feeling trapped in my marriage

sunshine_shell

from what i have worked out I wouldn't be entitled to much help because we have a mortgage and the house alot of equity. I was made redundant right before i found out i was pregnant so i'm applying for teaching jobs left right and centre at the moment. i have some saving but not enough to look after us. My mum and dad have said we can stay with them. I just wish i had left last sunday, that i should have been strong enough to break free.

Morglin

If your mum and dad are being so encouraging with you leaving, it suggests they are concerned as well, which should be a wake up call to you.

It us very easy for someone manipulative to be on their 'best behaviour' for a while, when they realise they may have gone too far, but they slip back, inevitably, and as you don't seem to love him anyway, best to make the break when you can.

Welfare Rights, the CAB, and a solicitor will give you info about your rights and entitlements.

Lin

sunshine_shell

Thank you Lin, I'll google citizens advice bureau to see where my nearest one is

tayforth

Any updates, sunshine_shell? I've just read the whole thread and I agree with all the responses so far. I applaud you for your courage in seeing this man for what he is.

Keep us posted, and keep safe xxx

sunshine_shell

Hi tayforth, thank you for the message of concern, we are still here but we are keeping safe. His best behaviour has slipped and he has gone back to being moody and bullying but no aggression or violence as of yet.

But i have some good news!! I have secured myself a new teaching job for September! I i hoping that this may give me the extra confidence to leave. I feel like i won't cope and i'll be even more alone than i am now. My family and friends are all saying 'you will have so much support' but at the end of the day i worry about truly being on my own with my daughter. I get the feeling that once the novelty has worn off i won't get the promised support, i won't cope and will collapse under the pressure.

tayforth

sunshine_shell wrote: »

Hi tayforth, thank you for the message of concern, we are still here but we are keeping safe. His best behaviour has slipped and he has gone back to being moody and bullying but no aggression or violence as of yet.

But i have some good news!! I have secured myself a new teaching job for September! I i hoping that this may give me the extra confidence to leave. I feel like i won't cope and i'll be even more alone than i am now. My family and friends are all saying 'you will have so much support' but at the end of the day i worry about truly being on my own with my daughter. I get the feeling that once the novelty has worn off i won't get the promised support, i won't cope and will collapse under the pressure.

Good to hear from you, and congratulations on the new job.

Sorry that your OH is back to his old self.

Could you speak to your family an friends, voice your concerns about the support they've offered and ask if they will really step up when the time comes?

If you start a new job in september, that will be a stressful time. The obvious thing to do is to make plans to leave him in the summer.

Only you can make the decision. If you feel sure that you'll get the promised support from your loved ones, is there anything standing in your way?

xx

Yorkie1

OP, these fears are completely understandable. Any change is a little bit scary, and when independence is not something you're familiar with then it's even more scary. But you'll have control over what you do and how. Your parents are concerned now, have offered help, and will surely continue to help you as long as you need it.

I wouldn't be surprised if your self-esteem has taken a dip in all of this, and you're projecting a little onto others that you feel you're not worth them investing support in you. You're wrong on that score, but it'll be hard for you to accept this if your self-esteem is indeed low.

As others have said, start making plans. Speak to womens' aid, who are absolutely great, and will help you know where to start because that's what they are there for.

In a way it's not bad that he's given up the 'nice' front because it will stop you being swayed by thoughts that he's changed. He's just demonstrated that he does revert over time. Use this to keep your motivation going.

BTW, congratulations on the new job.

sunshine_shell

Self esteem?? What's that??

I just feel so weak willed, Where is my courage? I used to be so feisty, say what i thought, didn't take crap off anyone. But now i just go along with whatever for a peaceful life. The sad thing is i will be linked to him for life through my daughter. His mother will make my life even more difficult than she already does. I will never be truly free of him. I just want to run away with my beautiful daughter and live a peaceful life.

pinkshoes

You have already made the reference about your dad never behaving like that.

Do you think it is acceptable for your daughter to grow up thinking that it is acceptable for men to shout and throw things and be aggressive when you don't do what you want?

Is the the sort if many you would like your daughter to end up with one day?

You have courage. It's just hidden. The summer holidays are coming up, so make the move.

sunshine_shell

No I don't think its acceptable in any way, shape or form!! I know what i have to do and i am trying my best to do it.

It is hard when you know (and i do, I've checked) that i'm not entitled to any help or support because i worked hard, own a house and have 'some' savings. My savings won't last me until October when i will get my first paycheck. So i'm trying to work out what to do.