Do your family 'approve' of your partner?

sterl1ng

Told my sister about OH yesterday, when she found out he wasn't working (he's looking and volunteering at mo in hope it leads to something) she sort of flipped telling me he wasn't good enough for me and that I could do better but we've been together for a while, he's had ups and downs in jobs.

Kind of reeling from her comments as I know right now she doesn't approve. Just wondered if anyone has similar experience and how they deal with it.

Mojisola

I wouldn't take anyone's views seriously who had "flipped" about someone she hasn't even met.

picklekin

It really upset me at the time that my dad said my OH was great "because he drives a BMW". How bloody shallow? I'm afraid these judgements say more about he judge then those they are commenting on.

You could say your sister was looking out for you, wanting you to be looked after, but there is no excuse for "flipping out" or saying derogatory things about your OH.

SailorSam

Not a current partner but i had a girlfriend for a while who was black ........... well she still is. And my Mum was a terrible racist so i'd never tell her.

suejb2

That seems (imo) a shallow reason to not to approve of someone she hasn't even met.What if he was in work but a serial killer;worst case scenario, but you get my point.
Judging people young or old without knowing them "gets my goat"

AubreyMac

My family didn’t like my last partner but didn’t say so directly. Although he had a good job, they didn’t like the fact he smokes and didn’t drive. When my brother in law wanted to let out his property, I suggested to my sister we (me and partner) could move in. She asked me if he was likely to steal anything!

On the other hand, I don’t like my brother in law. My sister is very insecure and he takes advantage of this, humiliating her and putting her down in front of others because he knows she wouldn’t be strong enough to stand up to him, he also once beat her. However, I’ve learnt that nothing I say will change things and in the end I get fed up of telling her she can do better. It’s her life and her choice. She’s only been with him for nearly 20 years.

Ultimately, whilst it can be vexing when other dish out their personal views when uncalled for, I don’t really care what family think of my partner. It’s made me realise it’s best to not give my opinions too even if I know someone to be cheating. They have to figure it out for themselves and it’s usually the messenger who gets shot.

sterl1ng

Problem is my sister can be bit shallow too. She's very into 'nice luxury things', the current guy she's seeing is a banker and takes her to lovely resturants and hotels whereas I'm the opposite and would to treat myself and those I love. She lives at home too with my folks and hasn't really had real taste of living outside financially looking after herself, whereas I left early 20s for independence and work so have that mindset of depending financially on myself.

When OH does get work its likely I'll be on higher salary given the industry I'm in and we already agreed that when we got married eventually and started to have kids its likely he would be SAHD....which I have no problem with but I know my family will not be happy bunnies. There is of course childcare but with cost of that (though we'd have to cross compare when it happends) it would probably make more sense we looks after kids.

Seriously though I do feel quite down about her comments, its kind of knocked me for six.

AubreyMac

Although some things may be shallow to judge someone over, I think we can all have red flags for our own children’s partners. I wouldn’t want my child to be dating someone who was long term unemployed, not ambitious or have no prospects. Lots of people are all for equality and say race, religion, disability etc don’t matter....... until it comes to who family members are dating.

Georgiegirl256

'Flipped'? Sorry, but she sounds like a right snob. How on earth can you judge someone without even meeting them?

balletshoes

AubreyMac wrote: »

Although some things may be shallow to judge someone over, I think we can all have red flags for our own children’s partners. I wouldn’t want my child to be dating someone who was long term unemployed, not ambitious or have no prospects. Lots of people are all for equality and say race, religion, disability etc don’t matter....... until it comes to who family members are dating.

just dating? unless they were a druggie or a gangster etc I really hope I won't be that judgemental over my DD's dates - and I certainly wouldn't voice my opinion to her, because theres nothing more alluring than a forbidden/frowned upon love is there?

I don't have relatives who would tell me if they were disapproving of anyone I was dating (or anyone I married to be honest - I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions). I wouldn't volunteer my opinion to my siblings either if I disapproved for whatever reason, because they are all adults and quite frankly its none of my business.

pukkamum

If one of my children was dating someone I disliked or disapproved of I would really try hard to keep my feelings to myself and hope the other half proved me wrong or my child came to the conclusion themselves.
To make feelings known would only in my experience make them cling to the person more.