son broke up with gf she is suicidal

Vikipollard

Does he have her parents' mobile numbers - or even her half brother's? Any texts she sends should be forwarded to them. He should also change his number and not tell her.


Agree with others, that the MH resources are so strapped that it has to be immediate threat to life before anything will be done. It's not actually for the police to deal with, but they do because they are often the only ones who can be contacted out of office hours even if you know how to find a number for a crisis team.


Really think your son should stay away. He will only have to leave her again and she will continue to use the emotional blackmail if it works this time.


Harsh? Definitely. But your son's mental health and wellbeing have equal right to be a priority.

GeekPetite

Hope this doesn't sound harsh, as I can appreciate the predicament.

Mental health services have made their assessment and decided she isn't at immediate risk to herself or others. Your son isn't responsible for her reaction to the break-up, she is responsible for how she chooses to deal with it.

Your son decided that the lies she told were enough to make the relationship untenable and he has to stick to that decision. We've all been there, we split up with someone and give the "I'd still like to be friends" line but do we really? We'd like to feel less guilty about it, but remaining friends will always create a spark of hope for the person who didn't end things and that isn't fair.

Your son is going to be "the bad guy" in her familys' eyes no matter what, he ended it and she is the one telling the story from her own viewpoint. He can't win here, he's either "completely abandoned her" or "giving her false hope".

If he's decided that the relationship isn't going to continue, he has to do just that and stay away. It's not fair to make her think there's a chance of reconciliation, which is what she'll secretly hope for if he stays in her life.

dandelionclock30

NatMast wrote: »

It does sound like the stereotypical cry for attention in the harshest, most blunt way possible.

The people in the hospital are trained and rarely let things like this slip through their fingers. There may have been a conversation between her and them and they evaluated her as no immediate risk to life.

I think it's sad that it has come down to this in the first place. However saddening, break ups happen regularly and we learn to deal with them in the long term.

I have to say I don't fully understand why her parents wouldn't rush home to see if she's okay or worry and contact her or her half brother to ensure her safety. I find that completely irresponsible regardless of anything else. If I even found out a friend was in that situation I would drop everything and come back, let alone a daughter!

Are you having a laugh?, plenty of people who are very suicidal get limited help from A and E. I know loads of people who have just been told to go home and then they will get the crisis team out. One person recently was in a bad way and threw themselves from one of the floors of the local main hospital and killed themselves and it was hushed up and never reached the papers.
Sorry but dont bank on the NHS doing much, they can be rubbish when people are like this.
She wont kill herself sounds like shes just been dramatic and even if she does its her choice like it is with everyone.

meritaten

I think your son should keep away too. she sounds extremely unstable. and if she keeps him tethered to her by threatening suicide when she doesn't get what she wants, and she will keep doing it, he is going to lead a miserable life.
HE is not responsible for how SHE deals with things. her own lies came back and bit her on the bum. and she reacts by wrecking her parents house? a suicide attempt? cant have been a serious attempt or she wouldn't have been sent home a few hours later.

anotheruser

RedFraggle wrote: »

That's a very outdated view such that its actually on the "myths" page of the Samaritans website http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/myths-about-suicide.

While I half agree, it's also tunnelled visioned by the Samaritans to suggest it is a myth.

If you're going to rob a bank, you wouldn't tell anyone about it beforehand would you?
If you're going to commit some serious fraud, you wouldn't really tell anyone before hand would you?
If you tell people before hand, they have a chance to stop you, whereas someone who is deadly serious about killing themselves will just do it.

People may feel like they want to die but when it comes down to the crunch, they will bottle out - this is the attention seeking type of "I want to die" person.

Too many people say what they don't really mean these days. The term rape has been watered down so much it means so little now compared with what it used to. It's a shame, but hey, it's 2014 right?!

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

...plenty of people who are very suicidal get limited help from A and E.

That's surely because A&E is for... erm... accidents and emergencies?
Someone with an axe hanging out of their head is an emergency. Someone saying they feel like they want to kill themselves isn't really an emergency in comparison. Good on A and E departments - it's not their job.

~Chameleon~

anotheruser wrote: »

People may feel like they want to die but when it comes down to the crunch, they will bottle out - this is the attention seeking type of "I want to die" person.

Of course they're seeking attention because they feel so damn desperate to the point they want to end their lives! Have you ever been in that situation? No, I thought not!

People in that situation do need attention to help them to stop feeling so wretched. It's attitudes such as yours that make people scared to ask for that attention and thus go on to actually end their lives.

Scrapaholic

You don't say how old they are ? Your son sounds caring , not wanting her to be alone etc, but she could interpret that as him still having feelings for her . Maybe she thinks if she can see him she'll be able to change his mind . He isn't responsible for her and I hope you can make him see that . One of my relatives was seeing a man , she wanted to break up , he threatened suicide . Because of this , she continued to see him , even though she wasn't sure if he was right for her . They ended up married , they had a baby, wanted by both of them. Ten months later he left for another woman . Of course, she loves the child but I've heard her say she should have trusted her instincts and walked away when she had the chance .

Top_Girl

~Chameleon~ wrote: »

Of course they're seeking attention because they feel so damn desperate to the point they want to end their lives! Have you ever been in that situation? No, I thought not!

People in that situation do need attention to help them to stop feeling so wretched. It's attitudes such as yours that make people scared to ask for that attention and thus go on to actually end their lives.

But the OP's son isn't the one who should be giving it to her, nor is the OP.

It is down to this girl's friends and family and the mental health professionals to support her, not the ex boyfriend that splitting up from has caused this cry for help/breakdown/attention seeking behaviour.

Whether you believe this is a genuine cry for help or that she is doing it to get OP's son's attention/him back, if he's not prepared to have her back in his life, him getting involved won't help her.

~Chameleon~

Top_Girl wrote: »

But the OP's son isn't the one who should be giving it to her, nor is the OP.

I never said it was. I was simply replying to that particular poster.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It's a common means of exerting control over somebody who wants to leave. Features in domestic abuse cases quite a lot - because it is abusing the kind nature of the other person.

He's done what he can. Now he has to disengage, or she won't ever learn to cope with people that won't bend to her will. And she'll drag him down with her.



Men do it, women do it, teenagers do it. In the case of my ex, he made vague threats/sent texts to 'say goodbye' as he was at Beachy Head (actually he was 40 miles away at his mum's). Eventually, I took him through a real time simulation of how long it would take him from the top of the cliff to the bottom. He shut up about the driving off a cliff then.


He then escalated and did it until I snapped as he waved a Stanley blade around and forcibly ejected him from my house, shouting that if he's actually going to do it, it's not going to be over my laminate floor, it can be on the street - plus, anyone with half a brain knows you do it lengthways if you mean it and it's not just another load of his crap.

Needless to say, he didn't do it.