Do your family 'approve' of your partner?

NatMast_2

tea_lover wrote: »

They weren't very keen on my ex-husband but always did their best to keep it to themselves. To be fair to them he was an utter kn0b.

Parents often try to keep it to themselves...until you break up! Then there are some fun conversations!

SavingPennies_2

Did it bother you so much because there's a part of you that knows it's true? Im not saying that is it is true, I coulndt possibly know of course, and I apologise if I'm totally off the mark. It's just you say he's had ups and downs it suggests it's been an ongoing issue.When Ive got really hurt by something someone has said it's usually because they've hit a bit of a nerve Ive been trying to ignore.

AubreyMac

Mojisola wrote: »

Is this normal? It would never occur to me to ask about race.

Normal for some.

Even if it isn’t asked, sometimes there is an assumption that my partner would be of the same ethnic background as me.

marvin

I never care about what others think of what partner I have it is me that has to be happy not them......should have listened sometimes though

Happily everyone loves my current wife especially me.

SavingPennies_2

Mojisola wrote: »

Is this normal? It would never occur to me to ask about race.

No I don't think it is, but it might be normal to ask "where is xyz from" espcially if you live in a large city. I'm not from the place I now live and nor are many of my friends and aquaintances, so it would be more natural to ask, just out of interest, where someone is from.

Izadora

It may just be because I'd been single for so long that everyone had lowered their expectations but my entire family seem to think my boyfriend's the greatest bloke to walk the earth (to be fair, so do I most of the time).

tayforth

tea_lover wrote: »

They weren't very keen on my ex-husband but always did their best to keep it to themselves. To be fair to them he was an utter kn0b.

NatMast wrote: »

Parents often try to keep it to themselves...until you break up! Then there are some fun conversations!

Yep, this is so true!

Georgiegirl256

AubreyMac wrote: »

I think, whether consciously or not, we are judgemental. It's normal when someone has a new partner to ask questions about what they do, what race they are etc. Why are those questions asked if you're not prepared to judge someone over the answer?
.

That's not a normal thing to ask. Why should it matter?

sterl1ng

SavingPennies wrote: »

Did it bother you so much because there's a part of you that knows it's true? Im not saying that is it is true, I coulndt possibly know of course, and I apologise if I'm totally off the mark. It's just you say he's had ups and downs it suggests it's been an ongoing issue.When Ive got really hurt by something someone has said it's usually because they've hit a bit of a nerve Ive been trying to ignore.

I have to admit there have been times that it did bother me when he wasn't working but really I have seen huge difference in him. The volunteering he does has led to other paid work which is great but also something bit more environmental/charitable which is more his passion too. Whereas I've always been more about making money and keeping my head above water and have been steady in my company for over a decade. I can understand where my sister comes from as I know she is only trying to look out for me but for her to say all those things I found bit disappointing but deep down I know she is looking out for me.

OH is also looking out for me, sure he's not loaded or has fancy jobs but he's absolutely lovely. Since I've met him I've calmed down a lot as realise there's more to life than materials. We bounce off each other. yes we argue at times (noones perfect!) but there is an unspoken agreement between us and lots of tenderness so that's why I felt hurt cause my sister doesn't see those things. I'm happy she has a fella who is so far treating her well and no doubt much to mum and dads liking but be nice she wasn't so catty about it to then final her response with 'no offence'.

Jo_F

First time my mum met my other half, he was the bee's knees, a week later on her next meeting with him, all of a sudden he wasn't, apparently she 'didn't know him well enough to form an opinion so she wasn't going to like him'

All this was 12 years ago, they haven't had a conversation since, and my parents have not been informed that we are getting married next week, if they can't respect my choice of partner I don't want them at my big day.