience.

To answer the initial question I did go to my graduation and loved it.

meames_2

Well done guns and banjos

j-josie

no1catman wrote: »

I went into Further Education doing evening lessons, decades after a poor results at School e.g. one 'O' level.


Started with, BTEC NC, then on to HNC., then on the BA(Hons), - the latter two both resulted in 'Graduation' events.
These, I wouldn't have missed for the world, and to have the pictures to frame.


There're treasured memories of prized achievements.

Whilst I didn't go to my graduation, our proudest graduation photo at home has been of my mother who got an Honours Degree in Sociology via The Open University at the age of 65. She did it all from home (apart from the week's summer study at a uni) because she was unable to get to any tutorials due to dad's poor health, her inability to drive & the rural location of home.
Mum had not been able to continue education past her teens in the 1940s due to financial circumstances but she always felt drawn to study. We were so very proud of her when she got her degree. She insisted that dad be in the photo with her and his beaming smile says it all. My mum's a star :T